Relapse (Luke Hemmings)

Chapter 6. Reunited

~~~~Nicole's POV~~~~
I couldn't sleep much last night so I just started thinking. I kept thinking until I started to sob. "Nicole?" I hear Luke. I feel him bring me into his chest. "What's wrong?" Luke asks me. His voice is raspy but soothing, I calmed down a little bit and sighed.
"Luke," I said his name. I couldn't really believe I was doing this but I wanted to tell Luke what I have done to myself but I also dont want him to give me body checks either. "I did something bad," I tell him. I begin to start crying again. I feel Luke's hand on my face.
"Nicole, it's okay don't cry," Luke tells me, even though he was tired I could tell he was holding back tears. I knew Luke hated seeing me cry.
"No Luke, I broke a promise, our promise. I cut myself again and..." I cluldnt speak anymore I was already burying my face deeper into Luke's chest. I felt comfortable in his arms, yet I felt so much guilt. I couldn't keep it all inside. It was eating away at me, I honestly was hoping a couple hours ago that Luke wouldn't find out but here I am at 2am sobbing about it in his chest.
"Nicole, it's okay. I promise. You are so brave and strong, I believe in you. I'm not dissapointed or mad at you. It does break a little piece of me to see my world breaking, I want to help but I- no I will help you because you're my everything and I would do anything to make you happy," Luke explains to me sitting up, bringing me with him and cradling me as I uncontrollably sob into his chest.
"How... In the world... Was I able to have the privilege... of dating you...?" I managed to ask in between sobs. Luke is so patient with me, he always has been... but I'm afraid once he sees what I will do he wouldn't wanna stick around. I've already gone too far. I know if he tries to make me eat or takes my blades away I'm gonna go full maniac on him. Not because I want to, it's the need that controls me.
"I can ask you the same question," Luke tells me.

Luke and I stay like that for a while. Next thing I know I'm waking up to my alarm. I've recently changed it to Luke's bands new song jet black heart. Luke thinks that I only did that because I'm dating him. Really it's because I really like the song, scratch that, I love the song.
I get up and do what I usually do to get ready. I take a shower, put my clothes on, brush my hair, brush my teeth, and put deodorant on. This combined usually takes me 30 minutes in total. I noticed i had time to do some things so I get my phone and earbuds and started playing the Jet Black Heart music video. I couldn't help myself, the song and the video... It's the reason I got up 10 minutes earlier, those 10 minutes would've been put to other uses- sleep basically.
Before I knew it i was kissing Luke goodbye and heading out the door. I do this often really, I hate leaving Luke but I have to contribute. Plus I get to see my friend, Dottie. I haven't been talking to her that much but I finally got a shift with her so work shouldn't be as boring.
I do the usual. Clock in. Set up the cashregisters. Count the money. And put my extras in the break room. Shortly after I got done setting up Dottie comes in.
"Hey!" I greeted her. She looked up at me and smiled as she put her things up.
"Hey. Haven't seen you much lately. How's Luke?" Dottie questioned, starting a conversation.
"Luke's good!" I cherped, "How's Dalton? I asked her. I suddenly regret it because Dottie's smile vanished within seconds and so did mine.
"He, he um... Well in simpler terms he was just using me to get .y 'friends' attention because he liked her instead of me," Dottie's lip starts quivering.
"Oh, Dottie, I'm so sorry. In all honesty he made the mistake and let go an amazing person. You'll find someone better, way better," I actually meant every word I said. I've always been invious of Dottie because she's so pretty.
"Thanks, but I am talking to this new guy who's way better than Dalton ever was," Dottie giggled, her smile returned and so did mine. Why is it when I'm around this girl I act like a middle schooler or a peppy highschooler?
I gasped and then started laughing. "What's his name?" I finally ask walking over to the coffee machines to brew some coffee.
"His name's Michael," she tells me. My mouth dropped. It can't be my Michael, could it?
"Michael Clifford?" I asked still stund.
"Yes," Dottie confirmed it.
"Oh my god, I- he's like my brother! I can ask him if he's interested in you," and there it is, the giddy teenager I am. Why do I act like this around this girl?
"Woah. Really?!" Dottie screamed, throwing her hands to her mouth realizing how childish our conversation is.
More "middle school boy talk" later and very disturbed costumers later Dottie's and I's shift is over. I see Luke's car park and Luke getting out of his car and making his way towards the door, entering and coming over to me then giving me the biggest hug ever. Like he was saying goodbye, but instead it was one of his famous "I love you" hugs.
"I've missed you so much, you have no idea how lonely I was for... I don't even know how long you've been gone but God I've missed you," Luke tells me, over exaggerating the fact I've been at work for 9hours.
"Luke? If I come back to a trashed apartment because you got bored I'm going to make you clean the whole damn apartment," I threaten, mumbling my words into his chest.
Luke just chuckled at me and pulled us apart while keeping my shoulders in his hands. He then looks over my shoulder at Dottie. "Oh hi, been a while since I've last seen you," Luke greets Dottie.
"Hi," Dottie chirps. "Nice to see you again, Nicole's been talking about you all day again," Dottie laughs.
"I can tell him," I threaten her. She immediately stops laughing and a horrified look spreads across her face.
"You wouldn't," she challenges me.
"Oh, I would," I threaten, a smirk spreads across my face as I look at Luke then to Dottie.
"Fine, fine. I won't say anything else about what you've told me," Dottie gives in.
