Rulebreaker//Selena Gomez COMPLETED

Chapter 4. The letter

(EDITED)

One month later

It's been a month since the incident. Which is when I find out about Max's death...
I felt numb and in pain. I didn't know what was happening and I didn't want to believe it. It's like he was there and then he was gone. It takes a while to get your head around. That's the problem with losing someone. There's nothing you can do but give it time. But it's easier said than done. It was so sudden... My heart couldn't handle it. I wasn't there for him...

That week, I attended his funeral, I felt the same numb, emotionless ,guilty and depressed feeling. Lydia and my mum were worried about how I was doing, but no matter how much they tried to comfort me... Nothing worked.

I remembered Max's envelope... The letter that was the last thing that I had been given by Max... I wondered what was inside it and why... Why didn't he give it to me in person?

I begin to open the letter the anticipation takes over me. I hope that this will calm me down ,give me an answer. He was the only thing right in my damn life. Now that's gone to. What have I ever done to deserve this? I let myself down again. As I open it the tension builds up until...

Dear Nara,

I have something important to tell you, now I know you might feel lost or betrayed but, here me out...We met when we were only kids. I met you in nursery and you were my best friend, we would do everything together, mum said we were inseparable and then... I fell in love with you. You were always the one for me but, after your dad left you became weak and vulnerable.You were a strong girl but inside knew you were hurting and I wanted to be the one to make it better . I wanted for you to think that you were mine and I was yours and for a while we stayed in a mind set like that but, all good things come down again. When it did come down and I was back to reality I realised what I created and what I had with you,I realised that you weren't mine forever because forever is a long time and I don't have that long. I would try to hide it from you but sometimes I really wanted you to know, I didn't want to lie to you anymore... I have had leukaemia over a year now. But I never knew if you would love me the same way. We will get through this because I love you. I love you and always will I know you will never forgive me from all the lies I have kept from you and I will never forgive myself. I will always love you. Goodbye my Nara!

From,

Max.

I didn't know what to think or do. What now? All these questions. The regret fills me up, I hated how we finished everything. His last words to me were ... go away."My heart pounding. It's gets louder and louder, I can feel my head oozing with pain. I want to scream but I can't. I try to move but I am stopped by my brain and thoughts. I can't think properly! I don't want to feel like this anymore. I want to get away! I want to be free from this. Its killing me! I don't want to be alone anymore. I want...

"Nara were home,hey Lydia picked out these great boots we thought they would cheer you up babe."

"Yeah sis come on,for me... Nara?"

"Oh my god NARA GET UP!"My mum screams.

I can hear nothing. I am flat on the floor, crying hopelessly hoping this would all go away. 'I want...' I repeat again and again. I am not able to hear a single word as I watch my mum and sister panicking, I can hear myself screaming inside. Yet, I can't move I can't feel I can't think. I am paralysed by my own thoughts and there is nothing can do...

All of a sudden, I appear in my room my eyes still shut but I know where I am. As I open scared to look I hear that sweet voice. Its mum!

"Nara...Nara wake up sweety."Mum whispers

"What...what happened?"I question

"Well I am still not sure but I think you just kind of blanked out..."

"Oh..."

"We can go now..." Lydia tells my mum realising I was in the hospital.

As I get up I can feel my head pounding with pain. My mum grabs my stuff as I get changed from hospital clothes back to my own clothes. When I find my reflection. As I look at myself I can see bloodshot eyes with dark circles underneath. I look tired,tired from everything.

"Look at you Nara,your a mess!"

One month later

It's been a months since the absence of him. It's been hard I love him and forever will. He gave me hope when I was lost. I just wish I knew so I could spend every moment with him.However, I am distracted by the sight in front of me. My eyes are wide open from the words infront of me. My fathers wedding invitation! 'Our speacial bridesmaids Lydia and Nara' It just makes me sick to think how my dad can love her so much and she acts so nice it's hard for me to hate her. I throw the invitation in the bin but Lydia picks it up before it gets contaminated. This month has not been the greatest and I am not in the mood for this argument . I grab it from her hand and chuck it back in the bin! All of a sudden her face is bright red she is burning up in anger! I step my guard down a little and try to stand up for myself. She tries to calm down and answers in a very croaky voice.

"We should go..."Lydia mummers

"WHAT!"

"Come on dad has done so much maybe we should do something even if it's painful." I can tell she is trying to keep her temper down and she is damn great at that. But, no! Why should I plus she doesn't have to force me to do anything!

"DAD LEFT US WHY SHOULD WE CARE HE LEFT YOU MUM AND ME HE DOESN'T CARE!" I shout at her.

Oh no I have made her furious I can see her eyes bloodshot eyes staring right into my soul her death stare will make anyone run for it! But I keep myself strong and keep to my point trying not stare at her. I forgot she is capable of killing you with the look!

"LISTEN HE NEVER WANTED THIS TO HAPPEN HE JUST FELL IN LOVE! YOU'RE BEING A BABY , I GET YOUR GOING THROUGH A HARD TIME BUT YOU KNOW THE WORLD DOESN'T REVOLVE AROUND YOU, THINK ABOUT HIM YOU KNOW HE DOES CALL EVERYDAY BUT YOU NEVER CARE, PRETENDING AS IF HE NEVER CALLS WAKE UP NARA!" Shouts Lydia.

I am speechless how...how dare she I am her sister she should respect me! Lydia's never like that; I stomp upstairs and slam the door in her face. But, maybe she is right,maybe I am selfish? What should I do? Have I ever been there for her or mum ,when they were hurting was I there for anybody? My phone keeps on beeping Its Becky and Emma I don't... what do I do?

A/N oh no what Max!!! Haha lol vote and comment guys ilysm.

Tee