Youtube One-Shots

Gone

Trigger Warnings: Major character death, suicide, sadness, existential crisis talk, suicide attempts/panic attack things  (DO NOT READ IF YOU ARE TRIGGERED)

Genre: Angst

Summary: Phil is in a car accident, Dan doesn't cope well at all.

Word Count: 2388

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Third Person POV:

Dan doesn't cope well with disaster.

He never has, he probably never will. But, the worst possible thing that could happen to him does; his best friend is in a life or death situation.

At first, he was simply in shock. Then, the shock turned into doubt. What if Phil was disabled for the rest of his life? What if he died?

It was too much for Dan. Way, way too much. And then, even more disaster strikes down and Dan really feels hopeless now.

Phil is most likely going to die.

He will most likely die and then Dan will be alone again and have no one, just like the first eighteen years of his life. He simply couldn't handle it.

And then, Phil is gone.

The doctors say it was something about internal bleeding. Dan doesn't really give a shit about how he died, he just knows that Phil is dead. He's completely, utterly, irrationally dead.

And Dan was nothing again.

His fans eventually heard about it. They had hashtags and posts spreading all across social media. Dan didn't participate.

You see, he's been thinking about Phil a lot after his death. He's known that he was in love with Phil from the start, he was just too afraid to say anything about it. And now Phil is dead, so he never got the chance to tell him that he loved him.

It's quite sad. Tragic, really, like one of those pathetic movie love stories. But those are movies. They aren't supposed to happen in real life. But Phil is dead, so it did.

Dan knows everyone is worried about him. He would be too, because he looked even more dead than he felt inside, so of course people would worry. His best friend just died. He knows that they are afraid for him, and to be honest, he's okay with it, because he wants people to feel the pain he is feeling. He is angry at the world, at God, at everyone and everything living.

And now, he's numb.

He's not even thinking, let alone feeling. He just wants the numbness to cease. He misses Phil. That is the only thing he feels. And the worst thing of all is how he's coping. He had broken so many promises to people in his life, including Phil.

First, he started hurting himself again. He knew it was bound to happen again, but he didn't know how capable he was. He had no idea that he could go as deep was he was, and it was scary, but Dan just missed Phil, so he wasn't careful.

Next, he started burning his skin. It was a new feeling, but it too helped take away the numb feeling he was obtaining. It blistered and it made him cry out it pain, but it was another way to cope.

That was all for now. He was doing this everyday, which was okay to him. He needed to know he was real, and this was the only way.

Next, he started really hurting himself. He didn't regret it. It was bad how he didn't regret it. He tried to kill himself. He hated how Phil was gone, he couldn't cope without him. He was like a drug, and Dan was addicted.

He just wanted Phil back.

He realizes he's really losing it now. He's probably going insane. He wishes he could be courageous and do the things people in movies do. But he wasn't brave enough to do that, and he didn't care to. He knows that to be happy, he must be with Phil again.