The Little Mistakes (boyxboy)

Chapter 35

Rikert stuck true to his word as the next week approached. Right after soccer practice on Tuesday afternoon, he drove with me back to my house so we could hang out there for a while and have dinner.

It had been almost five when we had gotten to my place. Normally, I would have wanted to go down to my bedroom and just lay in bed with Rikert for hours. Or make out with him or something. But by Tuesday it was like everything was starting to build up and really get to me. I hadn’t been able to get my mind off of the things my aunt Vanessa had said to me the previous week.

Rikert and I had a relationship that was far from normal. Deep down I knew that it wasn’t right. Boyfriends weren’t supposed to hit you. And you sure as hell weren’t supposed to let them. So I couldn’t stop thinking about what that said about me, because I didn’t try to stop him. I only kept trying to alter my behaviour or change myself to make things better for him. I was beyond the point of worrying about myself. I wasn’t selfish anymore. I would put my boyfriend before myself.

So in my muddled state I’d had no problem staying upstairs where we were in full view of my family. We had a short, ten-minute conversation about general current events in our lives with my uncle Kristian while he had been getting things ready to cook dinner. After that, Patrick had come in and took over the conversation with Rikert. Then we had continued talking as we followed my cousin into the upstairs living room where we would watch television for the next hour or so.

My uncle Marck had gotten home from work around half-past six. By then I was almost asleep in Rikert’s arms on the couch, with Patrick sitting in a recliner next to us. I remember Rikert gently shaking me awake and squeezing my wrist before the boys told me we were going to be eating dinner soon.

Also true to my own word, I had my uncle Kristian get steaks so that Rikert would be pleased. And seeing the smile on his face, caused by me, because I made sure to get something he loved, had my heart wrenching with the overwhelming feeling of love I had for him and the consequent fear that arose from such an emotion.

The night held a bit of reflection for me. I had spent a lot of the time watching Rikert and seeing how he acted around people. He was so well put together. Everything from the way he talked, to how he carried himself, and to the things he said, screamed that he was the perfect boy. Not a single thing he did during the night would have been able to give away the ugly secret that only I really knew; that he had a temper that led him to hitting me.

The way Rikert acted around other people was scarily different. And a little bit unnerving. Because nights like this made me realize that the two sides of him were a complete opposite from one another. With me, he had all of the control and he wasn’t afraid to use it to his advantage. In public and around my family especially, he was still confident; he just abided by their rules and standards. I found myself wishing over and over again that he could be that way all the time. I wanted his love and affections, not his darkness and anger. I didn’t want to be scared anymore, but I didn’t know anything other than that.

As far as anyone other than me was concerned, dinner went well. Patrick wasn’t as weird around Rikert as he had been the first night he found out we were dating, and nothing too controversial came up in the conversations. Overall, I would say the evening was a success because Rikert never got too upset with me and we could just be together and everything was easy again like it had been in the beginning of our relationship.

I had walked Rikert to the front door and given him a long, blissful kiss at the end of the night. It literally felt like the icing on top of the cake. The only problem was that it felt like it wasn’t going to last.

The nice thing was that it did last for a while. The rest of the week and the entire next week went by smoothly. Well, smoothly enough. I tried to keep to myself, and I was really quiet, but now that Rikert and I were out I spent a lot of my time in school with him. Now not only was I watching his soccer practices every day after school, but I sat with him and his friends at lunch. I also ran with them and joined their teams in gym class.