My Many Mishaps

That sinking feeling

I have a really bad habit of sitting on the bathroom counter. Brushing my teeth? On the counter. Combing my hair? On the counter. Would I sit on the counter while tending to a paper cut? You'd better believe it.

It was about midnight, not long ago. I was taking care to make sure my eyebrows were in prime fleeky-ness. As expected, I was sitting on the counter.

For some reason, there was a bath towel laying on the marble counter, which was a little... Slide-y.

The (n)ever-vigilant me didn't notice. I climbed up on the counter and sat on the towel. I grabbed my tweezers and started grooming the duel-squirrel-tail brows I was rocking. I leaned forward to get a better look, because even my Hubble telescope glasses don't work all that well. Shifting my weight was a bad idea. The towel started to slip around on the sleek countertop, and I tried to regain balance.

I should also mention that I have a horrible sense of balance, the reflexes of a sloth, and the agility of a hammock.

The cloth came out from under me, and I found myself in a bit of an odd spot. I slid into the cold resting place of soapscum and used toothpaste.

I was stuck in the sink.

I wish I was exaggerating when I say stuck. I wriggled around, trying to escape my tiny chamber specializing in hygiene care.

I tried to go about my escape quietly. I was the only one awake at that time of night... And if my sister found me with my butt stuck in a sink.. Oh boy.

Even attempting to be quiet, in my fit of squirming, I managed to knock over every bottle, jar, tube, and brush we had on the counter.

That was the exact opposite of quiet.

My little sister ran in, saw me in my situation, said nothing, and left. I turned to see why she left. Maybe a cat was whining about something, or her rodents needed food. I didn't know.

While I was turning around to try to see her, my elbow hit the tap. I didn't realize I'd bumped it until a cold blast of water gushed onto my jeans. Not the leg of my jeans, no. The worst possible spot if you have a bully of a sister.

It looked like I had wet myself.

I was cold, I was wet, and I knew I couldn't get out alone. I called out for my sister to come back and help me, but instead she came back with my Mom's iPhone and hit record.

She took a video of me stuck in the sink. My sister, stood there, totally silent, taking a video of me with my (now wet) butt lodged in between a tap and a drain.

That continued for four minutes.

Finally I got her to stop recording and help me. (I had to throw one of my 80's looking arm warmers at her.) With our combined powers, I was free at last.

Relieved, I called it a night and went to bed. I was almost asleep when my phone started playing 500 Miles by the proclaimers. That tone was set to go off every time I received a text. I picked up my phone to see four messages.

From my Aunt: How did you even manage to do that?

From my Gramma: Oh s**t, are you alright? Do you want me to come over tomorrow and examine your behind?

From my Mother: STOP MESSING AROUND AND GO TO SLEEP!!!!! 😡

And from my sister: lol

She had sent that video to my ENTIRE family. I remember going to my Gramma's for Thanksgiving, and the first thing my Aunt said to me was "How's your butt, slippy-girl?"

My family still won't let me live it down.