Secrets are my Sanity

Chapter 6

Tension is building inside steadily
(Everyone feels so far away from me)
Heavy thoughts forcing their way out of me. –From the inside.

Chapter 6

Nick sat there unable to muster up any energy to drive back to school; their class had already started and would be a lost cause anyway.

“You could try talking to him.” Julienne suggested after five minutes of silence.

“It wouldn’t matter, it’s not like this is just some crush and all would end well if he likes me back. I can’t be gay.” He had never said the words before, to classify himself as gay, it was strangely gratifying on top of the mind numbing fear.

“You can’t hide from it either.”

“I already get so much abuse from them because they only suspect it. What do you think will happen if I admit it?” It pained him to know his family couldn’t support him, they were against every decision he made.

“Leave there.” She suggested with desperation dripping along her voice.

“And go where? I don’t have anywhere else.” Sure he crashed at her place time to time but he couldn’t do that forever. He worked part-time on the campus library but that wasn’t enough to get his own place and still take his classes.

She sighed and banged her head back on the seat. “I’ll come up with something.” Her voice was full of promise and he loved her for it.

“You have to keep this to yourself. I don’t want anyone knowing.” He knew she wasn’t a blabbermouth but still wanted to make sure she wouldn’t say anything.

“You know I’ll do whatever you need.” She reached over and held his hand tight. “But you can’t keep going like this, you know from watching me that holding it in only leads to problems.” She ran away from her demons until one day they got the best of her and she slit her wrist.

“I just need some time to think.” He wasn’t sure if that was sure because right now he didn’t think he’d ever he’d be able to admit his truth. To come out of the shadows and into the real world.

Shane went through the rest of his classes and didn’t see Nick anywhere in the halls. He spotted Julienne but she was on her way home. He was sulking by the time he got home, he wanted to know that Nick was ok. Maybe he should’ve kept his mouth shut but at the same time he wanted to offer his friend, to let Nick know he was there for him if he’d need it.

“What should we have for dinner?” his mother asked form the living room as he shut the front door. “I’m thinking pizza.”

“If you don’t want to cook, don’t cook. You paid your dues along time ago.” he said with his best charming smile. He didn’t want his mom asking twenty questions again because he was in a bad mood. His bad mood had nothing to do with him or his family so it made no sense to inflict it on them.

“Cooking is overrated, how was your day?”

“Good, not as much homework, Michael home?”

“No, I think he’s stalking Julienne.”

“She’s still mad at him?” Shane asked with a laugh. His brother’s relationship was better then any sitcom on TV.

“I think they always find a way to be mad at each other. It works for them.” she shrugged. “Speaking of my sons and their love life….”

“Mom, no.”

“I know you are studying and being a good boy but you need to have fun too.”

“After the epic mistake I made with Scott I’m not ready to get back out there.” He confessed weakly, his mother was the only person to know the details of what went wrong.

“By hiding you’re letting him win, I understand that you’re not ready but it’s been a year. I don’t want you hiding and miss the chance at something wonderful.”

“Thanks mom, really.” Behind him there was a knock on the door he turned and answered to find Julienne on the other side. “Michael’s not home.”

“I’m not looking for him, I’m looking for you.” she was nervous with a crooked smile. “Let’s talk outside.”

“Ok.” Shane said slowly. He dropped his bag on the living room floor and followed her outside.

“Michael mentioned you were looking for your own place but you were saving up. Maybe you should get a roommate and find a place now.” she explained, looking at the floor then back at him and down all over again.

The way she was rambling reminded him of Nick. “Julianne.” He waited until she dragged her grey eyes off the grass and looked at him. “What is going on?”

“You need a place…..Nick needs a place.”

“You want Nick to be my roommate?” He kept watching her and saw the words she wasn’t using. He thought of the bruise on Nick’s back, how he never wanted to go home. If Julienne wanted him to leave home then she must be scared for his safety.  

“Well you guys are getting along and it’s time you leave home.” Her tone was awkward and endearing, she was nervous and uncomfortable but she was going through it for her friend.

“You’re right.” Shane said. “I love it here but sometimes especially with Michael, I want my own space.” It wasn’t a bad idea, it was a great idea and the only reason he wasn’t jumping with excitement was he didn’t know if living with Nick was something Nick would want and something he could handle. Shane knew he was developing a dangerous crush on him already.

“Yeah…so I was looking and found something close to school that you should check out.” Her words rushed together and bubbled out of her mouth.

That was fast; he thought, but understood her rush. “Do you want me to see it now?”

“Yes! We can go together in your car.” She didn’t drive; she knew how but was public with her dislike for it.

He couldn’t find the words to deny her or the need she had to help Nick because he was having that same need. “Sure, let’s go.”

AN: Thank you all for the votes, I hope you enjoyed this chapter enough to continue to vote and maybe comment :)