i hate this.
i hate how i miss you so much, and you have probably already replaced me.
i hate how i can't hate you.
i hate how every time i see you, all i see is every moment i fell in love.
i don't see the heartbreak.
i see the morning we skipped practice to get breakfast.
i see the night i cried on the phone and you asked me what 'my story' was.
i see the day i stayed after school with you and we picked out goldfish.
i see the afternoon you came over and i showed you the teepee that i built when i was 12, my secret getaway when life gets rough.
i see the time when i was falling apart, and you told me to draw something so i could feel better, and i began drawing you.
i see the hot summer day when i biked to your house and you asked me if you could kiss me while riding my bike. i stumbled over my words.
i see the first time you went to put your arm around me, you were so cautious. you rubbed my shoulder reassuringly.
i see us laughing until our sides hurt the day i went through your playlist and blasted 'Hey Ya' for everyone to hear.
i see us planning out our lives; as if we can predict the future. talking about moving away and building hotels and going into law school.
i see the broken hair binders from the times where you 'styled' my hair.
i see you chasing my friends down the hallway during photography class.i see the nights we spent doing our science homework together, and how those conversations always drifted from science.
i see every single smile you ever flashed at me.
i hear every single inside joke we shared.
i remember the sound of your breathing and the beating of your heart and the way i couldn't stop shaking after you kissed me for the first time.
and i fall in love all over again,
with someone who has forgotten about me
