Amnesia

Chapter 13

A/N I skipped forward the list to the last challenge, cuz it would be pretty boring reading ten chapters about challenges. Hope you don't mind ^.^
* means play the song up there ^
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I wake up feeling grumpy and tired. For ten days I have been doing really tiring challenges. I'm worn out and snappy lately. I'm also not feeling to good about myself. My anorexia was doing really well, but now I'm back to square one. Which is the truthful square. I am fat.
   Evan still snoring away, I pad out of the room and into the shower room across the hall. The room is deserted, towels flung everywhere. I strip off my clothes, and while getting into the shower catch a glimpse of myself.
     For a second I see a thin pale girl, with a ladder of ribs, shoulder blades sticking out like wings, and a hollowed out, caved in stomach. This girl has bags under her eyes, and her wrists look like they could snap.

Then I see the reality.

My gut bulges, my neck is all blubber, as are my chubby legs and dimpled cheeks. My knees are soft and doughy, capable of sinking in with no problem. My ankles look like elephant feet, my arms are round cylinders of fat.
   
One by one tears drip down my cheeks, horrified at this fat girl looking back at me. I turn away from the mirror and walk towards the weighing scales ad step on it.
30 kilograms?
   It's the food, its making you massive. Cut back on the food, trust me. I'm on your side. The voice chants in my head. I agree with the voice.
   I step into the shower and press the button. The hot water splashes on me, drenching my hair. I pick up the raspberry shampoo and squeeze it into my hand. I lather the shampoo all over my hair, making sure I haven't missed a spot. I tilt back my head, the water causing the foam to drip down into my body.
I dare not look down at my bulging gut. I don't need to be reminded of my obesity.
   Once all the suds have gone, I step out of the shower and wrap a towel around me, hiding my body. I get the hair dresser and let it ripple through my hair, drying the drenched tendrils.

I dragged a brush through my hair, making it a frizz ball, and put on my clothes.
   I pulled my black jeans up my legs, after my knickers, obviously. I put my bra and top on, before covering my body with a baggy jumper that goes half way down my thighs, stopping my big butt to be noticeable.

I threw socks and shoes on, not bothering to tie the laces of my black vans, and exited the shower room. Once at my door, Evan opened it in my face.
"Oh! Sam! I'm so sorry!" He cries. I rub my nose ad shrug.
"That's OK, I'll live." He notices my tear stained cheeks.
   "Have you been crying?"
   "No."
    "Honestly?"
     "No."
  Evan exhaled deeply and ran his fingertips through his hair, exasperated.
    "Why were you crying, Sam?"
    "Absolutely not."
He raises one eyebrow. "Ya sure about that?"
      "Positive."
He gives up and hands me list.
     "Does two o clock fit your schedule?" He asks. I check my time table and nod.
   "Then lets go get some breakfast!" He laughs, grabbing my hand and pulling me to the cafe.

He gets a small box of cereal and milk, and a cup of strong coffee, along with a blueberry muffin. I try to make out that I'm not hungry, or I eat already, but Evan just looks back at me, unconvinced.
   "You were doing great, Sam. What happened?" He asks, concerned.
It kills me to snap at him, but its the only way to get him to back off.
      "Evan, I'm fine. It is none of your business on what I am eating, and how I eat it. I don't need your help, so stop offering it."

Sadly, me snapping at him doesn't work. Instead, it makes him grab my hands. His green eyes search my blue ones, looking for a sign that I'm not actually mad. I soften as I see his face, and he notices, and drops his sad mask.
    For him, his mask is sadness, him being happy underneath it all. For me, the mask is happiness, so no one senses that I'm screaming for help inside.

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No.10 Cliff Diving.

I exhale deeply, rubbing my temples.
You better not wear a bikini under that wetsuit, then he'll never like you. Who would like a fat girl?
  
The voice chants, its words like a dagger twisting in my heart. Though I know its right.
    My gut grumbles, screaming for food. All day my stomach has been churning with hunger, and anxiety. I don't want to lose Evan. I need to keep slim.

I'll be smart, I'm not going to starve myself. I'm going to eat a boiled egg and apple  for breakfast, tuna, cold chicken, and salad leaves for lunch, and the same for dinner.

Those foods have protein, yet don't make you fat. If I'm strong, I can use being fit as an excuse if someone (Evan) asks about my eating. It's fool proof.

Evan meets me outside, then walks me to his car. We hop in the car with silence, before me turning on Spin 1038. Bohemian Rhapsody by Queen pops on, causing me to scream along to the magnificent song.
    That song is my childhood. Once a week my mum would play it while she was cleaning, and made me learn the lyrics.

*"I'm just a poor boy, I need no sympathy. Because I'm easy come, easy go," * I scream at the top of my lungs.

Evan sticks his head out the window and screams "HELP ME" out to the passengers. I laugh and dance ferociously, whacking into the gear stick occasionally.

The car ride lasts Bohemian Rhapsody repeated ten times. Which equals Evan nearly throwing himself out of the window 10 times.

We reach the cliff, which has the sea splashing below it. Evan over exaggerated hugely. The cliff is no more then a step surrounded by deep clear sea.
   I get changed in the bathroom, vowing myself to not look down at my gut.

Evan is waiting outside in his wetsuit, his hand held out for me. I hold it and squeeze tightly, nervous as hell. We walk towards the miniature step, and I grip his hand tighter. As the  water splashes over our feet we shiver, turning blue.
   "Ready?"
   "No."
   "3,"
   "2,"
   "1,"
   "JUMP!" We scream together as we jump, high school musical style.