Adventures

Playlist

ALDEN

It's been days since I last heard from her. There were no replies to my text messages, no answers to my calls, and I couldn't help but worry. May ginawa ba ako? May sinabi ba ako nung huling date namin, at hindi niya na ako pinapansin?

I decided to drive around Sta. Rosa in hopes that I could fully clear my mind from the dilemma I was facing. I missed her.. I missed her so much, and it killed me not to know how she was, what she was doing, who she was with. I mean, I'd gotten so used to hearing from her every single day. 

Then one day, I woke up from my deep sleep after almost a whole day spent shooting, and there wasn't any text message. There wasn't any missed call alerts. And that's when I knew that something was wrong. 

I had texted Tito Teddy and Tita Mary Ann a few days back, asking how she was, and they would say that she hasn't come home to Bulacan in a week, but that they knew she was fine because she called them every night. 'Yun din ang sinabi nila Kuya Nico, Ate Nicolette at Coleen. 

My last resort would be Dean, who I knew was always with her, but he, too, wasn't responding to my messages or answering my calls. 

"Den, pabayaan mo nalang muna si Meng." I remember Ate Nicolette telling me when we conversed on the phone. "Medyo lokarit din kasi 'yun eh. Basta ang importante, alam mong wala ka namang ginawang kasalanan sa kanya."

I nodded gently, as I remembered that part of our conversation. 

After a few minutes of driving around, I decided to park my car on the side of the road. I just sat there, fully leaning in my car seat and sighed. I looked at my phone, and still.. there was nothing. 

"Ano bang ginawa ko?" I asked, staring at my phone's lockscreen; a beautiful picture of her during one of our date nights. "Di ba masarap yung niluto kong menudo kaya ayaw mo na kong kausapin? Di ba mabango hininga ko nung nag-kiss tayo kaya lumalayo ka na sa 'kin? Uy.. sumagot ka."

Para na akong baliw sa kakaisip ng dahilan kung bakit iniiwasan ako ni Maine. Ano ba.. Ano ba talaga ang problema. Ayaw niya na ba sa 'kin?  Did she just wake up one day and realize that I wasn't the one for her?

I turned on my car radio, in hopes that music could give me some comfort, but I was shocked to hear that familiar voice I had longed for. 

"Hi, Richard. O, gulat ka no? Di ka nag-expect na maririnig mo ang boses ko dito sa sasakyan mo, kahit di tayong magkasama." She said. "First time ko ngang gawin to, kaya medyo nahihiya ako, pero dahil mahal kita, sige.. gagawin ko." 

A very deep sigh followed. 

"Minsan tinatanong ko ang sarili ko.. ano bang kabutihan ang ginawa ko sa buhay ko para ma-in love ang isa lalaking katulad mo, sa akin? Sa isang Nicomaine Dei Capili Mendoza." She said. "Oo, we've been in a relationship for quite some time now, but I don't think it has sunk in just yet. The idea of you and I still seems a bit surreal to me, and I find myself asking the Lord if this is all just a dream, because if it is, gusto ko nang magising sa katotohanan na biro lang ang lahat ng ito... na biro lang na mahal mo 'ko.. para hindi na ako masaktan pa. But this is real.. this all real.. and I am overjoyed.. so glad that I have you in my life." 

I was still trying to understand why Maine had suddenly left this message in my car. My forehead continued to crease in confusion.

"I am a pessimist, Richard. I have a very cynical view of the world. Kahit alam kong totoo ang lahat ng ito, ang pagmamahalan natin, there will always be days where I will be full of doubt, doubt that may have sprung out of the very fact that my past relationship had left me with more than just trust issues, but a heart that can not fully surrender itself to someone just yet because of the pain I continue to hold on to. In those days filled with doubt and pessimism, I may not want to see you or talk to you, but I hope that in these days, you will be patient of me as I continue to fix the mess that I am."

"Kahit medyo lokarit ako, parati mong tatandaan na mahal na mahal kita at itong pinagdadaanan ko, malalampasan ko rin, basta't nandiyan ka. But in the mean time, I prepared you this little playlist of songs that will speak on my behalf because I want you to know that even in the darkest of days, it's still you that I think about. Mahal kita, Tisoy. Sobrang sobra."

As the first song started playing, which was Avril Lavigne's "Things I'll Never Say", I didn't really know what to feel. I never really knew that Maine was carrying this much baggage and I couldn't help but be hurt at the thought that she's carried so much on her own, and here I was thinking that everything was okay.

But as she said, during these days, I must continue to be patient.. I must continue to be patient because I promised her.. I promised her that at the end of the each day, there will be a Richard Faulkerson Jr. waiting for her, and I do not ever plan on breaking that promise.

Pressing the home button on my phone and seeing her beautiful face on the screen, I said to myself.

"Even in the darkest of days, Maine. Even in the darkest of days, you have me. You will always have me."