In Love, Alone, and Terrified.

Chapter Ten Just let my baby come into the world.

I was still in shock of everything that had happened in the past like 9 months. And what had happened to Braden just not that long ago. But I was only a few days away for my due date. My little baby could be here any day now. I could not worry about what had happened in my past. I now had to focus on my future the future with my baby, and Danielle, and Emmy. Going to the stores and getting all the baby stuff. I had so much fun going around picking out strollers and baby clothes, And getting a car seat and a crib. I was so happy about this baby that was about to be here. I still could not believe that I was about to have a baby. Michael still did not know about the baby, his baby. But as before we thought it would be the best for my child that we just kept Michael out of his or her life. I did not know how I really felt about it though now with Braden gone my baby was going to grow up with out someone to call his or her father. As much as I hated that I couldn't worry about that right now. I had to worry about bringing this little one into the word. The contractions had started later in that day. I was super early. Danielle rushed me to the hospital. Emmy met up with us after she got out of night school. Emmy started to go to night school so she could be home with me during the day while Danielle was at school. I loved them so much, they have both already given up so much for me and my baby and the baby was not ever here yet. Sitting there the contractions just got worse and worse. Then the doctor came over, he was the same one that had talked to me all the times before honestly I did not know how I felt about him giving birth to my baby. It was nothing personal just the fact he would be seeing an area of my body only one other person had seen before. I told Danielle that and she just started laughing so hard I never understood why though it was not even that funny. I just laughed along with because it took my mind off of the pain I was feeling. A few minutes later the laughing was not enough to keep my mind off of everything. I let out a scream full of agony. It only got worse from there. The doctor came over and told me how to put my legs. The next thing I heard was the doctor say, "let's bring this baby into this world." As the doctor told me to push the pain was unbelievable. At this point Emmy was there with me too. She had brought everything for me and the baby after they were here. The doctor just kept telling me to push. And before I knew it he said, "there it is, it's a boy." I sat up despite all the pain I was feeling and looked at my baby. The doctor was just hitting it I did not know why until the next minute he yelled to the nurse, "we have a still born." The nurse ran over and took the baby and then looked at me and said, "miss I'm so sorry for your loss." I just screamed on the top of my lungs in pain both physically and now the pain of losing my baby. I had most so much already. What did I do to ever get this. I just wanted to have this baby and be happy but that could never happen I guess. I told the doctor that I was still feeling contractions and he called to another nurse to check on me. They brought in a ultrasound and sure enough there was another baby. Scared of what was going to happen. I started pushing again just like I had before the doctor just sat there cheering me on. Telling me it was almost here, that I was doing great, etc. As the doctor grabbing it he did not announce what it was this time. I sat up seeing the look on his face I know what had happened. The doctor looked up at me and said once again I'm so sorry. I quickly said, "before you call a nurse to come get it can I hold it." The doctor did not say a word and handed me the baby. Feeling worst then I ever have has numb as I ever have I sat there holding my baby in my hands. I did not believe that they were both gone before I ever could say hello. I just asked myself why? Why is everything I love leaving or dying? I did not understand any of it. In that same minute as the doctor was handing it to me. I heard a silent crying, and a sound that sounded like a gasp for air. The doctor grabbed the baby right out of my hands And said, lI miss judged this one, congratulations your a mother of a little girl." I did not know what to think. I thanked the doctor as he walked out to go get the baby cleaned up. Emmy and Danielle just smiled and hugged me. I did not want anyone to be there because I looked like I was dying. Everything I had just gone through was unbelievable but the joy of being a mother now was better than anything. I would not of changed a thing. I was so happy. I did not care about about the past anymore. Everything I had lost did not really matter anymore I had just gained the best thing ever. That definitely covered all the loss in my life.