A Thousand Tiny Nightmares

The End

I thought for what felt like a second
But what had actually been an hour.
I realized I hadn't closed my eyes.
Not once.
I was staring out of my window.
A dull glow from the moon creeped
through the breaks in the tree outside.
Not once.
It was 2 A.M. Waiting for sleep,
My mind raced. It couldn't grasp
The concept just yet.
I waited, and waited. What seemed like
An hour but had been a few minutes.
Even my concept of time was tweaked.
Maybe if I closed them. Nope.
Not once.
I couldn't hold a breath or wish for death.
Though the thought brought a smirk.
I brushed it away quickly.
I thought of him, and how he would hurt.
I couldn't do it even though I wanted to.
Even though it was there almost every second.
I couldn't do it.
Finally my weight lowered. I was falling.
My eyelids heavy but I could see perfectly.
I was in my room, on my bed. Only I had a gun. A small hand gun. I thought for a moment and realized I was dreaming.
I let myself slip into bliss and placed it against my skull. It was a reaction at this point. I didn't have to think about it, about anything (for once). I was free.
I pulled the trigger and the slow motion turned on. First the air, placing a dip in the side of my head where the bullet slowly followed. Ripping passed my hair into my skin. Piercing my skull, it was a perfectly round circle that led to my brain. Breaking the stem that turned my brain to mush.
I knew that going through the bottom of my jaw would've been quicker and painless.
But I deserved the pain. Every second I laid there, (five), I felt each section of my mushed out brain go numb. It felt good. I was resting.
Waiting for the fifth second. For the first time in a long time I felt nothing but bliss. The note I left with carefully chosen words sat clenched in my hand. The mural on the wall was drying.
Then I woke up.
Another hour passed.
I was still alive.
Still breathing,
Brain still intact.
A dream I knew would end,
But yet too soon.
The phone rang. His name across the screen
As if he felt my disappointment.
His voice shaking, "I need you."
I jumped up and grabbed my keys.
Opening the door, locking it, then closing.
Quickly stepping into the driver seat,
It took but a second to be out of the drive way and down the street.
Within minutes I was there.
The door unlocked, ready for my arrival.
I opened it, and gently shut it.
Going to where I knew he would be,
I held him and kissed his forehead.
I was calm, (on the outside).
I had to be. The steady beat of my heart would calm his nerves for what he was worked up about.
We laid down, his head on my chest
With tears streaking down his cheeks.
My hand was going through his hair,
While the other ran circles on his back.
His heart rate, which was loud when I arrived, had chilled to a murmur.
That's where I liked it.
His hand that was clenched to my shirt,
Slowly eased every second.
He sat up and I followed.
I wiped his cheeks and kissed him,
Ever so gently. I waited.
I needed no explanation and
I knew he wouldn't want to give one.
He looked in my soft eyes that gazed into his own, glossy, but soft eyes as well.
He smiled his "I love you" smile, and
I returned it. Still thinking about my dream.
I didn't care it had ended at this point.
Only he could make it irrelevant.
He was the only thing I cared for.
That I put time in.