Catharsis

diary

I sat alone at the front seat, trapped between loud sobs and fake condolences offered by those people called your friends. I didn't cry. My tears already dried out.

Your parents stood beside your white coffin with swollen eyes. They dressed your body with formal suit and put a rose and baby's breathe buttonniere on your left chest, and I almost could imagine you walked to the hall for prom night party in that suit, with a familiar wide grin that would never appear again. And the only thing I could think of was how cruel fate was, to let you looked the best when in fact you died at your worst.

Your mother visited me for the second and last time, two days after the funeral. She handed me a worn out notebook, an old one with white stained cover and your childish hand-written warning: this is property of Park Chanyeol do not open if you do not want to get bitten. She said it was yours and I might want to save it.

She disappeared off the street and later I found myself sitting on my bed alone, opening the first page of the book.

April 10th, 2006
First day of school. I was so worried >///< but the place seems good and the people here are friendly. Well kinda. And there's this tiny guy named Baekhyun. He's so nice and funny!! I sat next to him and we talked a lot about school. I really like him. I think we can be best friend!!!

I clearly remembered the blue sky, the cold wind, the wide smile that matched those round eyes and a pair of large ears. The warm "nice to meet you" and "hey let's be best friend!" that had been buried for too long under those bitter feelings of mine.

I flipped the page to the next entry.

April 22nd, 2006
Baekhyun came to my home today!!! I showed him my stars and he said he likes it. Well I like stars too!! keke Anyway, guess what? He lives near here!!! Isn't it cute 'u' we can play at weekend too!!!

Your messy handwriting became even more difficult to read because my vision was blurring. I skipped some pages and read from one to another randomly.

February 14th, 2007
I bought Baekhyun a chocolate but I ate it on the way to school is that bad hehe

May 6th, 2007
Happy birthday Baekbaek Byunbaek!!!!! Do you like my star-shaped pillow :3 I chose that after a long thought you should feel thankful huh kekeke love you ❤

May 21st, 2009
I feel lost without Baekhyun around...

October 30th, 2009
Why do people drink alcohol? It tastes awful. My head hurts. Oh, God...

November 3rd, 2012
Mom asked, "Why you didn't play around with Baekhyun anymore?"
I told her, "No reason."
She kept asking, "How is he? Is he doing well? Why he didn't come here?"
Hell. Aren't you the one who told me to find another friend?

January 2nd, 2013
Baekhyun, you're not the only one hurt here

June 7th, 2013
"Why can't you be like your friend Baekhyun?"
Well why don't you two just mind your own fucking bussiness

March 18th, 2014
Why did I become like this?

Under those all, there was a special entry written for me. The last one, right on the last page. And that one really broke and blown me away like nothing but shattered debris.