Secrets are my Sanity

Chapter 19

Let me apologize to begin with

Let me apologize for what I'm about to say

But trying to be someone else was harder than it seemed

And somehow I got caught up in between

Between my pride and my promise

Between my lies and how the truth gets in the way

And things I want to say to you get lost before they come –In Between.

Chapter 19

Nick was parked at a bluff near the docks. He sat watching the waves crash into the sand in hopes the movement would prevent him from thinking about everything he was trying to forget.

It was chilly out and because of that no one got on their boats or visited the beach land to have fun. It was empty now and perfect for the mood Nick was in. He wanted to be alone and out here he was. For now. Shane was on his way so they could talk. The thought of seeing him after what happened this morning had Nick’s stomach in a knot.

It was like physical torture to have that person you wanted so close only to have to deny them and your own feelings. He kept trying to convince himself it was better this way but there was a huge lump of doubt, his own heart, telling him he was wrong.

His heart raced as he heard the sound of a car coming closer; out the rearview mirror he saw it was indeed Shane.

“Be strong.” Nick murmured to himself over and over before Shane got into the passenger seat.

Shane pulled open the unlocked door and climbed inside. He appeared to be nervous about this meeting too as he glanced everywhere but at Nick’s direction. “Are you ok?” he asked first.

Nick was having the opposite problem, he couldn’t tear his eyes away from Shane’s face. “Yeah. What did you tell Michael?” he hated to admit it but he was terrified over what Michael would do or say with the information he found out that morning.

“I told him the truth about how I feel about you. Michael would never hold something like this against you. He was offended when I told him to leave you alone just in case. He actually has been helping me with trying to get through to you.”

Nick couldn’t believe that one, it seemed even after all these years there were still layers to Michael Gregory to be unshed. “Yeah?”

“Yeah. I don’t go liking a guy everyday just for the sake of doing it. I’m pretty guarded with my heart and my brother knew off the bat how serious this was for me.”

Nick felt like scum as he listened to Shane pour his heart out, to hear without a doubt how much he cared for someone like him. “Why?” this time he couldn’t go ignoring his thoughts. “I’m a world class mess, why do you feel anything for me?”

Shane managed to bring his focus to Nick’s face. “You’re amazing. You could make anyone fall in love with you just with a smile. I was content focusing on school and hanging out with my family but then you came along and I realized I missed having a friend. I was content with that too, just being your friend. I thought you were cute the first time I laid eyes on you when we were all getting ready for Michael and Julienne’s graduation.” 

Nick remembered that day, it had been the first time he laid eyes on Shane and he had been shocked speechless. He knew Michael’s brother would have to be good looking but he hadn’t been ready for the beauty that looked back at him that day. He remembered Julienne tightening her grip around his waist because she thought he was worried Shane might try to tease him or something. His best friend never knew the frantic hurricane of nerves and excitement that coursed through him during that short time he met Shane for the first time.