Who am I to You? (Kaylor/Torlie AU)

15

Karlie sat at a table by the window, eagerly watching random passerby as a distraction from facing the thoughts of last night swirling around in her head. I'll deal with that later, she says to herself.

She was so engrossed in passing the time, it startled her to suddenly see someone beside her table and already speaking with her. "...I hope you don't mind. Di had to sort out something with the landlord about a repair at the shop, so she sent me instead."

"Taylor!" Karlie blurts out. Her face turns a bright shade of pink and her heart rate increasing by the minute. 

"Hey Karls," Taylor mumbles. She hesitates, but decides to bend over and give Karlie a hug. It takes the green-eyed girl by surprise but she returns it, nevertheless.

"So uhm, about the project. Listen, I hope you really consider doing it. It's Di's greatest dream and you're the best person to do it. Please, I know it would make her so happy and me as well—"

Karlie is quiet for a moment, thinking about Taylor's remarks before cutting her off, saying, "Taylor, don't worry. I'm in, I'll just email you the paperwork."

"Really?? Oh my god, thank you so much! Di's gonna freak," Taylor exclaims. She grabs Karlie's hands over the table gently giving them a squeeze, without even noticing what she was doing. "I can't wait to tell her!"

Taylor's smile is so big, Karlie can't help but admit that it warms her heart to see the blonde so happy. Even if it meant her being hurt with the reason behind the girl's happiness. Still, Taylor catches when Karlie's smile drops and she immediately contains her excitement.

"I'm sorry I'm being so extra about it. I don't want to make you uncomfortable," Taylor says the last sentence barely above a whisper.

The green-eyed girl sighs before responding, "You don't have to be sorry. It's a normal thing! You're happy, for yourself and your girlfriend."

She puts emphasis on the word, out of jealousy and even a bit of annoyance. Trying hard not to let even a sliver of her feelings show for fear of this situation getting even messier. But Karlie can't help herself; she wanted to know about Dianna, and what's happened to Taylor.

Clearing her throat, she tries to ask in a neutral tone, "If you don't mind my asking, how long have you guys been together?"

Taylor looks away from the girl in front of her before answering. "It's complicated...Uhm, we were together for six months then we kinda took a break. But it's been around a month since we've gotten back together."

It was easy for Karlie to put two and two together as she retraced their conversations from over a month ago. She and Dianna were already a thing before we even met?! No wonder she was so okay with the idea of a non-committal thing.

"That's...great! So you, uh, told her about your vacation, then?"

"Bits of it, yeah," she answers, still not meeting Karlie's eyes.

So she didn't tell her about us either. The green-eyes girl takes a sip of her coffee and looks back out the window, not quite knowing how to properly continue the conversation. Anything we'll talk about will always end up awkward so just go ahead and ask her Kloss, she mentally berates herself.

"Did you get the book?"

At the mention of the novel, Taylor actually looks over at Karlie and smiles. The memories of the moment they met not lost on her, as she giggles  when nodding.

"I've read it cover to cover, it's already my absolute favorite," Taylor says drily.

Karlie smiles but doesn't laugh along with her. She tries to keep her voice steady when she asks Taylor, "So why didn't you call? Why didn't you come see me when you'd gotten back?"

"I was waiting— you were always at the back of my mind and then just out of nowhere, you have a girlfriend?!" Karlie was willing herself not to break down right there in front of her and all those people around them. She didn't want to make herself look like an even bigger fool to Taylor, crying over something that apparently meant nothing to the other girl.

Taylor's eyes were the lightest shade of blue Karlie had ever seen them at. Almost as if it was empty of all the vibrant hues that gave them life.

"Because...because it wasn't fair to Toni. Or to Dianna, or to you! You deserve this girl who knows you completely and loves you, and who'd do anything for you— Toni is that girl. I figured I was just there to help bring you back to her."

"But what if I don't want someone who knows me completely? Or what they think they know of me. I don't even know myself, at least not who I was and who everybody expects me to be! I've tried living in the shadow of my former self, pre-amnesiac Karlie, and it sucks! I don't feel like myself, nothing really feels right; it's just I'm basically living a life that isn't mine."

"When your memory comes back, it'll all be good and—"

"What if it doesn't?? I think I have to start accepting that as a real possibility. And if it does happen, I can't keep living in a ghost of someone else's life, that isn't me."

Karlie looks straight into Taylor's eyes, green reflecting in the pale blue, and says, "The Karlie you met in Westerton and the Karlie you're with now, it's who I really am. Who feels something for you, deeper than just attraction and I want to know if you still feel something for me too."

"It's not that simple, Kar. I mean— I do...like you. I've felt something special since the day I met you at that riverbank. Like my heart flutters and butterflies keep buzzing in my stomach when I think of you. Then when you went away, I felt gutted. I tried to keep the feelings at bay, so you could restart your life. And when I came back here, it just felt like the right thing to do was go back to Dianna and let you live the life you and Toni deserved before the accident ever happened."

The green eyes that were shining with s fiery passion never left Taylor's, neither of them breaking the tension in each other's stare. "Do you think staying in relationships with people because you don't wanna hurt them, even if you have no real feelings for them, that's the right thing to do?"

Taylor shrugs. She throws her hands up in defeat asking, "What do you want me to say?! I don't know anymore, Karlie. It's been confusing, you know? Missing you and feeling like I had half of my heart ripped out when you left! Yet knowing I couldn't really be with you even if I felt it deep within myself, that I'd fallen in love, in that time I got to spend with you."

With the blonde's head bowed and her gaze steady on the floor as she fought back tears, Karlie brings her hand to cup the side of Taylor's face. She tilts the girl's head to look up at her as she smiles sadly, "You love me?"

"Oh god, yes. And I don't think I'll ever tire of loving you," Taylor nods. Her cheeks already stained with tears that ran off onto Karlie's skin.

Karlie gently draws her thumb in circles on Taylor's cheek. Remembering the comfort it gave both of them in the moments they were together. Taylor closes her eyes and puts her hand on top of Karlie's, leaning further into her touch.

Karlie takes a deep breath as she feels her body start to warm even further with the blood rushing through her veins. She brings her face inches from Taylor's, almost whispering against her skin, "Taylor, I love you."

//

a/n: i :) am :) suffering :) ...this is so complex and painful. but still, kaylorrrr ❤️

might bring in a new character or two? for the next update. tell me, what do YOU think is gonna happen? which is the real endgame here? hahaha