Secrets are my Sanity

Chapter 17

Wishing I had strength to stand
This is not what I had planned
It's out of my control
Flying at the speed of light
Thoughts were spinning in my head
So many things were left unsaid
It's hard to let you go –Waiting for the End

Chapter 17

Nick’s mind was spinning, he didn’t know what to think but how did you have coherent thoughts when someone was on top of you and kissing you like there was no tomorrow?  And not just someone, this was Shane Gregory, beautiful perfect Shane.

A small window opened and thoughts flew out when Shane grabbed Nick’s shirt and pulled it off. Nick held his hands out, keeping Shane from kissing him again. “I have to use the bathroom.” He pushed Shane off his lap and dashed out of the bed.

“Nope.” Shane grabbed his wrist before he could make it to the door, spun him around, and kissed him all over again.

The window shut and Nick was at his mercy again. He was thankful when he felt the wall at his back; he needed something to help him stay upright before his knees buckled. His shirt was gone and there was nothing in the way to stop Shane from touching him. Those large hands moved along his waist and chest with a feverish touch.

Nick knew this couldn’t be happening, they couldn’t keep doing this because soon they’d cross the line there was no turning back from, no denying. He lifted his hands but he couldn’t push Shane away, he just couldn’t. His hands gripped Shane’s shirt and started kissing him back.

“Holy shit.” Those words acted like a cold glass of water. Shane and Nick separated to find Michael standing at the door with the definition of shock across his face. “This explains a few things.”

Nick wanted the world to open and snatch him away from this moment. He felt his body start to heat from embarrassment and fear. Shane stepped back and gave him a silent look that said something like ‘don’t worry’ but it didn’t register, nothing was going to stop Nick from freaking out. He stood there numb as Shane let the room and took Michael with him.

A minute later he snapped out of and started getting dressed and gathering his school supplies. In record time he was ready and left his room, he pretended not to see Shane and Michael as he ran out the door.

Shane wanted to run and follow him but he knew Nick needed to be alone; he had pushed too much today anyway. He turned back to his brother. “Don’t mention what you saw to him. He doesn’t need your stupid jokes.”

“I’m not that much of a prick. I’ve never made fun of you or anyone for being gay.” Michael said defensively. He had made fun of a lot of people and had been a bully in high school but even with all that he had limits. Shockingly.

“Just don’t mention it at all.”

“Is he the guy you were telling me about? The one in denial? The one you might be in love with?” Michael was in a rare mode, there wasn’t a sign of his signature humor or blunt attitude. He was being a brother.

“That’s a lot of questions.” Shane chuckled weakly as he walked over to the couch and sat. He felt hopeless. No matter what he tried, how he got Nick to respond, he always ran away and regretted their time together. There was but so much rejection he could handle before his heart shattered.

“It’s a lot to wrap my head around, I never in a million years would’ve paired you two up or think Nick wasn’t as straight as I am. It makes sense though, he never liked Julienne that way and all these years he’s never dated.” Michael voiced as he thought it through.

The secret was out and Shane could use someone to talk to who was on his side. As wonderful as Julienne was she’d always look out for Nick first and keep his feelings hidden. “He won’t admit it and I don’t know what to do anymore. He keeps telling me the kiss was a mistake and what you walked in on was me trying to prove him wrong.”

“Maybe it worked, that was pretty heated.” He said with a cringe, no one wanted to walk in on their sibling making out with someone. Boy or girl.

“No he’ll try and tell me again it was a mistake.”

“You know what you have to do; use the same advice you gave me with Julienne. Show Nick it’s serious and you aren’t backing down, do something to show him how you feel but don’t keep jumping him. Things aren’t clear when hormones are in the air.”

Shane stared at his brother and couldn’t believe he was actually helping him with this. Somewhere along the lines Michael had matured and actually had good advice to share.

Nick couldn’t tolerate going to school; he couldn’t put on a mask and pretend the day was just like any other when it wasn’t. Today would forever be inside his head, the today his life changed. The day he realized he was falling in love, a love he could never have.

He drove with nowhere in mind, he drove to clear his mind and hopefully if he drove far enough he’d find the answers.