Tears of Heaven - A Love Story

Tears -

Eight

On the following Monday I was completely well and returned to work. Only things were not the same now. I was not the same. I was beginning to feel like my old self again, even better than my old self. And it was mainly because of Sergei. Somehow, he'd found the part of me that had been lost.

Dusting a brass-framed picture on a wall in the library, I smiled as memories of the time we'd spent together washed over me.

Sergei had come to see me every day during the past week. As I gained my strength back, we began going out for short walks around Old Town. A couple of times we had lunch or dinner at one of the sidewalk restaurants and at night, we sat and talked until late.

On Sunday he picked me up and we attended church together. It felt both strange and wonderful to have him by my side in sacrament meeting and Sunday school, and I didn't feel so alone. Very fluent in Swedish, he introduced me to some of the members I hadn't met the previous week. He stayed close to me, keeping my hand possessively in his every moment. If it had have been anyone else, this action would've scared me, but not with Sergei. Nothing about him frightened me.

That evening we had an enjoyable dinner with my grandparents, and thankfully, they didn't ask any uncomfortable questions about us or make any insinuations. Then we went back to Sergei's house, had some Russian apple and walnut strudel he'd made the day before, and talked some more.

We ended the night watching a movie in the theater room. I had felt an indescribable comfort nestled in his arms. I felt safe and cared for. The latter had been needed more than I realized. At the movie's end, Sergei gently awakened me because I had fallen asleep, and took me home.

I couldn't believe how much I enjoyed just being with him. I loved the feel of my hand nestled in his large one. I loved the way he looked at me when I talked, giving me his full attention, the way he studied my expressions. I loved looking at him. Oh, how I loved that! Sometimes we just sat and silently stared at one another. During those times I felt more beautiful than I ever had in my life.

As I continued dusting the library, I contemplated our relationship. I could say we were good friends, but we were more than that. We hadn't really labeled what we were to one another because we couldn't at the moment, but I knew how Sergei felt without him saying the words. It was in his every gaze, his every action.

So far, we had only shared embraces and gentle caresses. He smelled so good and his arms were so warm and safe, I truly relished the embraces. I was beginning to crave them, and that made me feel  vulnerable at times. Still, Sergei never pushed his affections on me. He knew he needed to be patient with me, and he had been. In the short amount of time I had known him, I had grown to trust him more than I thought I could ever trust anyone. I wondered how he had become so important to me and how I had come to feel so close to him.

What happened to my adamant decision to stay away from men?

How had Sergei ingrained himself in my heart so? How had he been able to reach inside me, take my fears and throw them away?

Is it because he is so much older than me? I questioned silently. Is it the age difference that makes me feel so safe with him?

After pondering this for another moment, I decided it wasn't that. I concluded that the reason he made me feel this way was because of the kind of man he is. There are no pretenses about him, and his heart was completely open to me. So open that all I needed to do was say the word or give him a signal and he would move forward. But I didn't know if I was ready for that yet.

I was dusting the last bookshelf when Sergei entered. Just the sight of him made my heart skip a beat, and the warmth of his endearing smile, the feel of his longing gaze, seem to light up my whole world. He had no idea how much his mere presence affected me.

“Hi,” I said as he approached me.

“Hello.” He smiled and took my hand in his. “Do you need to be anywhere after you are done today?”

“Not really. Why?”

“Well, I thought it would be nice to have a picnic dinner out on the back lawn. Will you join me?”

I squeezed his hand and smiled. “I'd love to.”

He lifted my hand and kissed it. The feel of his soft lips again caused warmth to spread through me. He stood looking down at me a moment longer and I could see the emotion in his eyes.

Whether I was ready or not, something was about to change between us. Everything in me could sense it. His warm eyes held mine captive a moment longer before he left me to finish. I still felt his presence long after he had gone. I liked that