Broken and Lost

Chapter 13: Don't Worry, I'm Not Fine

It was a very long day. Dean was gonna make me go to the gym tomorrow and I was dreading it already. All this school work was making me tired and stressed out already. I walked Katelynn home and I walked back to my apartment. I don't know we decided to walk everywhere today. I guess it was good way to sober up. It was pretty rainy all day. I wondered if Adam was doing okay. The smell brought my back to that day. Any memory I had of that day. For Adam, it was full blown anxiety attacks. It broke my heart.

I walked into my apartment after a long wet walk. Adam was sprawled out on the couch. "Tayler, it's super late" He spoke up sleepily. Me and Katelynn went walking after Dean signed us up at the gym. "I know" I put my stuff up in my room and put some dry clothes on. The rain made me a little uneasy but nothing compared to what Adam felt. "How are you feeling?" I ask, sitting next to him. He didn't respond. "I miss her too" I mumbled as I looked down at my bare feet. "I miss her a lot" I spoke, almost a whisper. He sat up and put a blanket over my cold body. "Are you okay?" I looked over at him. He had a sad expression on his face. I wasn't sure if he'd tell me what happened. "I- she- she saw what happened" He mumbled. "She took care of you" I ruffled his hair. "What happened to you last night?" He changed the subject.

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I plopped myself on the couch and I drank straight from the bottle of whiskey. My world was spinning. I tried to get up only to fall over almost spilling my drink. "Wow, this time you're not being pushed down!" I laughed at myself. I got back up and I made my way to the bathroom, almost falling twice. "Dude, this bathroom needs cleaning" I mumbled to myself. I always like to think someone's actually listening to what I'm talking about even when I'm alone. I could feel the tears form in my eyes and my mood changed quickly. I missed her and I hate him. The deep sadness I felt overwhelmed me and I realized I was still on the toilet. I got up, flushing the toilet and propping  myself on my bed. I continued to drink. Usually when I start, I don't stop easy. I wondered what was taking my brother so long. I wondered if he was okay. I hoped he'd be fine.

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"You know how I am when I'm drunk" I replied. "Are you okay now?"

"Adam I'm fine" I tried to reassure him.

"You weren't fine earlier"

"I was feeling sick" I hate when he does this with me but I understand.

"Don't bullshit me. If you're having trouble again please-"

"Just stop. I am not having trouble. I am fine" I played with my hands and I cringed at my own words. I was lying but I can fix it myself.

"I'm just making sure you're okay" He knows I'm lying. He knows it's hard for me to talk about it. I feel ashamed.

"Adam-" his arms rapped around me. He always took care of me. Even more then mom and dad. Or at least that's how it felt.

"We can talk about it tomorrow. Which Star Wars movie do you want to watch tonight?" He asked, grabbing more blankets and the set of movies. "The new one" I pointed and I rested my head on the side of the couch, using it as a pillow. "We have pillows you know" He laughed a little. "I'm lazy" I mumbled and buried myself within the blankets. "Are you inviting Dean over tomorrow?" I yelled as he went and got pillows. "Yeah, we actually don't have to work all day tomorrow. Our boss has a thing to go to so I'll be home early tomorrow" he gave me a pillow and I rested as the movie began to play.

--- The Next Morning ---

I jolt awake. Oh my god! I'm late! I jump out of bed and I hurry and change clothes and I run out of my room. I brush my teeth quickly and i sit down for a minute. "Adam! Why aren't you awake!" I yelled, panicking. "Because it's 6am!" He yelled and I tried to calm down. School is in two hours. Two hours.

I take Adam to work a little early so he doesn't have to walk and then I make my way to school. I honestly wasn't feeling school today. I don't want to do anything but sleep and cry.

I go and I sit next to Katelynn for breakfast. I promised her I'd eat with her. I didn't get much sleep last night. "Tayler, are you okay? You look pale" Katelynn spoke up in the cafeteria.

"I'm just tired" I smiled and picked at my food.

"Are you sure?" She looked at me with concern.

"Positive" I mumbled. I looked over at her as she ate. Her hair was in a bun today. She looked really- well- cute. Her bright green floral dress really made her hazel/green eyes pop. She was beautiful.

"Are you not hungry?" She asked, pulling me from my thoughts.

"Not so much" I mumbled. I lost my appetite. Today just didn't seem like my day. As long as Katelynn was here I knew it would be a little less shitty.

"Well, class starts soon. We don't wanna miss anything important" She smiled.