But, I Love Him - Minizerk Fanfiction

Chapter 15

Simon's P.O.V

It's been a few weeks since I've been back. At first I was shocked, not only at Josh's appearance but because of his personality. He'd changed, and I don't know if it was for the better.

When I first saw him, he was so skinny, pale and in all honesty he looked horrible. Not like the Josh I remembered. The one I love. But things have got better now. He looks so much better, sometimes I forget how perfect he is. The way his trimmed beard extenuates his cheek bones perfectly, his deep hazel eyes and flowing dark hair. It's all perfect and I could never be happier with him.

However, during the first week or so I have noticed, and I'm sure the other Sidemen have too, that he's been acting different. Differently to how I imagined he would act when I returned. He seemed really happy that I was back, of course. But he just never looked truly happy. I don't know what it was, I can't quite pin point what was wrong. But something is wrong. He would cry in his sleep, wake up screaming. He never wants to socialise, not even with our friends. It's kind of reminding me of when I would act like that. When I was anxious and depressed. I was beginning to get worried about him.

But recently he's been almost back to normal. I say almost because he still won't hold my hand in public. I used to be the one not doing that and now it's him. Now I know how he felt. It's horrible, knowing that the person that apparently loves you won't even hold your hand. He does it in private though. It's almost like if we're alone together he's a completely different person. But I guess only time can fix that. He's getting better and I can't rush him or change that in anyway, I can only make it worse. So I'm trying my hardest not to make it worse.

This morning I woke up with Josh's arms wrapped around me. He kisses the back of my neck. He's so cute. I just wish we could do this outside of the bedroom. But he won't. I turn to face him, our noses almost touching.

"Morning." He whispers.

"Morning Joshy" I reply, smiling. He makes me so happy. We stare at each other for a while. Taking in all his perfections. He runs his hand up my back and onto the back of my neck.

"I love you" he says quietly then presses his lips against mine. I close my eyes and kiss back. This kind of just happened a bit randomly but I'm not complaining. He slides his tongue into my mouth. I let him take control. He pulls me closer and rolls so that now I'm lying on top of him. Our lips don't stop touching. He eventually pulls away.

"Well that was unexpected" I say laughing.

"Yeah, umm sorry I just missed you and your lips. It feels like ages since we've kissed. That was all I could think about so I just did it" he replies.

"Well it was amazing" I say pecking him on the lips one last time "oh and I love you too."

"Come on, we better start getting ready, it's 12 o'clock!" Josh says.

"Oh yeah... we should get some lunch out."

"Oh umm I'm sure we have something in the house" he replies.

Again, he's trying to avoid going out in public. He always tries to think of an excuse that will get him out of leaving the house.

"Right, no, Josh we need to talk" I say sitting up.

"Okay... what's wrong?" he asks.

"You've been acting, umm different recently. You will never leave the house with me, or anyone for that matter. You don't even hold my hand outside of this bedroom, Josh!" I say beginning to get mad.

"It's because... I'm scared Simon" he looks down at his hands.

"Scared of what?"

"People, looking at us. What if fans see us? What will we do then? I'm just not ready to potentially out myself to the whole world without even doing it to my closest family." He's almost crying. I hug him and comfort him. I usually look up to him for being so strong and perseverant. But now it's all falling apart, he's breaking. I'm the only person that can fix him.

"Josh, there is nothing to be scared of. Trust me, I used to think that but it was all in my imagination. Josh everyone is okay with us being together. You don't need to worry so much. I understand if you don't want to hold my hand or whatever out of the house because of fans and stuff. But at least act like a couple inside the house. The only time I ever hear you say you love me is in this room. I feel like you're a different person when you step out that door Josh." I say beginning to tear up.

"I'm sorry, Simon. I'll do it. For you" and with that he kisses me and we both get ready and walk down the stairs hand in hand. We go to the kitchen and I hug Josh with my arms wrapped around his neck. This feels right.

"Umm, guys could you not..." Ethan walks into the kitchen and glares at us both "It's kind of umm... annoying, let's say that."