(Shane's POV)
I'm drowning again. Great, now Joey hates me. Just add one more person to the list. But we kissed. Or did we? I don't know what to feel about that. Did I like it? Do I like Joey? I am still standing in the same spot I was when Joey left. Well he certainly doesn't like you now. I would cry if I had the energy and tears left. Again, I am filled with the familiar numbness to the world. Nothing even matters anymore. I thought that for once I had someone here who could help me, and not be repelled by me. I sat down and my stomach growled loudly. Eat! No don't eat! Eat! No! Eat! NO! I have a war happening inside my head. I decide not to eat since I don't feel fit enough to do so. In fact, I feel sick.
(Joey's POV)
I race down the road with a satisfied feeling. But the longer I drive, the worse I feel. Shane is in no state to be given comments like that to him by me. I'm ashamed and already foresee the repercussions of my words. Besides, Shane's right...I have never felt his feelings to the extreme that he has. If I really loved him, I would have held him and comforted him. Instead I toyed with his mind.
(Shane's POV)
I have no idea what to do now. Drained and hungry, I give in and go to the kitchen. I make a cup of coffee. The knives are tempting me in the drawer to my left. We'll help you! We will always be here for you! they beg. "No Shane! You promised Joey!" I say aloud to assure myself. But then again, Joey just walked out on me fifteen minutes ago so he obviously doesn't care too much. I inch my way over to the drawer. Sliding it open I gaze at the sliver blades of our kitchen knives. The pain of it slitting my arm will take me away from all of this. I reach into the drawer and pick up a blade. The surface of its metal body feels solid in my hand. I feel a tear slip down my face. What have I become? Holding the knife up over my wrist, I think about everything that has happened in the last 48 hours. Lisa dumping me for the other jerk. Joey staying with me. Then also leaving me. I press the blade to my cold arm and grimace. Relief comes steadily, and in waves.
(Joey's POV)
I am in my driveway now. Should I go back to Shane, now or tomorrow? I made Shane promise that he wouldn't hurt himself so I know he won't. Then I remember again the words that I have said to him. The words that I said with a smirk on my face. I don't think that his promise means anything now. Everything I have done to help him has now been erased in moments. I must go back.
(Shane's POV)
When I'm done I throw that knife in the sink. My arm is smeared with my blood. It's warm and assures me that I'm alive. I go to the bathroom and dress my wound again. The bandage from my last cuts is still on my arm. I look into the mirror. My eyes are hollow and have dark circles under them. I need to shave and my hair sticks out wildly in all different directions. Anyone could tell that I'm distressed by my appearance. This will not do! I have to hide my emotions from everyone, even Joey. I can't let him know that he hurt me or he will do it again. I take off my clothes and hop in the shower.
The freezing water wakes me up. It opens my eyes wider than they have been in days. After I get ready, it'll almost look like I'm all better.
(Joey's POV)
I'm racing down the road back to Shane's house. I worry that I will find him cutting again. If I do, I'll know it was my fault. I feel absolutely terrible! My heart pounds in my ears. I hope I'm not too late. I pull up the drive and almost run to the front door. I knock urgently. When no answer comes, I open the door myself and walk briskly to the living room. I find Shane sitting on the couch. He's washed up and looks how he normally does on a good day. "Shane?"
"Oh hi Joey! Long time no see!" He says jokingly, looking up at me. I'm very confused. Last time I was here, Shane was a mess. He was telling me his deepest secrets. Now he's acting like nothing happened. "Are you gonna sit down, or are you just gonna stand there Joey?" I sit down.
"Shane are you okay?"
"Yeah I'm fine. After you left I thought about how I've been acting. I realized that I was just being a drama queen! I mean, I guess I was just upset over Lisa. Break ups aren't easy." I'm stunned. How could someone be a wreck one minute, and fine the next? Something isn't right with this. I'm taking a mental note to keep and eye on Shane.
"Oh, okay!" is all I can say. In some ways, I'm disappointed. I want to help Shane, so I could be closer to him. Now he is blocking me out. I've hurt him. I know by his eyes. They look scared, like they want to withdrawal from me.
"It was nice to check on me though."
"No problem Shane." I say. I'm getting choked up. I can't prevent it. I just know Shane isn't okay. There's nothing I can do.
(Shane's POV)
I decide to pretend I don't remember the kiss. It would just be weird to bring it up. "Wanna go to lunch? I'm starving. " Joey asks. Shit. Food is the last thing I need right now. I can't say no or he'll get suspicious.
"Sure." I say in a hollow voice. But I know that my lunch won't be staying down for long.
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Sorry this chapter was boring. :( I'm having a writers block. Leave me some suggestions in the comments for the next chapter and I'll try my best! ~Lauren
