But, I Love Him - Minizerk Fanfiction

Chapter 11

Simon's P.O.V

We get back home from the cinema; I feel better but I also feel so bad for Josh. It's not his fault but I don't think he gets it. I need to talk to him.

"Josh? Can we talk please?" I say opening his bedroom door.

"Of course babe" he replies looking at me with his deep brown eyes. We sit on his bed and I get really nervous again.

"I just umm, I need to clear things up" I begin "What happened tonight wasn't your fault whatsoever. It's all me. It's hard to explain. I just, I always think people are staring at us and I get so nervous and scared all the time. Which I hate because I love being with you and I want to enjoy it but I can't. I'm sorry if I ever made you feel bad or upset. It's not your fault Josh" I say looking down at my hands.

"Simon, I love you okay? Nothing can ever change that. Especially not something like this. I understand, I really do. I kind of used to feel like that too. A few years ago. I'm going to suggest something but you don't have to do it okay? I think we should get you a therapist" I instantly look up at him, in shock almost.

"A therapist? Do you think I'm insane?!" I say getting a little bit upset.

"No! Simon trust me. It would help you in so many ways. They would help you get your level of confidence back up and then we can finally enjoy a day out together. Isn't that what you want?" Josh says.

"Yeah, okay I guess" I reply a little reluctantly.

"Shall we go tomorrow?" he suggests.

"Yeah" I say "Can I umm, can I sleep with you tonight?" I ask, blushing.

"Of course baby. Come on" Josh says while getting up and getting changed to get into bed. I see him in only his boxers and my eyes widen. He's so beautiful. I do the same and get into bed. He cuddles me, my head resting on his chest as he plays with my hair. I then eventually fall asleep in the arms of the person I love most. It's the best feeling.

Josh and I wake up at almost the exact same time. It was quite weird actually. I'm so nervous for today. We're going to the therapist and I can tell josh knows I'm scared. I see a concerning look in his eyes.

"Morning, babe" Josh says.

"Good morning" I reply.

"When you were asleep I booked an appointment at the doctors so they can give us a referral to a therapist, and to see if you actually need one. It's in a few hours so we'll need to get up soon" Josh says to me.

"Okay, thanks" I say, sincerely but still scared.

We get ready and have breakfast and it's almost time to go.

"Simon, where were you last night? I went to your room but you weren't there" Vikk asks.

"Oh, umm, I was I..." I look at Josh.

"Ohh... I think I understand" Vikk says laughing.

"Right, well let's go" Josh says.

He gets his car keys and we leave to go to the doctors.

We eventually arrive and, as usual, I'm so nervous.

"Name?" says the receptionist.

"Simon Minter" Josh says, knowing that I'm too scared to say anything.

"Okay, great just through that door, on the right" she says pointing at a door.

We make our way down the corridor and approach the room she was talking about.

"You ready?" Josh asks, it's cute that he cares so much.

I nod and Josh opens the door and we both take a seat opposite the doctor.

"Hello, Simon. So could you please just elaborate on why you are here today?" he asks.

I take a deep breath.

"Well, umm I. I don't really... Well I get nervous a lot. Scared, worried, all the time" I begin to say, feeling all those emotions right now.

"We're in a relationship, and we can't go anywhere together without him getting so nervous and worried. He said that he thinks that people are always staring at him, some even laughing. I've never seen any of this happen, apart from one time which I understand. But he won't even look at me when we're out together. He doesn't talk to anyone. I think if he's like that around people he'll probably never see again he's going to be even worse around people he'll have to see every day. It's affecting his life quite drastically and I hate to see him like this" Josh takes over; he saw I was struggling. I look at him and he's beginning to tear up.

"Okay I think I know what's happening. Simon can I ask you just to complete this little survey. It's only ten questions" the doctor says, handing over a sheet of paper and a pen. I take it and begin to read. All the questions are multiple choice. The answers are either: Not at all, sometimes or all the time. The doctor asked me to answer these questions as if I was out with Josh right now.

I quickly finish the questions and hand it back to the doctor. He scans it and looks at me.

"Okay Simon, this survey was to test whether you might have anxiety or paranoia. In order to be diagnosed with that and to get a referral to a therapist you need to score 6 or higher out of 10" Josh and I look at each other "Simon you scored 9 out of 10"