Broken and Lost

Chapter 5: Social Anxiety

I woke up. Earlier this time. I could smell food and I was starving. I layed in bed reading the Star Wars book Katelynn gave me. I think I was gonna go with Adam for a bit today. Maybe after that I'll go see if katelynn could show me around.

Eventually I got up and I sleepily walked into the kitchen. "Whatcha makin'?" I asked, sitting down at the kitchen table. "Grilled cheese. Yours is almost done" he smiled as he flipped the cheesy sandwich over to toast on the other side. I already lost my appetite but my stomach was growling. "Adam-" He put the plate in front of me. "You're going to eat. I can hear your stomach growling" I nodded. "I'm nervous about school" I blurted out. "What?" He turned around and gave me a confused look. Nervous for me was like panic attacks. I'm 20 and I'm barely going to college. What if it doesn't work out? What if I fail?? "Why are you nervous?" He sat down across from me. "I don't know but I'm not getting enough sleep" I mumbled after finishing my food. "Do I need to take you to the doctor?" He asked. "No- Adam, I'm already on enough pills"

"I'm just trying to help"

"I know you're just trying to help but I don't need help, Adam, I'm fine. I'm just nervous, okay." I raised my voice a little. I really was nervous for school but that wasn't all that was on my mind. Alex kept creeping up in my dreams. The same dream. "I'm sorry, I just- I miss her..." I spoke low. "I know, kid. I do too" He tried to stay composed. I know he's only trying to stay strong for me. I try not to talk about it with him. It only hurts him.

He finished his food and jumped in the shower. I went to my room and changed into one of my favorite Star Wars shirts and shorts. It was warmer today. I sat on my bed. "Tayler! Let's go!" I jumped up. I took my medication before leaving my room. Definitely don't want to pull a yesterday. "Hey, I think I'm gonna hang out with you a little bit today, okay?" Honestly I was trying to avoid Katelynn. She probably thinks I'm really wierd because of yesterday. "Whhhhyyyyy?" He complained as we got in the beat up truck. "Oh, I'm sorry, I don't want to interrupt your alone time with Dean" I spoke sarcastically as I smirked at him. "Shut up, I don't even like her like that" Mmmmmm, I call bullshit. I parked and we both got out.

Me and Adam walked in together. Dean was cleaning some of the shelves. "Hey" I spoke, walking behind her. "Hey, what's up? Did you get to talk to Katelynn?" She asked a little excitedly. "Uh- um- well, yeah" I mumbled. She's also been crowding my mind. Her short almost gingery curly hair. I love it. She chuckled and continued to clean. I went and sat on the counter. Adam and Dean started talking and he helped her clean. Woah Woah Woah, wait. He's helping her clean. He NEVER helps me clean. I see, I see.

"I'm gonna go now" I waved to Dean. "Hey, where are you going?" He asked sticking his head out. "Exploring!" I said as I left the building, immediantly bumping into someone. A+ me! Fucking again. "I'm so sorr-"

"It's okay"

I looked up. "Oh my- it's- hi!" I spoke immediately regretting my choice of words.

She chuckled. "Hey, I'm guessing you know who I am." She smiled. Of course I do! Jade Conlon! Fucking awesome UFC fighter.

"Yeah, I do!" I smiled. I loved to watch her fight. I've been watching her from the beginning. "I hope you have a good day" I said awkwardly as I walked to my truck. "You too!" She yelled a little and then walked into the store.

I got in my truck and I drove over to the book store. Maybe Katelynn would be there. I got out and I made my way to the front door. I walked in and I looked around for her. She wasn't here? I frowned and decided to go look at the Star Wars section again. They had the coolest stuff and I wished I had enough money for it all.

I wondered if she was okay. Maybe I'm being too paranoid. 'She's doesn't even like you' the little voice spoke in my head. 'Remember yesterday? She thinks you're a freak now' it grew a little louder. 'You know your self worth.' I heard it and I closed my eyes tight. "Are you okay?" A familiar soft voice spoke behind me. "What? Yeah, yeah I'm fine" I mumbled. "Are you sure?" She asked and I turned around. I nodded. "I'm just tired" I grabbed a fluffy wookie. I was gonna buy it. I think I'll start adding to my collection.