Chapter 16: Self Hatred and Confusion

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Erica's POV

I woke up on a large leather sofa on with a large white fuzzy blanket wrapped around my body. As I looked down I didn't have on my Miami heat uniform, I had on a large shirt that fell to my mid thigh. I barely wanted to remember what happened last night. The fight I had with Joseph was unbelievably horrible. I couldn't help but feel bad even though it wasn't my fault, but I let it happen. I let him kiss me and I didn't try to stop him. It was partly my fault as well. How could I do this to him? I sat up running my fingers through my hair trying to make it presentable. As I stood up I felt dizzy from all the crying I did. Ignoring how dizzy I felt I stood up folding up the cover, throwing it on the couch. I pulled my shirt down right over my ass as I stood up and walked into the kitchen. After washing my hands I decided to start on breakfast, to thank Savanna for letting me spend the night. I grabbed my phone and my headphones as I turned on Blow by Beyoncé. I turned the volume all the way up and I put my phone in my bra as I started humming the music. I walked to the refrigerator bending down getting eggs, milk, sausage and bacon. I got all of the ingredients to make pancakes. I opened the cabinet sighing once I realized how high the mixing bowls were. I reached on my tippy toes grunting as I tried harder to get it. It sucks being 5'1. I pushed myself up standing on the counter finally reaching to get the bowl.

"Erica what are you doing?!" I heard someone yelling. I jumped looking down, looking into Joseph's beautiful green eyes. Taking my headphones out I sat down on the counter putting the bowl down on the counter next to me.

"I was umm trying to get the bowls down." I said stuttering a little looking down.

"Wh-what are you doing here?" I said looking up at him.

"I spent the night in the guest house I didn't know you were here I would have never came last night."

"Umm Joseph about last night-"

"Save it." He said putting his hand up to cut me off.

"Please just let me explain." I said moving his hand from out of my face.

"There is nothing for you to say, I saw what I saw."

"It isn't what it looked like."

"Then what was it Erica? Are you seriously going to say that you didn't kiss him back?" He said as he started to raise his voice.

"I did, I didn't mean to I swear I didn't. I was thinking about you the whole time, then I realized what was actually going on and it wasn't you kissing me and I stopped. I pushed him away."

"When are you going to stop fucking lying to me Erica."

"Im not-"

"Just stop okay."

"Will you stop cutting me off Joseph! Fucking listen to me!" I said raising my voice as I jumped off the counter stepping closer to him. He turned away from me as he tried to walk out of the kitchen. I grabbed his arm pulling him back.

"Please just listen stop cutting me off and stop trying to not listen to me."

"Erica don't touch me, cant you just let me go, you kissed him I don't want to hear the gory details."

"I stopped it Jospeh nothing happened. Why do you keep walking away from me? I am trying to fix this, do you not love me anymore do not care about this relationship at all?"

"Don't you dare say that I don't love you. I wouldn't still be standing here if I didn't. I walk away because it is hard for me to look at you without seeing you against that mirror all over again. It is hard for me to see the woman I fell in love with."

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