Howling at the Moon - [A Werewolf Adventure]

Tugging on the Sleeve of How it Used to be (Tamara)

I slammed my hands against a tree, the bark scraping at my skin until it was a bloody mess. A horrific wailing broke from my throat before I even had a chance to think about it. Darion's hand slapped over my mouth, the other pulling my hands away from the tree. I expected comforting words to follow, instead he just said, “You'll give away our location if you keep screaming like that.”

I jerked my hands away from his, and he removed his from my mouth. It hit me that had he said something kind, I would have lashed out more. He knew that reason was best, and I was thankful for that. For a second, he just stared, but a moment later he held his arms out. I rushed in for a hug immediately, wrapping my arms around his waist and burying my face in his chest. We held each other like that for a little while, before Darion pulled away. “You need to clean up your hands, then check on Auron.” He ordered, slowly shifting back into a wolf.

I was surprised by the leadership role he was taking on, but I suppose I shouldn't have been. Auron and I clearly weren't in the position to be making any sort of decisions. I nodded, walking to get the first aid kit. Wrapping my hands was hard without help, but I didn't have any intention of asking Darion to shift back just for that. I knew just how painful it was. After they were sloppily bandaged, I kneeled next to Auron, inspecting for any cuts or wounds I could treat quickly. I sighed, dragging him into better light before searching through his fur. As far as I could tell, there was nothing that needed to be treated immediately. I turned to where Darion had been, asking for water, but he had already gone. Probably patrolling, as always.

Debating whether to leave Auron to get water or to wait for Darion to return almost seemed too stressful, which shocked me. I knew me. I was focused, a hardworker, a simple choice never caused me stress. Leaning back, I sat next to Auron, just staring straight ahead. For once, I thought of nothing. My mind was blank, I had become a zombie. I served no real purpose at that point anyway. There was nothing I could do for Auron, nothing I could do for Darion, and certainly nothing I could do for Jaxon. For a while, I just sat. A rustle in the bushes startled me back into a semi-normal state, and I sat up, looking around. Darion's familiar furry head peeked through, and I sagged back into place.

He watched me, before padding over to Auron. As he inspected him, I flopped onto my back. The trees closed in on us, leaving very little view wise, but I wasn't paying attention to anything regardless.

Something wet pressed up against my hand, and I looked over to see Darion's nose pressed up against me. A simple source of comfort, no words needed. It was like it snapped me awake, because suddenly I was full of a range of emotions.

We stayed like that while we waited for Auron to wake up. Looking in, it would appear simple, peaceful. It was neither. Inside, I was angry, which was often my go-to reaction to anything. The poacher, that obviously didn't understand what he had done. He seemed so ignorant to me, so simple-minded. I was angry with Auron, who was supposed to lead us safely. And even Darion, who was supposed to keep us safe. I knew deep down that I was also partially to fault, but I refused to admit that to myself. I just wanted Jaxon back.

It wasn't until Auron woke up that we moved. He had shifted back, which amazed me the most, tears in his eyes. I scooted towards him, frowning. “Auron?” I asked, as if he was suddenly a whole other person. Maybe he had been, in that short period of time. We had all changed at least a little.

He wiped his face with the back of his hand, taking a moment to look around. It hit me that he must have been checking to see if Jaxon was there, and I was immediately standing up and rushing to the bushes, heaving up what little I had eaten.

“Shit.” Auron said, repeating it over and over. I used my t-shirt to wipe of my face, wrinkling my nose and turning away. Darion looked lost, not sure which one of us to comfort.

In most cases, I would have turned to Auron. I would have asked, “What now?” But that was the last thing I wanted to do. Had he really not noticed the scent of the humans earlier? It didn't make sense to me, I couldn't piece it together. Darion looked ready to say something, but even then remained silent. I sat down across from Auron, crossing my legs. Tears stained my cheeks, but I couldn't figure out when that had happened. Darion sat next to the both of us, constantly alert.

“What's the plan then?” He finally asked, and my head whipped in his direction.

“We're going to save Jaxon!” I snapped, hearing the same words from Auron. We glanced at each other, him looking somewhat sheepish. I imagine I just looked feral.

“That's not much of a plan, is it?” Darion sighed, and it was my turn to look sheepish. I was supposed to be the focused one, but I was just a mess. I needed a song, but nothing came to mind. I needed a plan, but nothing came to mind. I was becoming quite needy.

“The sooner we get him back, the better.” Auron decided.

“It'll be hard to track the poacher. All of their scents are the same to me.” Darion informed him, wrinkling his nose.

“There's no doubt they'll be harder to pick up now, either.” I added, frowning. Nothing seemed to be going our way. We all sat like that, processing it all, when I finally burst into tears. I hadn't been expecting it, and it was clear the guys hadn't been either. They both just stared, eyes wide, as I sobbed into my hands. I felt ridiculous, I never cried as much as I had in the short time since the massacre. Crying didn't solve anything, so why couldn't I stop?

Soon enough, I could feel Darion pressed against my shoulder, followed shortly by Auron pulling me into a hug. I almost felt like pushing them away, but that wouldn't solve anything either. The sobs turned into little hiccups after a while, but we still didn't move. There was nothing we could do, being as hysterical as we were, or at least I was.

“I'm sorry.” Auron said, heaving out a long breath. I wanted him to be. Call me selfish, but I was still mad. Leaders weren't supposed to make mistakes, not in my head, and I knew a part of me wouldn't forget it. I also knew just how guilty he felt right then, so instead of keeping it in mind, I ignored his mistake for a moment and wrapped my arms around his waist. It was as close to forgiving him as I was willing to give.

We had gotten into little fights before, but it wasn't nothing like this. Nothing that would ever affect my opinion of Auron in the slightest. And it wasn't that I hated him, or even disliked him. He was still Auron and I still cared about him, but I would always have this in the back of my mind. Every decision he made, I knew a part of me would second-guess, regardless of whether it made sense for me too or not. I didn't want it to be that way, but I could only guess that he felt similarly.

I stood suddenly, jerking away from the guys. It was like a sudden revelation that I knew should have hit me much, much sooner. “Sitting here is stupid.” I decided, and I could see Darion shake his head from the corner of my eye, Auron smiling ever so slightly.

As if those words had flicked on a switch in my head, and I was rushing around to pack up everything I could without even thinking about it. Auron hadn't made any decisions, but I didn't care. I wanted to be ready, I wanted to be moving.

Auron latched on to my hands, and I winced slightly. The bandages I had put on so messily were hanging off my hands, an ugly color from blood and what appeared to be some grass stains. He didn't say anything, just gave a tiny smile and helped rewrap it. Almost like another apology.

“What's the plan then?” Darion repeated, with the tiniest laugh.

[The title is from the song Loose Lips by Kimya Dawson.]