If I Fell In Love With You

Chapter Eleven

News Years Eve

It's night before the New Year, the night before a new start.

Cynthia, John, and Julien all went to visit Cynthia's parents for the week. Therefore, I have the apartment all to myself which is good and bad. It's good because I have tranquility and quietness. It's bad because I don't like being alone. It's New Years Eve and I'm probably the biggest loser and loner for not going to a party like every other person would. Well, you also have to be invited to party which I wasn't, so it's going to be lonesome evening.

For dinner I had cereal, pretzels, saltines, and milk from the carton. Weird pregnancy carvings I assume. I felt guilty for drinking out of the carton. I've been lying on my bed since eight thirty and I still haven't fallen asleep yet. It's ten thirty and I can't stop thinking about Paul. I can't sleep. I haven't really slept the past few nights. I'm emotionally drained because I keep suppressing these feelings about Paul. I feel worthless and pathetic because I act like I'm totally fine around him when I'm actually not. I want to be with Paul. Then when I want Paul, I feel selfish because Jane loves him and Paul loves her. Stupid feelings. I lie on my side and clutch my pillow. I just want this night to end already and let the new year "1965", emerge into my life. However, I feel emotionally vulnerable. I want to call him.

I get up and pace the room for about fifteen minutes, debating whether if I should call him or not. I walk to my night stand and stare at the phone. I hesitantly reach for the phone. "I'll just ask about his day. At ten thirty at night, Hazel? Ugh!" I argue with myself. I put down the phone and run to the bathroom mirror. I look at myself in the mirror and slap myself to reassure myself of what I should do. I splash my face with water and run to the phone. I quickly dial his number and lean against the night stand. I wait for a few seconds.

"Hello?" Paul answered. He sounded very cranky. Hang up, Hazel! Hang up! I thought to myself.

"H-H-Hi." I said. I had a difficult time speaking once I heard his voice.

"Who the bloody hell is calling me at ten thirty at night? I swear if this is one of those fan girls who follow me back home, I'll..."

"It's Hazel." I interrupted him. I started biting my nail and twirling my finger around the phone line.

"Oh, Hazel. I'm really sorry I thought..."

"Its fine."

"Is something wrong? Are you alright?"

"Yeah, I'm fine. I was just wondering... Do you want to maybe come over tonight? Unless you have New Years Eve plans with Jane, that's totally cool." I tried to say casually.

"Oh, well..."

"I'm sorry. I knew it was bad idea calling you this late! I'm sorry, never mind. Bye." I nervously said. I was about to hang up.

"Woah! Wait, Hazel." Paul laughed.

"Yes?" I softly said as I put the phone against my ear.

"I'll come over." Paul said.

"Really?"

"Yeah."

"Okay, I'll see you in a few."

"Okay." Paul said as he hung up. I slowly put the phone down and smiled to myself. I went to mirror and tried to primp myself.

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11:30 PM

I was impatiently waiting for Paul in the living room. I was sitting right in front of the door, staring at it. He is not going to come, Hazel. Stop getting your hopes up. Suddenly, there was a gentle knock on the door. I instantly got up and opened the door. Paul's hand was still up from knocking and his eyes fixated on me. We were both in our pajamas. We stood there in silence for a few seconds waiting for someone to say something.