Unexpected

Alicia James

The light turns green and we drive off.

"We need to go to my apartment real quick, I need to go get something."

He keeps driving,"Okay, just up here right?"

"Yea, just take a left at the next light, and those apartments on your right."

He follows my directions and we're at my apartment in less than 10 minutes. I get out and enter my apartment. As soon as I enter, Chaz runs towards me.

"Hey Chaz, how's my good boy," I pet him and he licks my hand.

"So cute."

I go into my bedroom and walk over to my mirror. When I look down, I see the framed picture of Kenzy and I, smiling together, before she died. I pick and take it with me. I walk out of my bedroom and feed Chaz before I go. Before I exit, I say, "Chaz."

He looks at me, panting.

"Be good."

He finishes his food, gets on the couch and lays down. I close the door and head back to the car.

* * * *

After we eat, I go back to the car to get the flowers and the picture. I walk back to Eddy.

"Ready?" he asks.

I clutch the photo to my chest.

"Yeah."

We walk up towards her grave. We stop in our tracks.

I look at her gravestone again.

"Our baby will always be playing with that baby blue in the lawn."

My heart stops for a second.

I breathe out and place the flowers and the picture down and return to Eddy's side. He interlocks his hand with mine.

"Hey Kenzy, it's Alicia. I brought someone here to meet you. Kenzy, this is Eddy, the guy I've been talking about for a few years now. Eddy, this is Kenzy, who would be 17 later this year, but died when she was 7."

Tears spring to his eyes. "Hi Kenzy, it's so nice to meet you."

I wipe some of his tears. "It's okay Eddy."

"Seven years old... just a little girl." More tears fell.

"Shh, shh, shh, shh, no more tears," I wipe some more of his tears.

He dries his eyes and I continue," I know that most of the time I visit, I'm either crying or angry, but today, I want to reminisce back to the good days, you know?"

"Do you remember when went to the water park for your 6th birthday? And you were afraid of going down the water slide, so I went with you? Or when we had that splashing contest?"

I stared at my feet and whispered," When everything was good and this didn't happen, to us, all of us." Eddy draped his arm over my shoulder and pulls me closer in his embrace and we stand in silence.

We say our byes to Kenzy and we get back to the car driving.

As I look out the car window and see the trees pass by, I think about when I relapsed the first time, when I was 17.

"Do you really have to go? You can stay here, you know?" Eddy looks at me with sad eyes.

"I don't even know Eddy. Yesterday was very traumatic, no I really don't have to nor want to, but she's my mom, and despite all the shit, which has been a hell of a lot, I have some love for my fucked up alcoholic bitch of a mother."