Learning From The Bad Boy

Rituals and Propositions

Everything in my life seemed to revolve around a schedule. Don't get me wrong schedules are nice, but not always really ideal. My parents always had my best interests in mind, I'm sure. Since my older sister was above and beyond perfect, they kind of expected the same from me.

I drew the short stick on most everything, and my sister didn't. She was beautiful, I was average. She was athletic, I had the grace of a one legged giraffe. She was funny, I'm the cause of almost every awkward silence.

Sure I loved Sarah, but after living in her shadow for years on end, I was happy when she graduated. Finally I could live without the constant comparison of my sister. Wrong.

It seemed like I was always reminded of how perfect Sarah was whenever I managed to screw up. Anyways, my life was one ritual. Always schedule and planned.

It went something like this.

Wake up at 6, shower and dress for school. Leave for school by 7:30, go to school. Come home and do homework. Join my lovely family for an oh so uncomfortable dinner. Have my mom drill me with questions about my day, and how Sarah wouldn't have said or done the things I did. Finish eating by 7 that night. Read the rest of whatever book I was currently reading and then be asleep by 9.

I had an appreciation for sleep.

Every day goes like that, minus the weekends. On weekends I usually have to attend business dinners with my parents. That was something I didn't even want to begin to talk about.

Part of me always wanted to act like a rebel, but I knew that I couldn't ever do that. Call me a coward, or smart, but I never really had the guts to go against my parents. It seemed easier to just go with whatever they say.

Which leads me to my current insane idea. Axel. I only had one class with him, but I knew he was failing. Well that class at least.

Axel Calderes was somewhat of an enigma. Nobody really knew exactly where he came from or who his parents were, all we knew was he had an obsession with leather jacket and acting like a badass.

Axel was definitely something to look at. He had perfectly shaped cheekbones and an amazing jawline. He had eyelashes that every girl would kill for and perfectly styled dark hair.

Yes, Axel Calderes was the definition of bad boy. He was also the most perfect person I could think of to help me out with my pathetic social life.

He was famous for outrageous parties and his very flirtatious, but charming attitude.

I had this not so brilliant notion that I  might be able to convince him to give me lessons on not being an antisocial loser, if I helped him not fail our AP Literature class.

Somehow this morning I had built up enough courage to convince myself that the worst thing he could say was no.

My shoulders always seemed to be pulled back, something that was also drilled into my head. Ladies don't slouch.

Even at a young age my mom would reprimand me about how I would carry myself.

I didn't like making eye contact with random people, so even though I carried myself with 'pride', my eyes were always downcast. Maybe I had a major confidence issue.

My eyes scanned the crowded cafeteria. I always skipped out on the lunch with 500 others scene, and ate in the library. Ms. Stein, the librarian, loved me and she was probably my most favorite person in this whole place.

Do I even have to say that I don't really have many friends?

I picked away nervously at the chipped purple fingernail polish on my thumb. Mom would have a fit if she saw the shape my cuticles were in.