Descended (Jahvie)

Ch 3: False Hope

*Dahvie*

My lungs are aching from lack of air. We've been traveling through the ocean for almost an entire day now. As I look around, everyone looks fatigued from holding on to their dolphins. We're moving pretty slow, I still can't retract my wings, so they're out, dragging in the water. This journey is just all around miserable. All I see is a never-ending ocean in every direction, except for those minutes the dolphins bring us to the surface for some fresh air, then I see a never-ending sky as well. It mirrors the never-ending hole in my heart.

I keep thinking I see Jayy beside me, because I keep seeing the image of Jayy swimming with the dolphins in my head. The day we all swam together, after we rescued Jayy from the demons' fire. I replayed that day in my head. That's how I passed most of my time traveling through the ocean...

I remember waking up lying on Jayy's chest, I was so worried. I told him to never leave me again. I told him I would follow him everywhere, and the past few days, I'm dying to follow him to the afterlife. I'm still contemplating ending it all right now. I know it won't be the same, but I don't see how I can live with this pain every day.

My dolphin bucked his head sharply as I held on to his dorsal fin, as if he was scolding me for what I was thinking. I then remembered Jayy and the animals. That day he said maybe he has an affinity with animals. The dolphin slows so he can turn his head and look at me, and I notice the dolphin has golden eyes, like Jayy's after they changed color. I felt comforted, like he was with me.

I rest my head on the dolphin and close my eyes, reminiscing in my memories, until I notice the ocean floor getting closer and closer.

---------Two Months Later---------

The days go by in such a blur. It's like I have no sense of time anymore. I'm so disconnected from what's happening around me, it's like I'm just floating, waiting for the day I die. It's not a very pleasant way to live, but so much of me died with Jayy. I tried, I really did. As soon as the dolphins brought us here, I tried to have more life in my voice when I spoke, I tried to smile and go about my normal motions, like putting on my unity stripes. But I think everyone can tell it's forced. I'll plaster a smile on my face, but I'm always just... Disinterested. Nothing excites me, except danger and death. Mine only! No one else's.

I sit cross legged on the cliff above the ocean, and imagine what it would be like to jump. My wings are better, I can retract them and stretch them wide, but I'm not sure if I can fly yet. My right one still hurts when I strain it too much.

I'm suppose to be by the campfire, the demon group we came across is joining us tonight. I'm still not sure about them. It's two girls and four boys. They're very... Polygamous. The girls wear barely any clothes, and the boys only wear shorts. Back before I met Jayy, I would have found this very alluring, but now they just remind me of Jayy, always half naked, and the sexiest sight that ever existed.

They're too deep into their demonic nature, I think. We came across one of the guys first, he frenzied on Drew. When we pinned him down, the others showed up with their weapons high. We were able to pin them down without any serious injuries, and we told them we were just passing through. We invited them to eat and hear our music, but their faces looked scrutinizing, conniving.

I think about the dark angels all the time. I thought this pain was suppose to heal over time, but it just seems to increase with each rise and fall of the sun. My chest physically hurts whenever Jayy crosses my mind, which is almost constantly. It feels like a part of me has been torn off and locked away. I have a constant longing for something that I can never have. That's the worst part. No Hope.