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li

☆sunday☆

phil🦁
Idek what time it was

phil🦁
I was up late talking to you

phil🦁
When you went to sleep, I texted Loren

phil🦁
She said she needed to go get her 'beauty sleep' so she left me alone

phil🦁
I thought it would be a good idea

phil🦁
I thought maybe he had changed

phil🦁
Maybe he would want me back

phil🦁
Of course he didn't

phil🦁
I was hurt

phil🦁
I was broken

phil🦁
I needed to feel something

(trigger warning: cutting, suicide and alcohol abuse mentions)

phil🦁
Just cutting wasn't enough

phil🦁
My arms and legs had become stronger after the trauma with Tom before

phil🦁
I tried, trust me

phil🦁
There wasn't even a lot of blood

phil🦁
Let alone pain

phil🦁
I grabbed my jumper and headed out of the door with my wallet

phil🦁
I left my phone because I wanted to leave behind Tom

phil🦁
I also wanted you to know that it wasn't your fault if I did go missing forever

phil🦁
I found my way to a pub where I drank a couple beers

phil🦁
More than a couple

phil🦁
I still didn't feel anything

phil🦁
I faintly remember stumbling outside into the cold air and seeing the lonesome car on the road

phil🦁
In my mind, it was my gateway out of this place

phil🦁
I ran for it

phil🦁
I heard a scream

phil🦁
It wasn't a girly scream, it was the sound of a tall man in his twenties screaming

phil🦁
It was me, Dan, it was me

phil🦁
I was the one who screamed

phil🦁
It was a horrifying scream of anger and sadness and terror and frustration

phil🦁
Then my eyes closed

phil🦁
Not for the last time, unfortunately

(trigger warning over)

phil🦁
I woke up with a throbbing headache and a stabbing pain just above my eyes

phil🦁
I was sitting by the side of the road sitting next to a dirty looking old man who was sleeping

phil🦁
I tried to stand up, for your sake

phil🦁
Then I blacked out again

phil🦁
Days, hours or maybe just minutes later, I came to again

phil🦁
This time, when I touched where the pain was coming from on my head and brought my hand back down, there was blood

phil🦁
This time I blacked out purely of horror and panic

phil🦁
The very next thing I remember is being at the hospital with you

phil🦁
And now I'm just a boy with the scar on his head that's been through too much shit to count

read by dan🌙 at 13:08

IM SORRY