But, I Love Him - Minizerk Fanfiction

Chapter 13

Josh's P.O.V

"Josh, I'm leaving and I'm not coming back" Simon then hangs up the phone.

I collapse, realising what has actually just happened. I came out, and outted Simon, to everyone. As a result of my idiotic actions he's left me. He's gone. Ended it all.

"Josh! Oh my god what's happened?" Harry says, noticing me collapsed on the floor, crying. I continue to cry almost ignoring him "Right, come on let's go" he picks me up and we walk to the kitchen.

"Josh, what's wrong. You know you can trust me. I'm here for you" he says, looking into my tear-drowned eyes.

"Yeah but do you know who isn't here? Simon!" I yell, crying again into the sleeves of my jumper. Harry hugs me tightly.

"It'll be okay. He'll be home soon. With you" he says into my ear.

"But the thing is... he's not coming back" I hold back tears while saying that, trying to act strong all of a sudden.

"Wait, what? Josh what's actually happened?" he looks concerned. I take a deep breath.

"I got too drunk and made a mistake, a big mistake. I came out to everyone and Simon wasn't ready for it. He's been going through so much recently" I say trying not to tell Harry every single detail, out of respect for Simon. "Everything was just getting better and I fuck it all up. He's left me and he said he's not coming back"

"Josh... what have you done...?"

Simon's P.O.V

I hang up the phone and just fall to the ground. I don't think about the temporary pain it will cause. I can't control my body anymore, it's like I fainted but still fully conscious. I soon then realise what I've done, but most importantly what he's done. I wasn't ready for this, not now.

I say goodbye to my mum and leave the hospital, it was easier than I thought to do that.

I have no idea where I'm going, all I do know is that it won't be back to that house. I can't face them all after something like that. I'd be too scared and Josh knows that, which makes me question his actions yet again.

I just settle on staying in a hotel. It's my favourite hotel actually. I don't know why I came here, I only had good memories of this place now they're all going to be bad. I've prepaid for a few weeks there. I guess after that I'll have to find some place of my own.

I begin to think after being alone in my hotel room for a few hours. I'll eventually have to go back; I mean all my stuff is there. I should really clear everything up. No. I can't. But am I really going to live by myself. I'm not mentally ready to do something like that. I do a sort of internal scream. Then I realise I'm alone, so I let it all out.

"AAAAAHHHH!!!" and with that I begin to cry and sob into a little, helpless ball.

*a week later*

I didn't leave my hotel room for three days in a row once. I was just in bed sobbing and thinking about how everything has been ruined and gone. It reminds me of how I used to feel, all paranoid all the time. I think it's came back, worse.

It got to points where I was actually questioning my life and my relevance on this planet. I'm doing more harm than I am good. I'm sure most of them, Josh included, want me dead anyway.

Yesterday I went into the bathroom and looked at myself in the mirror. I'm a mess. I haven't eaten in days, my hair is gross, my face is stained with tears and my eyes are red and puffy. Look what I've become. A worthless mass of nothingness. I then went into the cabinet above me. I held a small piece of metal against my skin. It felt cold on my arm. Slowly I dragged the razor across my skin cutting through it leaving a trail of red. I did this over and over again. The blood is dripping onto the tile floor, my tears separating the blood every now and again.

I collapse. I feel faint. I need to stop the blood. I grab the toilet roll and quickly start wrapping it around my arm. It soaks through and the paper has gone a bright red. I sit there, on the floor, waiting. I don't know what for but I'm waiting. A miracle I guess.

Vikk's P.O.V

Ever since Simon's left none of us can get hold of him. I'm worried about him you know, but Josh is especially. I've noticed however, that he's been getting more unsociable. I didn't see him for three whole days once and I don't even know if he's eating. I saw him yesterday though, he looked horrible. Like a ghost. He was so pale and skinny, his eyes red with tears, his beard overgrown. I hate seeing my friend like that. I need to get him Simon back, now.

Luckily I have an idea of where he might be. He once told me where his favourite hotel was because we were driving past it and he just pointed it out.

I see Josh in the doorway of the kitchen, looking horrible. I walk up to him and give him a hug.

"What was that for...?" he says.

"Josh, I can see you're struggling without Simon. I'm going to get him back. We all miss him and I want to do this for you" I say.

He looks at me, tears in his eyes and whispers "Thank you" and with that I take my car keys and make my way to the hotel I hope Simon is at.