(Shane's POV)
I sit there half relived that I had asked the question, half nervous for the answer. I look Joey in the face. I don't know what I want the answer to be. I don't know how I will feel if the answer is yes, but if the answer is no I will be baffled by the realness of my memory of the kiss. If that even makes sense.
(Joey's POV)
Oh shoot. Do I tell him or do I lie? Will telling ruin our new friendship? I have no clue if Shane feels the same way about me that I feel about him. I don't know if I want to risk rejection this soon, and I don't want to put pressure on Shane to love me. I must lie, at least for now.
"Uh, no Shane. Why do you ask?" I already feel guilty for my decision.
"Oh, I thought that I remembered something like that last night. But who knows..."
(Shane's POV)
I'm so confused. I am almost sure that we kissed. It all seems so real. Remembering the smell of pomegranate, the softness and security of his lips on mine, I put my head in my hands. I can't handle this all. My mind can't process it all. I don't know what's real or fake anymore. It seems so sad to me that my world could be turned upside-down so easily and quickly. "Shane, I'm sorry."
"For what Joey? You haven't done anything except help me."
"I'm just sorry that this is happening to someone like you."
"Like me?" What the hell does he mean? I deserve everything that's happening to me. I did this to myself, by being myself.
"Well, all you do is try to help people and it seems like all you've been getting lately is crap."
"Whatever. Everything happens for a reason."
(Joey's POV)
For a reason? What does Shane mean by that. "Shane if you think this is karma for something you have done, then you're wrong!" I say.
"I don't know what this is Joey, but I do know that I do deserve it!" screams Shane taking his head out of his hands and looking at me, timidness in his eyes.
"Shane! I don't think you're-"
"STOP LYING JOEY! I know what I am! I'm a fat, ugly, weak-minded sicko who isn't even worthy to stand next to most people! I am a fuck up and it's no one's fault but mine! If I wasn't this way, I wouldn't be getting any of this crap!"
He can't mean that can he?
(Shane's POV)
I see Joey still standing across from me, looking confused and sad. I notice that I'm standing too. I feel anger surging through my veins as I realize why he must be confused: He's perfect. He could never understand how I feel this way because he is perfect. Any girl would die to be with him, he has the best body, his hair is gorgeous. Joey's probably standing there thinking about how ridiculous and terrible I am and how ugly I look. "Shane stop, you're being dumb-"
"NO JOEY, I'M NOT! Think about it, my girlfriend dumped me for all the reasons that I hate myself for! It's not in my head, everyone sees it and I don't need you pretend you don't think so!" I take a breathe.
"Shane you don't need to feel this way, you're not-"
"But I wouldn't expect you to understand!" I rage on " You don't know what it's like to still think you're overweight no matter how much weight you loose! You don't know anything about finding out that your girlfriend would rather be with some dochebag than you! I hide my feelings behind smiles everyday because I thought that if I shared all this with someone they would not want to deal with this and leave! But it turns out that it doesn't matter if I share this or not, because everyone wants to leave me anyway!" I scream. It feels so good to let it all out. I take a deep breath. Joey looks taken back my declaration. However, I honestly don't give a shit what he thinks because I'm too angry to care.
(Joey's POV)
Shane's blue-greens eyes still have fury in them. I myself am dismal, and a bit frustrated. "Oh Shane, you're so wrong. Just because someone is good-looking doesn't mean they havn't been through a lot. I am hopelessly in love with someone who will never feel the same way about me..." I trail off. Shane is now expressionlessly looking down at his feet.
How can he think that I don't know what hardship is? My mother is an alcoholic, my parents are divorced. Suddenly, I'm mad at Shane. I know I shouldn't be, but I can't stand that he is making himself out to be the victim here. "Ya know what Shane?"
"What?"
"I need some time for myself. I've been here for two days and I don't think I want this right now." Shane looks up at me with wet eyes. His hand is on his bandage. Joey, don't go. He needs you. Says the voice at the back of my mind. I don't listen to it.
"No...I wouldn't either."
"Yeah, I think I'm gonna go." I feel so bad, but I'm just so mad that I don't care. I head straight to the door, leaving Shane standing of the middle of the living room staring at me pleadingly. "Oh, and by the way, we did kiss last night." I say before slamming the door behind me. That'll fuck him up good. thinks bad Joey.
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