mine.

Chapter 11

Song: Coloring // by Kevin Garret
Ambiance, man.

*Ally POV*

The car ride was silent. As soon as we got back to Stevie's apartment it started raining. How atmospheric, I thought. The rain poured and we could hear the raindrops fall hard against the window. Stevie went to get us wine glasses which gave me time to think.

"Sit down." Stevie instructed, handing me the glass she had poured for me and sitting down herself. I did what I was told and waited for her to say something else. There was a moment of silence before she finally spoke and looked up at me.

"We are going to take the time to talk and share what we want, need, or feel like we have to tell each other, okay?" Stevie said scooting closer to me. I didn't say anything. I felt like sharing my 'problems' was unnecessary and I did not want to burden Stevie with things that shouldn't even matter anymore. At the same time I didn't want this to be a one-sided relationship, I could tell that she's already fallen for me hard and right now I'm not allowing myself to completely give up all my love to her. If I was any younger I would be insecure about the fact that Stevie was and is way out of my league but sleeping around has really boost my confidence, I need this conversation to happen. I want to be able to love her and give her beyond what she's giving me because I know that's what I'm capable of, I need to settle. This entire thing feels so right, but I feel so wrong. My insecurities of becoming a burden to Stevie are getting the best of me and I know I shouldn't let them.

"If you want, I could start." She said, rubbing her hand down my back. I looked at her. "No." I said quickly. "I want to start." We waited. I was waiting for the words and she was waiting for me to say them. Eventually the wait became too long and she noticed.

"Ally, you need to accept the fact that I love you. You need to trust that I love you and you need to trust that I will be okay with whatever it is you need to tell me. Please, talk to me. I know you've been through a lot." I looked at her with thankful eyes. I can't believe that she understood me. I gave her a soft smile and took a breath before saying something.

"What I have to say to you is pretty boring and pathetic." I said with a small chuckle, realizing that if I said my worries aloud they wouldn't really be interesting at all.
"Share everything about yourself to me." She said immediately after I said that. I smiled. "There's not much to talk about, now that I think about it. It's unfortunate that most of my problems are rooted from my other relationships." I looked down. "If that's what you want to talk about, I'll listen." She told me while playing with my hair. I took a sip from my glass and thought that I should probably start with Sam. I remembered that she asked me what happened at Hannah Witton's recent dinner. After tonight's events I figured that I had already used up all my emotion for the night and I'd be fine with talking about her.

"That girl at the studio, I knew her." I said. Stevie didn't look surprised but she nodded and gestured for me to continue. "I was starting a band freshman year of college and that's when I met her." I took another sip from my drink. "I knew from the beginning that there was something off about her that I couldn't quite lay a finger on. Eventually, we got close and she told me things. Things that made me feel special because she told me them." I took a shaky breath. "She told me she loved me and I took it the wrong way and basically I couldn't move on from it. Your turn." I said anxiously. Stevie looked at me knowing that wasn't the full story and she probably caught on that it was modified. She shook her head and went on to speak. I felt a bit sad that she didn't ask me to continue or that she didn't say anything about it but I figured it was my own fault.

"My family was fucked up."  Stevie had turned off her emotions and I understood this. She told me more about her family in detail. How she was emotionally abused by her mother to how her brother was working for a drug cartel. I've known the general info since she's mentioned it in videos but I didn't realize it was this bad.

"And this asshole who I was talking to at a bar thought I was leading him on and followed me back to my house at the time. He tied me to the bed and wouldn't stop. I wasn't traumatized but I did go to therapy for it." She continued whilst looking down at the floor. "I've cried about this so many times, Ally. I'm just glad I have you now." Stevie looked back up at me and gave me a peck on the lips. I smiled and she cuddled into my chest.

"Your heart is beating really fast." Stevie mentioned. "You have that effect on me." I told her. She smiled and kissed me. "I know that wasn't the end of it, Allison." She looked at me seriously. "I'm just really bad at talking about myself, I'm sorry." I apologized. "Don't be. You never have to tell me anything you don't want to tell me." She kissed me softly and rubbed my cheek. "Unless you cheat, get a ticket-" I stopped her from saying anything else. "I'd probably want to tell you those things." I laughed a bit. "I want you to know everything, actually. The fact that I can't makes me sad." I continued. "Why can't you?" She got off of me and looked at me. "There's not enough time to tell you everything, I just wish I had met you sooner." I said. "We need more pillow talk." She said as she chuckled and laid her head back down on my chest.

We cuddled in silence for almost an hour. In that time I realized that Stevie should be the only person in my life that I needed to care about at the moment and that I was being a total idiot for hesitating to share things with her. She had not fallen asleep but I had assumed that it was because she was waiting for me to talk more about myself. Luckily I found the words to say.

"Sam and I never did anything. We were just friends. I fell in love with her mind and the way she thought. I fell in love with her life experiences and her talent. I had a boyfriend at the time and I didn't realize I was hardcore falling for her until a couple months after she cut me off." I sighed having to remember that I fell in love with her. "After my breakup I was going through a really rough time. I grew depressed and I asked her to help me but she just pushed me away. She said I was too negative of a person to be around with." I looked down at Stevie to see if she was listening and rubbed her shoulder. "Kind of sucks because I spent a year of my life devoted on making her happy when she was going through a rough time herself, and she never even realized it." I continued. "But now I have you." Stevie positioned herself on my lap so she was able to look at me. "You are one of the most understanding and patient people I've ever got the chance to meet in my life. Thank you for being so patient with me, you're the best." She looked at me and smiled. She kissed me deeply and passionately. "I can't believe how fast this relationship is going, Ally." Stevie said, her face still pressed up against mine. I could tell she was worried about something. "Don't leave me." She whispered. I kissed her and carried her to the bedroom.

"You need sleep." I told her as I tucked her in the bed and laid down with her.

I waited til she fell asleep before drifting into my own thoughts. I knew that telling her about Sam would make her insecure. I needed to reassure her that I actually did love her. I decided to text her something.

"You are not my first love but I will treat you like you are. Don't you dare think for a second that I won't give my all to you. " I looked over the text before I sent it.

And why not write her a letter as well? I got up and took out some fancy schmancy paper and a pen.

"Stevie..

No one has ever made me feel more safe. Our own individual ways of thinking are the polar opposites of each other but opposites attract, right? I'm kidding, I'd never be that cliché with you.
(I'm going to jinx that so hard.)

But enough with the jokes. My point is that no matter how different of people we are, being able wake up next to you, being able to touch and satisfy you, being able to share everything with you without worrying you might leave is everything to me. Being with you feels right. I love you."

I put the letter under her pillow, careful not to wake her and cuddled up next to her. The things I said in that letter really were true, I felt whole and complete. I'm actually happy.

-
Very boring chapter, but things needed to be explained and I wanted to show just how secure the relationship is within this story.

I'd love to know your opinions on how this story is going since I'm not sure of what I think of it myself.

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