SKYWAY, CHAPTER FOUR: “THE RETURN OF AN OLD FRIEND”
I open the door to my mom’s home with the spare key she got me a year ago. –‘Mom!’ I yell cheerily, but there was no reply. That’s strange, mom knew I would be coming over today. I walk into the kitchen to make myself a cup of tea and try to cool it down whilst I walk into the living room. On the coffee table next to there sofa is a letter. A letter for me.
Emeli,
Your mom is in hospital. She has been wheeled in and out of the hospital lately, things are getting worse. You know she’s had cancer four years ago, it’s back. Your mom is fighting to stay alive. She wanted to tell you now because she didn’t want you to stop the tour and come over, risking your career to visit her.
I tried to convince Alexandra to tell you, but she is, just like you, extremely stubborn and wouldn’t listen. I would highly appreciate it if you’d come to the hospital as soon as you receive this letter.
Love,
Harold.
I call a cab and ten minutes later I arrived at the hospital I ran into the hospital, straight to the desk. –‘I’m here to see my mom, Alexandra Hall, could you please tell me what room she’s in?’ I ask trying to stay as calm as possible. –‘Room 223, second floor, seventh door on your right.’ I nod thankfully and too impatient to wait for the elevator, I take the stairs. –‘Fourth door, fifth door, sixth door, here it is!’ I knock on the door and hear a weak voice say I could come in. Tears fill my eyes as I look at her. She was pale, very pale, I could see her veins. Crying, I sit down next to her and take her hand in mine. –‘Emeli!’ says a tired voice. I look up and Harold embraces me tightly, sobbing and crying. He sits down on the other side of the bed. –‘I’ll wait outside.’ He stands up and walks to the door. –‘Mom,’ I say, tears filling my eyes as I look at the weak state she’s in. My mom has always been my inspiration, my strength, my power. She was always so happy and joyful, she was the one who taught me to always stay positive even in the worst situations, she was the reason I was always as cheerful as she was, always living life at the fullest. –‘Don’t cry over me, I’m not worth your tears,’ says my mom with a weak smile. –‘This is my fault. I should have been there. I’m so selfish mom, touring around while you were lying here, and I hate myself for it. It’s my fault…’ I bury my face in my hands. –‘You look so much like him, Emeli. You look so much like your dad. You have his eyes… I remember them so clearly… He was a wonderful man, Emeli, such a shame he had to pass so early. I wish you’d get to know him. You are so much alike… ’ she sighs. –‘Mom, don’t speak, save your last breaths. I’ll call Harold.’ I stand up and quickly get Harold.
We sit next to my mom and talk to her all night, mostly reminiscing memories, reliving the good times. A silence falls as we all go back to the time seven years ago, when the four of us went canoeing. My sister too, when she was still alive… -‘Do you think it hurts? Dying?’ –‘I think it’s just like falling asleep…’ –‘I guess I’ll be the first one to know,’ says my mom jokingly but no one laughs. –‘I never imagined it would end like this, in a hospital, lying here in unbearable pain, feeling weak, not able to move a muscle,’ says my mom slowly. –‘Me neither…’ I stare at my mom. Her heartbeat was getting weaker. –‘This is not the way it should end. You don’t deserve this.’
