Cold. (A Harry Styles Fanfic)

Chapter Five- Instincts

  HARRY'S POV

        Gracie: she was the one that I was supposed to meet, right? No, there was absolutely no doubt about it. If you can believe it; I could actually feel like she was the one. I watched her play with her blonde hair and turned to give me a small shaky smile. Silly girl probably thought I was attracted to her. I stared at the road and tried not to glance back at her. But, attraction, that was not the case. But human girls always took the wrong idea. The wrong idea about everything. But, it wasn't her fault, yet it irritated the hell out of me to have her think my actions were anything more than I was intending. 

        No, we were not soul mates or anything stupid and silly of that nature. We were not lovers; we are not anything like that at all. But I didn't have to read minds to know the endless possibilities running like mad throughout her head to know that's what she was thinking. I bitterly smiled and glanced up at the stars and then back onto the road.

        Love: that was something I simply cannot afford right now. That word, that feeling, left me with nothing but hell. Quite literally. No, I had no time to waste on this so called love; especially on this girl. This silly human girl who seems different, but she's just like the rest of them. Letting her fantasies and dreams consume her as if she has nothing else to live for. Nothing else to worry about. As if there was nothing more important than silly dreams and fantasies. I snorted at the thought and she glanced at me for a quick moment.

        "W-What's so funny?" She tucked a strand of blonde hair behind her ear and peered up at me; an action I would've thought to be cute and appealing in my older days.

        "Nothing, just something I was thinking about," I mutter and turn away from her. No doubt she was somewhat attractive. I don't deny these things. It's not like I'm still not a man. I know what's right in front of me. But she wasn't... her. 

        I shook my head violently. Thinking about this now was going to distract me. I couldn't let anything at the moment distract me from my duty. From what I was supposed to do. I almost gasped in horror when I felt the familiar darkness descend on me for that moment. I turned panicked to Gracie and her sleeping companions in the back. Gracie was resting her head on the window her eyes closed. I turned back to the road and tried to focus. I thought I was used to pushing this down by now. If I don't stop it soon I'm probably going to crash; which wouldn't be a physical problem for me. But for the girls...

        Not right now. I ordered darkly to myself hoping it would go away. After a few moments it crept away leaving me with a sigh of relief that was maybe a little too loud. Gracie said nothing so she was probably asleep. Thank heaven, that girl was too darn perceptive when she was awake. I grit my teeth and continued on. I was so fucking screwed. Being around her awakes what I've been trying to keep down to get this mission done. Which is a very bad thing because I have to be around her. I leaned back in the seat with one hand on the wheel pinching my nose with the other. 

        Why did this have to be so damn difficult? Is getting into heaven really worth this much? Yes, yes it is. I sighed again. I see police cars and ambulances pass by in a hurry; I waited but I felt no guilt, which pissed me off. I should be feeling guilty. With Gracie around me now, shouldn't I be feeling more...I don't know, holy? They were soon going to find something out that was going to terrify them and I almost felt bad. Alright, almost feeling bad is a start I guess. I turned on the radio but not too loud so I didn't disturb the girls' slumber. 

        A soft news reporter's voice came on. "A horrible tragedy in England today; police received a report from a local farmer who found the body of a man in his barn after returning from a farmer's convention in America.  Police say that the body of the man is so distorted that only the rips of clothing around the barn suggested it being a male. His chest is reported to be ripped open, and only his eyes seem in tact being literally white in color. A similar case was in America about a week ago in Tampa, Florida. Are we dealing with a possible rising serial killing, or maybe a cult?" 

        I turned off the radio waiting for the clashing remorse to come. When it didn't I almost felt like screaming my damn head off. I ran a hand through my brown hair and gripped my steering wheel tightly with both hands. I stared at the road almost in trance as the familiar feeling of numbness and almost...smugness set in. I cursed underneath my breath. Fuck, I'm so screwed....

        Forgive me Father, for I have sinned. I repeated over and over bitterly, but the feeling of forgiveness never came.