My Many Mishaps

Measuring Stupidity

I'm sure there's a point in life when every kid wants to be a ninja. The Ninja Turtles, Scorpion & Sub Zero, Ninjago, Jackie Chan, that old show American Dragon.. The Ninja was and is everywhere.

There was this kid who sat next to me in Algebra who constantly picked on me. Wether it be "on how sentient my hair looks" or "Nice meat dress ,Gaga Buffet" {Please.. Don't ask} he'd just mess with me.

Well, this kid, who I'll call Chad, always had bright ideas. And by bright ideas, I mean doing something stupid that has a 99% chance of death. That includes making Ninja stars from protractors.

Chad and his goons were essentially playing a game of pointy frisbee. In a classroom. Three feet behind me.

Great idea. Brilliant.

The teacher was watching Gangnam
Style at her desk, letting us kids do whatever we were going to do. It was like letting a herd of Rhinos fight to the death inside a classroom. (She was a teacher who didn't teach, let me tell ya.)

Anyhow, I was drawing my D&D characters, at my desk in the front of the room, while Chad and the rhinos were playing Mortal Kombat IRL behind me.

Seriously. I heard one of them do the Lu Kang bicycle kick scream, and terrible impression of Scorpion's "GET OVER HERE!" Morons.

As that famous Kombat Kry hit the air, I felt a sharp sting in the back of my head. I turned to give those wads a piece of my mind, when a girl screamed bloody murder.

The protractor had gotten stuck in my scalp.

Naturally, I freaked out. I'm the kind of dork who thinks she'll die if she gets a splinter, so you can imagine how I reacted to having a protractor stuck in my head.

It didn't really hurt, but I was stuck in the mindset of: "If I don't get this shrapnel out of my head, I'm gonna need to get an ARK reactor like freakin' Tony Stark, and then I'm gonna have to have someone with small hands change it, and thenthere'llbelubeandthat'llbegrossandIdon'tlikethis!"

Before I knew what was going on, my teacher pinned me to my desk by my neck, pulled out the plastic ninja weapon, and used my sweatshirt to stop the bleeding.

I must've looked like a complete nut. Shrieking loudly as a protractor impaled my skull. (Okay, fine. My epidermis and dermis, not the bone.)

If you've ever seen One Punch Man, think back to Hammerhead running from Speed-o-Sound Sonic. He's perfectly fine, running along with a blade in his skull. No big deal.

I heard one of Chad's dumb friends yell "FATALITY!" followed by Chad yelling "Hey, you really ARE a numbskull!"

The whole class, and the teacher, laughed.

I just sat there. I didn't know what to do. Everyone was laughing because I got a protractor stuck in my head. How do you react to that?!

The teacher wiped her teary eyes, and finally managed to apologize for ignoring the situation. She, in her loud southern drawl, yelled "HEY! WATCH YER AIM! YER GONNA KILL SOMEONE!" back to the boys.

Now here I am, five years later, actually practicing Ninjutsu. So dear readers, (and "Chad" if you're reading this) ninja stars aren't even used by the typical Ninja. They can't fly strait at all. Use chopsticks or a pencil instead.

But preferably not while I'm in the room.