I Can't Quit You (Frerard)

I Wish I Could Miss The First Time That We Kissed

(Frank's POV)

I laid there in my bunk, curled up in a ball, facing the wall. I just laid there and cried my eyes out, once again, over him. After I punched him and told him I hated him, Ray took me back to our bus, and he held me while I cried, not caring that I got his shirt wet with my tears. Then he helped me to my bunk, and gave me some privacy.

I cried into my pillow, on my blanket, everything. I just wanted my tears to fill up the bus, so I could drown. Cause drowning sounds better than accepting the fact that the person I love most in the world, married someone he doesn't really love. I cried until my chest was hurting, and until I just couldn't cry anymore.
As I lay there, I started thinking about all the good memories I had with him. And that's when I thought back to the first time him and I kissed.

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(Flashback)

We had just finished practice, finishing with Early Subsets Over Monroeville, in my basement. I couldn't stop looking over at Gerard, because he was just so beautiful...It was clear and almost obvious that I had a crush on him, and I think he's starting to notice. After we finished, Ray said he was gonna go upstairs and order a pizza, and asked us if we wanted to join them while we waited. Gerard nodded and said "Yeah, give us a couple minutes, I'm just gonna run some ideas by Frankie. We'll be up soon."

Ray nodded and headed up, following the rest of the guys, leaving me alone with Gerard. Gerard smiled and said "Good practice, huh?" I smiled and nodded. "Yeah, you did great!" He snorted and said "Yeah right... I probably sounded like a dying cat...You're the one who did great, I love how you put everything into playing, it's beautiful." I smiled and "Yeah well, not as beautiful as you-" I immediately realized what I said, and mentally facepalmed myself.

I could see his cheeks were turning a shade of pink, and it was so adorable. He asked "Wait, what?" I nervously bit my bottom lip, and said "I um....I um, well.....Shit, I....Aww fuck it." That's when I walked over to him, and he back up until he hit the wall. My greenish hazel eyes caught his, and the blush on his cheeks, deepened. Then I carefully reached out and traced his lips with my fingerless gloved thumb. I said "I said, you're beautiful, Gee...You keep denying that you are, and you put yourself down...You're very talented, and I think you're the most beautiful thing in the world.."

That's when I stopped tracing the lips I wanna kiss for months, gently grabbed his face in my hands, and leaned in. I went slowly, hoping not to spook him. Gerard can be jumpy at times. My heart was beating so fast, I thought it was gonna explode. My breathing was shaky, and so was his. I gently pressed my forehead against his, and was feeling my confidence growing, seeing that he didn't push me away. I was probably going too slow, because he said "Please, Frankie..." I opened my eyes to look in his, waiting to be shot down, when he said "Kiss me." And I did.

I kissed him. I finally fucking kissed him. It wasn't heated or sloppy, it was sweet, but passionate...Just like I dreamt it would be. He sighed against my lips and kissed me back, putting a little more pressure into it, and wrapped his arms around my neck. We stood there for what felt like an eternity, but we had to pull away at some point for air, and that our friends would be suspicious about our whereabouts, and we sadly broke away.

We were panting a little, but we weren't complaining. Then he hugged me and nuzzled his face in the crook of my neck. He sighed and said "That was better than I dreamt it would be." I smiled and hugged him back, before he said "We should go upstairs...C'mon." We broke the hug, but didn't leave before getting one last kiss in.

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(Flashback over, still Frank's POV)

After that kiss, I had hope that he was gonna be mine...I didn't wanna rush him or scare him away, so I waited. I would wait forever just to be with him.

But I'm not.

He's with her.

And now I wish I could forget that night...Maybe if I had known I'd be spending 9 years falling for him more every day, and 9 years of him hurting me, I would've never kissed him....

I shouldn't have.