bottled tears | TFiOS

i.

a voice startles him but he attempts not to act surprised. he turns towards where the voice is and slowly says, "hello?" a girly chuckle is released from another voice, towards the doorway. "hazel, is that you? support group hazel?"

"that's right, issac," she mumbles, stepping closer to him. "is your mother here?" he gives a curt shake of his head before asking her to walk towards him. she smiles and does so, linking his arm with hers. he doesn't want to ask but he must.

"how are you?" seems to be an every day question. but, in all honesty, hazel can never reply to it. she purses her lips and mutters a slight reply. "no, really, hazel," he urges. "i understand your pain." she lets a bitter laugh pass her cracked pink lips.

"if you're asking if i've run out of tears yet, the answer is i'm close." there's a short silence as issac ponders how exactly he should reply to this. "don't," she whispers, tugging him towards his room.

"how'd you get in here?" he questions.

"spare key next to the flowerpot," she replies instantly as she pushes open the door to his bedroom.

"i should tell my mum to hide it underneath the welcome mat again, then," he laughs half-heartedly in an attempt to raise the spirits in the room. it only builds the tension that was already quite thick. "look, hazel, and i have no idea if you're looking at me or even if i'm looking at you but that is beside the point, i know that you miss him. i miss him too. but you just have to remember that you can't be sad forever."

"why not?" she snaps, staring at him in disbelief, though she knows that he can't see her. "why can't i be sad forever?" she sits down and settles the oxygen tank at her feet. "why do i have to let go? why does everyone tell me to let go?" issac bites his bottom lip and sighs, offering her a small smile. she scowls in return, not making a sound.

"they just forget."

"why do they forget, issac?" she asks, her head pressing against his shoulder and her voice barely audible.

"because they don't want to remind themselves of the sadness," he says after a short pause. he leans his head against hers.

"but he's not just a sad, distant memory, issac. he's more happy than he is sad. and he's hopeful and a person and he's amazing." there is nothing but calm filling the air. issac shifts his position and a book tumbles out of his satchel.

"what is it?"

"issac, why isn't it in br - is this Augustus'?" she had picked up the book and was studying it. it is safe in her nimble fingers. a smile creeps up onto issac's features.

"i thought you'd like it." hazel runs her fingers through her hair and stares at the book, playing around with it. she lets a smile slide onto her lips.

"just another part of him that forces me to remember his beauty." issac nods slightly. the girl beside him stares at him with slightly parted lips, as if she is about to say something. then she stands, her fingers tightening around the handle of the oxygen tank. issac hears the sound of her feet and asks her why she is leaving. "i want to be forced into remembering his beauty," she shoots him a half smile and he waves her off before calling after her.

"could you take me to the lounge before you leave?"

"hazel," her mother coos quietly. though, it could have easily been loudly as america's next top model was blaring above every sound to fill hazel's ears. "hazel, it's dinner time." she switches the television off and offers a smile towards her mother but her orbs had diverted elsewhere.

"mum, i - " she stops mid-sentence and mid-stride when she sees their guests. she purses her lips, and soon, is smiling sweetly at the two adults sitting opposite of where she is currently seating herself. she gulps and feels the urge to burst into tears.