Relapse (Luke Hemmings)

Chapter 10. Unknown became known

(Yeah... huge trigger warning)
~~~~Michael's POV~~~~
We were driving to the second show and I was looking through my suitcase for my phone charger. Instead of my phone charger I find a book. "Why is this in here?" I questioned looking at the back of it. I turned it around to read Nicole on the front cover.
Being the nosy Michael I am I opened the spiral notebook to read the intro.
5/23/2013
I bought this notebook for a reason. I wanted to record my feeling and shit in here. No this isn't a diary I'm not that pathetic or childish. I just want to let things out is all. Okay... here it goes.
Today I- well I did the same as yesterday. I woke up. I cried a little because I was alive. I went to school, stayed quiet. Why don't I have any friends? Michael's not around. I have no one. Moms always working. I cut myself too and I didn't eat thankfully.
I skipped a couple pages to the next year.
3/27/2014
I saw him again today. Gee, I have no friends and yet I have feeling for Luke Hemmings. I can't talk to him though- that's scary. He doesn't even know I exist anyways. He probably wouldn't even acknowledge me anyways. He probably would hate me more than I hate myself. Oh wait, that's impossible- I want to kill my self constantly, he would probably just dislike my presence. Besides he talks to a bunch of other girls anyways I'd just be another person in life.
At least I have Michael now. I'm moving in with him in a few months which will be fun. Moms not around anymore really and when she is she usually yells at me. Michael's my best friend, my only friend. He probably hates me too. But I guess he has to put up with me because I agreed to moving in with him. Welp better than being yelled at all day I guess.
11/10/2014
Michael found out about my eating disorder... he made me eat. I can't hate him. I can't be mad at him. But I am now. He keeps standing guard because I threatened to puke everything out. He's literally sleeping outside my bedroom door. I mean I could try to step over him- I'll be right back journal...... I was in mid vomit. I was so close to getting everything out. Fuck you Michael and your light sleepingness.
    3/20/2015
Michael... Luke... Ashton... Calum... LUKE. Michael took me to his band practice and Luke's in his band. I had to eat pizza though but Luke acknowledged me. He was... HE GOT CELEBRATORY PIZZA FOR ME. What is this feeling I'm feeling. Could this be excitement, happiness, positive feeling? Whatever this is it's because of Luke. I'm going to purge this pizza though because Michael's in his room sleeping. Ick, I'm so fat. 92 pounds is to much.
4/18/2015
I'm done, please I want to die. I'm killing myself today. I can't handle this anymore. I can't. It hurts to fucking much. Fuck this shit no. Done. I'm done. I'm dying today. No one cares about me. No. Fucking. One. Nun. Nada. Zero. Bye forever.
   I stopped reading when I heard Ashton. "What ya reading Michael?" He asked me.
    "Oh uh, something old- it's nothing really," I tell him putting the journal up and turning around to fully face him.
    "Oh? You know what- that's your business, you probably don't want to discuss," Ashton says to me pulling out his phone. I then went back to searching for my phone charger.
    "Did I really not bring it?" I sigh in disappointment with myself.
    "Did you forget your phone charger?" Ashton asks laughing. I guess he knew the answer because he told me, "here you can use mine," and unplugged his from the wall and handed it to me.
    "Thanks Ash," I thanked him, I then plugged the phone charger into the wall on my side and had a conversation with Ashton about the tour and the amazing fans we have and Luke.
    "Yeah, Luke hasn't been himself lately, he's all glum and out of it most the time. Have you noticed when he's playing he's constantly looking through the crowned, very thoroughly I might add," Ashton asks me.
    "Yeah, I have actually. He misses Nicole- a lot, I mean I miss her too but he's more emotionally attached to her than I am," I tell Ashton causing him to think.
  I started thinking too. Not the same thing as he was. I was thinking about Nicole's journal I found. I was planning on reading all of it start to finish later tonight when no ones awake, I know that's an invasion of privacy but if it was left back home then it must've not been written in got a very long while. The real question is.
    How did I mistake it for my charger?
_________
Yeah different perspective in this story.
   So you like it?
   Stupid question sorry. Anyways I hope you do XD.
    Sorry for the short chapter I was writing this so next chapter makes since. *hint hint*
    Thank you so much for reading though. I know I say that in all my chapters. I'm just thankful for you guys.
    I like writing and it makes me happy that I have continuous readers. ^.^