The Fake Smile Of A Man

The Past

You never see true love till you have lost it and some times it can be completely your fault that you did, that is o so true in this story but the thing its all my fault but I don't know weather I would ever change a thing.
well I should start from the beginning really, I was a tubby boy, bullyed blah blah blah. that's the boaring stuff. I got over all that, its love that really intreges the mind and my love life was least to say pitiful.
my first kiss with a girl was In junior school Faye A was her name long blonde hair pretty face all the boys in the school were after her, beautiful girl and still is now.
me and Faye had flutters in and out, her friend she hung around with was the nicist girls ya ever could meet, but unfortunately one you wouldn't notice even if she was in your path. she was slim, long brown hair, big thick glasses one you know that will grow up to be a good egg but no one cares. Kelly s was her name an It seemed like she always had Faye's back.
needless to say me and faye didn't go on to long but did catch up with Faye back in senior school one of the first girls that boys notice not just because of her looks, she grew in to a real lady then so I never had no chance. but all in all this was never my true love and never was going to be.
the night I lost my virginaty now some people would say I did not but technically it did go in the right hole, some people would say I couldn't count that as losing it, but I feel she is and probably was the right person for me to lose it to, just wish I was not such a dick after It. Dominic s was her name, my mums friends girl she was the same age as I was, a month in it. she may not have been a looker but had a heart of gold and really fun to be around and this night we ended up playing dares, we did this a lot at end up taking it to far. we knew we liked each other, well I hoped we both did and at the moment I lost it, I really lost it. you know all them sex Ed classes you have in school, well I fear mine were much more fearful of getting her preggo. I was that scared I pushed her off and didn't play dares again and for the whole month hoping she would come around so I could check and know she did have signs of pregnancy. I should point out at this point we was only 13, well I felt I got lucky as stupid as I was. we grew apart and no this is not true love but we did get along and still friends till this day.
when I just turned 14 I was made to do work experience. yes I say made, would rather of been at home. well I knew dom had a job at this butchers and was hoping to see her more so I went there for my work experience, didn't work quite to plan never saw her much. did end up getting a job, this job had as many hour as I could get and as soon as I was 16 they let me run one, loved it being my own boss. well this butchers was in side Kwik save thos day kwiksave was a very well known supermarket and we were right up the front next to the check out. now everyone knows ya go to a check out there going to be a few gd lookers there and kwiksave was no different. I got chatting and chatting and finally got the balls up to ask a girl out, at this point we were both 17, yes I know I have missed a whole chunk out of my life and that's simply because my life was boaring up til then. now this girl was as sweet as anything never heard her swear, always said please and thank you around me but! I say but because every single person in that store told me "don't do it! just don't". now I can't see a single thing wrong so I ask her out she smile we chatted, sort out a time and place.
the date comes along and o my God it was like that switch that turned her in to an angel disappeared at this point I had never heard such fual language, I got this far so unfortunately I couldn't turn back. now we got the bus to her dads tattoo parlay were all they talked about is beating some one up, thinking they sounded hard, finally got in to town and some people walk by then she pipes up and say I beat them up a while ago," she's a right skank". like that would impress me, we decided to go bowling walking up, she saying near on the same thing about someone else. then we had our game can't really say much about that at this point my ears were closed couldn't take any more shit. of course, me trying to be a gentleman I walk her home but then she wants me to come in her place and her parents were exactly what u would expect it to be ( ash trays everywhere her parents slobed over the sofa massive TV and dishes piled sky high) and me trying to exscape from her with out being to rude. but at this point she broke down in tears didn't no exactly what for just ended up telling me to leave, I felt guilty for leaving, but so glad it was over.
You may feel it ends here but it don't because I don't here from her for a week then she's back at the check out so I try and question her make sure were OK just as friends asking what wrong. big mistake this girls mentally disturbed she flings off the handle and starts having a mare fuck knows what about but she told me her dad was going to have me. obviously that was no true love she disappeared a week later I dated a few others nothing serious until I went back to the first store I worked at.
every one called her big bird and yes was big but a heart of an angel unfortunately I didn't allow my self to see over the size and see her true heart. we started chatting and talking a lot went out got a drink then she had work only for a couple of hours so I waited around for her. When she got out, we made out in the park, don't seem much does it. well this is were I was the dick went home got a text, thought it though in my mind wondering how everyone else would react to her ( big bird) so I acted like I never received the text. this is the point my life could of been a whole different story I could of call her ture love and may not of even known my true love now, but its me and being me I act as a dick a lot, 3 weeks past I see her in the street and we start talking I tell her I never got no text, we start laughing then go to the pub and played a game of pool, walk her to the house gave her a hug and said bye, we ended up going out to the pub every week for two years jumping around how we felt for each other until one day she told me she was with a guy and she was pregnant. I got a bit jealous wishing all the chances I had I should of took, but we pass each other occasionally say hi and talk.
From big bird leads me to bull dog, bull dog by name bull dog by nature, saw her on MySpace now for thos of you that weren't around before face book myspace was the first mass social site people were on in UK she looked small a bit chubby but cute, got to meet up got talking and eventually she was my real first time as some people would call it because i blown my load inside a women in the whole 5 seconds of making love after this she wouldn't satisfy me again but wanted me to use my fingers to satisfy her, o yer at this point I only just got my driving liecence and my car, a little fiat punto 2 door, black loved it. so this was the main reason I pulled her, I taxied her around everywhere seeing her flirt with other men all the time but when you don't get it much you do near on anything to get it, but it doesn't always live up to the hype. we agreed to go different way but she still wanting them lefts and using me all she could. so I started pulling away and ended it completely. so needless to say no love loss there.