Playboy Mouth (Queen Bee/RaStro)

Could Have Been

CHAPTER FORTY-EIGHT

K a i

🎶 Grace Carter, Silence

My heart. My heart's beating fast. Faster and faster. I was stunned. I don't know what to say. All that's left in my head and my heart is anger. Questions, doubts, and regrets filled my mind. Although my mouth's shut, the voices in my head, my ego, kept on bothering me. They were saying something I cannot simply understand, I cannot accept. The truth hurts.

"Say something, please," She pleaded. Ice slowly walked over to me, carrying her child. Oh, God, the kid looks handsome. I wanted to hold the baby, but pain rushed down over me. I was disappointed. "Well, aren't you gonna say something? Anything?" The kid started to cry. I really wanna take the baby and comfort him, but I hesitated.

"W-what's his n-name?"

"Kameron Shintaro." Ice flashes a smile and so did the baby. "We call him by his second name." I guess, napangiti siya because of the fact na initials ko ang gamit ng bata. It's like her little boy understood what she's saying and that's for him to give me his best smile. Unfortunately, I gave them the opposite. "Look, he likes you already." My face went blank. Hands clenched. "You can hold him."

"Ang sakit. Napakasakit. Sobra."

"Alam ko..."

"Wh-when did this happen?" Tears built up in my eyes. I looked away. "Wh-why?" I shifted my eyes back at them. Ice was playing with her baby, but then I suddenly felt disgusted. I know, I'm evil. "How could you do this to me?" I let myself fall on my knees. I covered my face with both of my hands. I, then started crying. "Why, Ice, why?"

"I don't wanna answer that."

"Nagmamakaawa ako, sagutin mo."

Napatahimik na lang siya. Yumuko siya, pilit pa ring inaabot sa akin ang bata. "Utang na loob, 'wag mo nang ipasagot sa akin 'yan." Hindi ko yata kaya yung sinasabi niya. Kailangan kong malaman ang lahat; kung bakit, kung kailan at kung ano'ng dahilan. Kung kinakailangang pilitin ko siya, gagawin ko. Kung kinakailangang lumuhod ako sa kanyang harapan, gagawin ko, magsabi lang siya ng totoo. At lumuhod nga ako.

"Please, I need to know."

"Gusto mo talaga'ng malaman?" Tumango ako. Kinarga ko na rin si Shintaro. "Nangyari 'yun... mahigit isang taon mula nang ako'y iyong ipinagtabuyan."

[FLASHBACK STARTS]

I c e

"Kai, pagpaliwanagin mo naman ako. Isang taon mo na akong hindi kinakausap. Hindi ko na kaya." Alam kong nasa loob siya ng kwarto. Ricci gave me a heads up, probably nakulitan na sa akin or naawa. I don't give a crap about my pride if that means I get to talk to her. "Please lang, Kai. Sinunod ko naman ang gusto mo, tinigilan kita. Isang taon na ang nakalipas, Kai, kausapin mo naman ako."

Ricci and Jackie were not in the room next to Kai's. They left when they saw me. They wanted to give me and Kai privacy. "I know you're in there. Please, open the door. Open up your heart for me again. You never left mine."

"Please, Kai, nagmamakaawa ako. Mag-usap naman tayo," Hagulgol ko sa kanyang pintuan. "Sinabi na nila sa'yo ang buong katotohanan, pero nakikiusap ako, sana ako rin ang pakinggan mo. Sa akin mo dapat mismo malaman ang buong katotohanan." Kinakalampag ko ng malakas ang kanyang pintuan ngunit hindi pa rin niya ako pinagbubuksan. I kneeled in front of her door, the same one that was welcoming before. It doesn't feel like that anymore, it hurts.