I’m sitting in Jim’s dressing room in the venue where we’re performing tonight, I’m very excited. I’m really hyper and jumping up and down. –‘Emeli, dude are you okay?’ asks Jim. I nod enthusiastically and continue bouncing up and down. I’m ready to perform, ready to run up that stage and sing my ass off. –‘I AM SO EXICTED!’ I yell and run down the hallway to Phil’s dressing room. I swing the door open and start running circles in his dressing room. –‘WE’RE PERFORMING IN DUBLIN!’ I yell. –‘We are, we have performed here ten times…?’ he says. He grabs my wrist making me stop running around. I stand still on my spot and jump up and down. -‘THERE IS SOMEONE COMIGN DOWN THE HALLWAY, HE’S COMING, HE’S COMING TO KILL US!’ I cry out. –‘Relax, relax, no one is going to kill you Emeli.’ –‘OF COURSE HE IS! HE NEARLY KILLED US LAST TIME AND HE’S COMING TO COMPLETE HIS TASK, HE’S BACK! HE’S TRYING TO TAKE OVER MY LIFE AGAIN!’ I yell. –‘Emeli, calm down, take a nap, you are not yourself.’ –‘No. NO! I MUST NOT SLEEP!’ I yell. I look around, looking for a way to escape him, but Phil grabs my shoulders and holds me on my place. He inspects my face closely. I look away trying to avoid his eyes looking into mine. –‘Not again! I thought you were over that! Emma! No! You can’t! This has to stop!’ –‘WHAT HAS TO STOP? HE HAS TO STOP!’ –‘Emma, you don’t understand, we can’t perform tonight if you’re doing this again, you HAVE to stop. Do it for the band. Do it for me.’ I bit my lip nervously and look around and see no one’s around. –‘Emeli, it can’t control your life anymore. I thought everything was okay after rehab last year?’ I smile happily. –‘It was until a month ago!’ I pull a face and smile widely. –‘What happened?’ I run to the other side of the room and smile widely. –‘I AM SUPERMAN!’ I yell and run out of his dressing room.
I can’t help it. It helps me get the energy I need, it helps to forget about everything and just be who I used to be. Before everything. It’s my addiction, I need it, but I can’t have it. My secret. After this show tonight, we have six months off in which we are in the studio working on out second album. Jake enters the room and eyes me up and suspiciously. I grabs my cheeks and inspects my eyes. –‘Just like Phil told me, your pupil’s indeed are dilated. Why have you been using it again?’ –‘I can’t help it,’ I say. –‘You can, and you are going to. You can’t carry on like this, it has to stop. It’s going to stop. After tonight’s show you’re going back to rehab. You have to. I don’t care how long it takes for you to stop this nonsense, I care about you, and I can’t stand seeing you get hurt. Emeli, it’s for the best.’ –‘Let me at least hang out with miss Jessie J this Saturday, after that I’ll do anything you want from me.’ –‘No. After tonight’s show you are going to rehab, no buts, no complaining, no arguing. You are Emeli, I’ll explain her the situation.’ –‘NO! Don’t! Please just tell her I can’t come? Please? I’m begging you!’
I smile at the crowd and feel the adrenaline rush through my veins. –‘As you all know this is our last performance for quite a few months,’ says Phil. –‘There is a little problem going on,’ says Michael. –‘And old friend of Emeli’s had returned after a year.’ –‘And I don’t really know how to say it, but,’ starts Phil. –‘I’m going back to rehab,’ I say, ‘Hate me for doing drugs again but I can’t help it. It’s like I’m a bee and drugs is my nectarine, I can’t stay away, I need it to stay alive. I will be back after rehab, I’m going to continue the band, but our second album will be delayed a few months. I’m sorry.’ I walk off stage and Jake drags me to his car, he’s probably scared I’m going to run off.
But I didn’t run off. I knew what I was doing wasn’t right, and I had to face the consequences. Even is that meant going back to hell, I had to do it. I had to get better, because I couldn’t carry on like this. It was wrong even though it somehow felt right. You won’t understand it, no one but other addicts would understand. It’s a need, the only thing that makes you feel happy. It makes you feel alive. It makes you feel alive in the worst way. Just let me give you some advice.
Don’t do drugs. It seems to be such a stupid sentence, but it makes sense after you’ve been there. It’s so much more than just three words. Because drugs isn’t just an addiction, it’s a way of living. Not a way you want to live, it destroys your life, you chances. When you use drugs you’re only happy the moments drugs influences you, the other moments you sit around feeling like crap, tired out, and have people complaining about you all the time because you act weird. When you’re at work, you are waiting for the moment to come home and be free. To be happy, and not to worry about all the stuff that’s going wrong in your life. It’s a pleasant feeling, but nothing can beat the feeling when you beat you addiction. When you walk out of rehab with a big, tired smile on your face, and you sit down in the car, and you think- ‘Never again.’ That’s the best feeling in the world, it makes you feel better than when you’re on drugs. It makes you feel strong and proud. It makes you the happiest person alive.
So that’s why I keep saying those three words. It’s to make you happy, so you don’t have to find out the way I had to find out. Don’t do drugs. It ruins you. It ruins your life.
