Broken and Lost

Chapter 15: Jealous? Maybe

I ran on the treadmill and waiting for Dean to come back upstairs. I had this- this feeling in my stomach. A feeling I haven't felt in a long time. I wasn't sure if I was jealous or afraid but I knew that I didn't like him. She liked him and that made me- afraid? I don't like it. I wasn't sure if this meant that I liked her. I wasn't sure exactly what I was feeling. It was foreign to me.

She came back upstairs and Tommy pulled her aside. I could see her playing with her fingers and tapping her foot. I noticed she'd do that when she was nervous. Was he making her nervous? Was she afraid? She smiled a little and that made me wonder what he was saying to her. I kept running. What made her nervous? What was he saying to her? It bothered me. I want to know.

Suddenly anger boiled up in me and I spoke. "Don't you have a wife to go home to?" I yelled and I got off the tread mill. I instantly regretted my words. All four of them snapped their head towards me and I could see the anger on Tommys face. "The fuck did you just say you fucking alcoholic?!" He yelled. I boiled with anger but I didn't move. Part of me was afraid but I blacked out. "No no, please stop! I need him. I can't have him beat up, I need him. Please" I could hear my sisters voice and I could feel her standing in front of me.

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"Adam, please slow down!" Alex yelled in the passenger seat. My world was spinning. I couldn't even tell which direction I was going. "Adam! Adam, please!" Tayler yelled in the backseat. I could hear her breathing heavy. She was scared. She never liked to go fast. My heart was racing. I could feel it beating out of my chest.

Tayler was crying. I looked over next to me. Blood, it was everywhere. "Adam! Alex!" I could hear her crying. I couldn't hear Alex. I looked around, I couldn't see her. Everything went black.

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"Adam" I could hear my sister mumble. I looked at her. I could see the sadness in her eyes. She hugged me. She hugged me tight. I hugged her back. She knew what happened. She knew I blamed myself. I was the one driving. I was the one drunk. I was the one who crashed. It was my fault. "It wasn't your fault" She whispered. I stayed silent. Me and Tayler went outside for some air.

"Please talk to me." I spoke. She was shutting me out again.

"I am talking to you" She looked down at her feet.

"You're not talking about it. You're not talking to me about it. You're saying your fine and I know you're not fine." I mumbled. I felt angry but I wasn't going to show it. I wanted her to tell me what's going on and being angry about it wasn't going to help.

"I'm sorry. I'm scared and I don't want to put you through my bullshit again. Adam, you have enough-"

"I don't care. I promised myself I'd take care of you. You are my sister and I'm going to make sure I don't lose you too. I'm not going to lose you-" her arms wrapped around me.

"You're not gonna lose me" She whispered. I could not lose her. I was afraid of losing her. I was afraid it would be my fault.

"Are you guys okay?" Dean spoke up, breaking the moment. We broke our hug and we both nodded. "I guess we should leave, huh?" Tayler spoke up.

"We can come back tomorrow" she smiled and we all grabbed our stuff and left.

We all pilled into Taylers car and drive back to the apartment. Today was too much. "Are you gonna stay the night?" I asked Dean. She gave me kind of a surprised look.

"We can go to work together so I wont have to walk alone." I really wanted her to stay.

"Um- sure. We can all go back to the gym after school and work and everything" She nodded. I could tell she was excited. We all got up into the apartment. Tayler went to her room and I sat on the couch.

"Are you okay?" Dean sat next to me as I pondered the question. Was I okay? Was she okay? I don't know what all happened but I heard what Tayler said. She sounded so scared.

"Yeah I'm okay" I reassured her. I didn't know if I was lying or not. I felt okay but I wasn't really sure. I sat there quietly. I decided to see if Tayler was okay. I peeked my head through the door and she looked like she was sleeping. I closed her door and I sat back down on the couch.