My Brother's Enemy

Chapter 17

My Brother's Enemy

Chapter 17:

-Niall's POV-

I pulled on the black blazer over my white shirt. It was her funeral day. Her mum and her older sister would be there too. I had my speech. Harry decided it wouldn't be too big, just the way she would've wanted it. I felt so empty without her. She was like a filling in a burger; but someone's ate it and there's nothing left apart from remnants which would soon be gone too. The remnants are like the memories. Memories of which would be forgotten. I want to not believe it but I can't because I know that one day, I'll forget every little memory I had with her. I'll forget that I had that secret sex night. I'll forget the time we went to the homeless. I'll forget the time I got jealous. There would be nothing left; and I know that people will start saying, "Oh, she would've wanted you to move on!" But I don't think she would've. And even if she did, I wouldn't believe it. Just for the sheer reason that I can't let go. I can't let go of her because I want to believe that she's here, with me now, wanting to hold my hand. And I'm trying. I'm trying to believe it. I'm trying to convince myself that she's here but she's not. In fact, she never was. Maybe she was just imaginary. I just wish this was a dream- no, a nightmare that I'd soon wake up on.

Taking one last look in the mirror, I pushed my quiff up before putting my phone and wallet in my pocket. Just like I would've done if I was going to go somewhere with her. I gracefully picked up the single flower on the bed and put it underneath my nose, smelling it. I was at Harry's. he had let me stay here because we had both lost her and we needed comfort. Maybe she done this to us to help us get closer again.

I looked at my feet as I travelled down the stairs. Her fruity scent was still here. My hand grazed over the pictures of here. I had no tears. What was the point if shedding tears for someone who wasn't there anymore? That's the thing. There wasn't any point. So, I just stood there, staring at the pictures of her. When I got to the bottom of the stairs, there was a picture I had never seen here before. It was of me and her. I didn't recognise where we were but it was a beautiful picture. Her eyes were glowing and she looked generally happy. Like she did with Harry. I felt a small smile creep onto my face but it soon vanished when I remembered she wasn't there to see it with me. She could see it from heaven or if she was a ghost but I couldn't know she was there. Next to me. Looking at the picture and smiling.

Harry was also ready. He too held a rose in his hand. He probably had the same thought as me. To give it to her. On her grave. He gave me a small and weak smile before walking through the front door. Sighing, I followed him. We were going in his car. I got into the passenger side and buckled myself in.

"Ready?" He asked. I nodded, not speaking. But my nod was a lie. I wasn't ready to see her coffin and know that she was in there because I didn't want her to be in there.

He started the car and I fiddled with the rose in my hands. She loved roses...and she hated white tulips. She didn't know why, she just did. That's what I loved about her. She either loved or hated something but she could never know why. I thought it was adorable.

I rolled down my window and gazed at everything passing by; but, I wasn't really focusing on anything in particular. It was hard to. Not because of the moving car, but, because of the fact that she was the only one in my mind; and it annoyed me. So much. The fact that I couldn't forget about her but I know that one day she's the only thing I won't remember. And it scares me.

Quietly, I sung lyrics that came into my mind with a random tune.

"Maybe it's the way she walked,

Straight into my heart and stole it

Through the doors and past the guards,

Just like she already owned it..." I looked at Harry because I didn't know what to sing next and I knew he was listening.