Broken Defender

Chapter Twenty-Four ~ Secrets Of A Slut

Sexual. Intercourse... two words that had never frightened me before; somehow they scared the absolute hell out of me now. It's not that I'm scared of the idea of losing my virginity to Harry... more specifically that I'm just scared of losing my virginity in general. I mean I've gone seventeen years without having sex, and though I found him very alluring, I also found the change extremely terrifying. I hear it hurts, especially for girls who haven't experimented. I haven't done anything, nothing. I guess it's the social norm for girls my age to experiment with this sort of thing, but I haven't. Is that weird? Is it odd that I haven't ever messed around with a boy; that I've never been touched? Is it stranger still that I have never thought to touch myself? I don't even know what to think of this entire situation. I'm clueless. Of course I know what sex is, and how it works. I'm not a completely mindless prude, and I've taken sex education... last semester in fact. But I'm still clueless, and I'm not really sure if I'm ready to get clued in quite yet.

On the other hand, I'm probably overreacting. Assuming Harry's a virgin, I'm sure he still has at least a better grasp on the dos and don'ts for a first time than I do. And then assuming Harry has had sex before, I'd probably be much better off as far as comfort, and his ability to perform.

His ability to perform? Where is all of this coming from? Am I suddenly the Cosmopolitan Magazine? I'm overanalyzing this... when I'm ready, I'll know it... or that's what people say anyway. When I'm ready, I'll know it.

"I'm really sorry 'bout last night." He whispered, kissing the apple of my cheek as I leaned with my back against my locker.

School was already out for the day, and though class always kept us apart, every moment we could be together, we inseparable; more so than normal actually. Yesterday, after all, we had experienced our first argument as a couple; a milestone – small though it had been – that seemed to bring us closer.

"It's fine, I told you that." I reassured him.

His lips lingered on my cheekbone, leaving just the ghost of his touch in their wake as he gently trailed down to my ear. His arms locked securely around my waist, and his lips nipped at my earlobe, sending a warm shudder down my spine.

"I love you." He breathed.

The sound in my ear only intensified that shudder. My toes in my boots curled, and the feeling soon rippled into a bubbling sensation that fizzled in my belly. His breath showering warmly over the side of my neck, combined with the words he spoke, and caused me to giggle just loud enough for him to hear. He grinned at the sound. His mouth grazed across my jawline before eventually catching hold of my earlobe, nibbling it gently between soft plum lips as I giggled a second time. He loved making me giggle, though I found the sound quite embarrassing myself.

"I love you too." I sighed, resting my fist against his shoulder as he hummed a laugh into my ear.

The deep resonance of his laugh seemed to make my heart race even faster than it had been. His lips moved slowly from my ear to my mouth again as he kissed me sweetly. His forehead rested against mine while he inhaled, gathering his thoughts.

"It's just, you make me-"

He didn't finish the sentence. His grip around my waist loosened as his eyes met mine again. His expression seemed slightly apologetic.

"Ya know..." He half explained, more in the look in his eyes than the vague words that passed his lips.

I knew what he meant, what he was trying to say... and I almost nodded my head, trying to express my confirmation of understanding, but I was interrupted by Harry's chest crashing into mine. I felt my back land hard against the locker door as quickly as he ripped himself back away from me, spinning around on his heel to see who had pushed him.