Chapter 12/ thoughts

271 8 0

by Julsmoon101

by Julsmoon101

V:"hey, so I have chemistry now so we have to go apart :(. See ya. And don't forget to smile!"
J:" I'll remind that ! See ya !!

I went to my next class and tried to blend out everything around me. This was pretty hard, because a lot of people were looking at me. And I didn't even know why.

Inner monologue
Why am I always behaving so strangely when Jacob is around, I asked myself. How was that possible ? What should I do ? I should say sorry. But how ? Should I talk to him ? No. That's not a good idea. What if I get a panic attack again? His also doesn't think that this is so funny. I play with his "feeling for me". I can't do this. Should I text him ? " dear Jacob, I'm sorry that I hugged you and you hugged me really tight and we were almost kissing and than I cried and ran away because I had a panic attack ..."
Nop I'm not going to text him.! I'm not good at texting or talking. What should i do ? Ughhhh why is this so hard ? I literally know him for 1 day. On fucking day and he already makes me crazy.
He must think I'm crazy and awkward and dumb and ugly and fat and probably also that I'm taking drugs. ( for sure I'm not !)
He never want's to talk to me again. Maybe I thought that the hug was "normal " and a "friendship hug" like the ones from Verena. But it definitely wasn't one of those. It was so ....I don't know. I just don't know. And that's my problem. I D O N ' T K N O W W H A T ' S G O I N G ON !