I started laughing. "We're adults and we're acting like children," I blurted still laughing. Dottie joins in and agrees with me.
"I probably don't want to know," Luke backs away. I kinda forgot he was there, oops.
"You really don't," I answered him. "Dottie you can come over if you want to, we don't have any plans for today other than watch TV," I tell her then looked up at Luke for any objections. I don't see any or hear any so I assume he's okay with her coming over.
"I'll let you girls catch up and I'll just go to Michaels and hang out there so I don't over hear anything weird," Luke tells us blushing.
"Okay, sounds good. Tell Michael I said hey," I tell Luke. I look over at Dottie who's face was now a deep shade of read. I take her by the arm and lead her out to my car.
"So you can just follow me to my apartment since your car is here," I tell her hoping she heard me.
"Okay," Dottie agrees pulling out her keys and heading to her car. I do the same and pull out of my spot and onto the road making sure Dottie was behind me. She was. It only took 10 minutes to get to Luke and mine's apartment. Soon enough Dottie and I were pulling into the driveway and parking so we can meet each other again and go inside.
"Nice place," Dottie tells me nodding her head slowly.
"Thanks," I thanked her setting my keys on the table. I turn around and smiled at her.
"So, how long have you been talking to Michael because I haven't seen you around that much?" I asked her still continuing to smile.
"For a couple months now, he's been coming to Starbucks looking for you but I was usually on shift so he would talk to me and then we exchanged numbers and we talk, well text each other a lot," Dottie explains to me smiling at the ground.
"Awe," I cood at her making her blush again. "Seriously, I know that he is single and ready to mingle," I tell her shaking my shoulders, "and you're really pretty and have the best personality, he's probably wanting to date you," I cheered.
Dottie laughs at my enthusiasm, "well if that's the case then I'll be ready for him to make the move," Dottie tells me.
"The thing is," I start, "Michael needs a lot of obvious hints so he needs to have that extra push," I explain to Dottie who's nodding. "If it's okay with you I can bring you over to his house on another day Luke's not there and poke him and ask him questions maybe even persuade him to take you on a date," I tell her wiggling my eyebrows. What? I'm aloud to act like a child if I want to.
"Okay, I'll just pretend I'm deaf and have no idea what's going on," Dottie confirms. I smile and she smiles as well. I walk into the living room and sit on the couch. Dottie does the same as I do.
"So how's things with you?" Dottie asks me.
"Things are okay," I sigh fiddling with my thumbs.
"What's wrong?" Dottie asks me. "And don't deny it, I can tell somethings bothering you," Dottie warns me.
"Nothing with Luke and I's relationship, if that makes you feel better. I've just been having negative thoughts about myself and urges that I've acted on that I used to do in the past and I don't know, I don't want Luke to feel like he's caused any of this really," I explain to her, not giving all the details.
"Like what?" Dottie questions me again raising her eyebrows.
"Starving, thinking I'm fat, thinking that Luke doesn't love me, thinking that I'm just a joke and I don't need to live anymore- worrying about Luke being disappointed in me," I then start fake coughing and say, "cutting," in between the coughs.
"What was that part? The part where you started coughing, I just wanna make sure I've heard you right," Dottie urges me. It's obvious she wants to know so she can say something about it.
"Cutting," I mumble into my hand. This time I knew she heard me because her facial expression turned into a wide eyed-mouth wide open expression.
"Nicole, the way that Luke even looks at you tells me he would do anything for you hand and foot, he would love you through thick and thin. You're far far far from fat. You're probably below skinny, no offense... and cutting?" Dottie questions the last part tearing up. "That's horrible, I-I'm not gonna tell anyone about this because it's not my place to tell anyone. But please know that if Luke isn't here and you feel unbearably depressed, please give me a ring because I may not be around a lot but I still care," Dottie explains to me, before I knew it my eyes were welling up with tears which were escaping.
Dottie leans over and hugs me. I start sobbing and telling her that I shouldn't feel these things, that I shouldn't hate myself, because I always thought that I would be okay by now. I was so very wrong. So, so, so, very wrong.
I missed having a best friend there to hold me and listen to me cry about life. With Luke it's different; I'm afraid to hurt him because I have these problems, I want him to see me as the happy person I used to be so long ago. I don't want him to cry over me, his pain will make me feel worse because I would think I've done something wrong. With Dottie, I don't have to worry about her crying in secret over me because she will cry with me. She won't put on a brave face in front of me when I'm telling her this. She will cry with me. That probably doesn't sound like it has much of a difference, but in my case, there's a huge parodox between them.
As Dottie and I cry it out I start to feel a little better. I don't normally get my hopes up about me feeling better because I usually sink back to where I was before, but I enjoy it while it lasts. I went from the giddy teenager talking about boys to the sobbing mess of a person to a person eating icing and watching How I Met Your Mother on Netflix with my best friend and I'm enjoying it.
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So this was a day late but that's okay because my sinuses started acting up and I basically felt like a giant shit pile yesterday.
But Im okay now, finally done with my research paper so I have some free time... As I'm typing this I realized I have math homework.... Meh I'm good at mayh, I'll do it in the morning.
Anyways thank you so much for reading and putting up with my crappy uploading schedules and chapters, I have my moments where some parts of the story is boring.
I have no idea if I should add a triggar warning... Eh I warned you guys about the Nicole POV.
But yeah, thank you for reading it means a lot ^°^