What Now? (Liam Payne) [BWWM] 2016

Liam

"I think I'm gonna call it and get some shut eye for a bit." I tell the sound engineer and he nods, turning his attention back to the musical duo in the recording booth, the two voices animated as they discuss ad libs and ideas for song progression. Inclining my head, I don't wait to see if anyone else responds before grabbing my bag and heading out of the dark, smoke filled studio space. Immediately inhaling deeply as I step out into the unusually crisp night air, I pull my hoodie down low over my head and hop into my rental car.

Pulling into the garage for my rental property, I grab my bag and slam the door shut, hitting the remote lock on my key chain. My phone buzzes for what has to be the fifth time tonight and I dread looking at the screen. Two missed messages; one from Toya, one nsfw notification from Trista. Sighing, I delete Trista's message, already knowing it's yet another ploy of hers to try to get me into the hotel room she's been more than clear in letting me know she's rented.

She just doesn't seem to understand the meaning of married.

"Not like you've been any better." My conscience reminds me and I grimace. Though I doubt she would've stopped her onslaught if I had turned her down her advances on marrying Toya... I just can't seem to find a way to completely cut her off without having my business being the fodder for tabloids for years too many.

I've taken too much and taken that too far. Said too much to someone I didn't even really see a future with, but I was already in too deep... not that that is any sort of excuse either. Trista keeps trying to sway me, using her supposed; and I say supposed because I honestly can't remember touching her; pregnancy as her foothold.

Nothing about it makes sense and that sets my teeth on edge.

Rubbing a hand over my face, I walk around my rented house, checking locks on doors and windows before settling in the home theater. Turning the game on and setting the volume on low, I slide open my phone and hit the call button.

"Do you have any idea what time it is?" Grumbles a familiar, soothing voice. "I only JUST got Aiden and Noah to go to sleep." Toya huffs, the rustling sounds coming through the phone letting me know she's shifted her position. A door sounds quietly in the background and I can hear another door sliding before she speaks again.

"What Now?"

"I miss you." I tell her honestly and she half laughs- half snorts.

"You have a weird way of showing that Payno." She fires back, yawning.

Guilt creeps across my heart like thorn covered vines, pricking me with every inch covered. Leaving me bleeding for her.

"I know." I reply honestly. "It's just been so crazy and-"

"I don't want your excuses."

I can hear the door sliding open again in the background and muffled conversation as she shoos someone away.

"I know you don't want my excuses. I messed up and I've been doing a pretty s h i t t y job of trying to keep my family together."

"Our family." She amends. "It isn't just about you. It's about our kids, it's about us. I married you."

"I know."

"Tell me something you don't know Liam."

I rub my chin thoughtfully. "Why do you make your bags so heavy?"

A long silence fills the line before she answers with a simple "Are you kidding me?"

"I mean it T, why are your bags always so bloody heavy. That's what I want to know and something I don't know."

She laughs incredulously. "Well then... I hate being unprepared. My bags are heavy because I carry a little bit of everything I think I'll need in them."

I think about her answer for a minute, remembering numerous times when she's averted crisis with a safety pin or a wipe, one particularly random time, clear medical tape. "Nobody is ever fully prepared to be a parent though." I muse.

"Well no... but I try to limit the amount of things that can surprise me in the negative. The rest is an adventure."

"An adventure I like sharing with you." I tease and she laughs quietly.

"What's going on with you Liam? You call me up at late hours and your charming and loving and the man that I married, but when you're home, you're a whole different person. Is it me? Did I do something?"

The hurt and unanswered questions are hard to miss in her voice and the thorns dig deeper into my heart, punishing me for having my wife feeling this vulnerable.

"You're perfect." I whisper, all the fogginess clearing as I realize how true those words ring.

"I told Z he has to go for a bit." She whispers and my eyebrows raise.

"What?"

"Liam- he told me he loves me and I mean, I love him too. As a friend and the uncle of our children. I love you and our family, and while Z is in it... you're the one I married. Everything has been so much to handle lately and he's been great, but I won't hurt him. I don't feel the same way about him and he deserves to be happy too. Actually, he should be touching down in LA soon, said something about an Alexandra or some model, I don't know... I tried to tune him out when he started arguing how he would drop them to be the one to make me happy. I can't Liam. We need to work."

My heart may as well be another vein, the thorns have dug and twisted in tight with every word spoken, yet, that doesn't happen. A weight lifts from my chest on hearing from her mouth that she doesn't want my best friend.

She wants me.

"I'm coming home." I say suddenly, cutting her off mid-sentence.

"What?" She rasps out, sleepiness creeping back into her voice.

Balancing my phone between my shoulder and ear, I yank my laptop out of my bag and quickly book a ticket, not even caring where I'm sitting.

I just need to be home.

"I'm coming home." I repeat and suddenly, I can't wait to be home. "I love you so much."

"I... love you too?" Confusion sweeps her voice. "See you when you get here?"

"Babe?"

"Yeah Liam?"

"We're going to be alright."

She inhales sharply. "You sure this time? I need my husband."

Pressing submit on an order of flowers to reach her before I do, I smile.

"You're the one thing I am sure about. I love you, get some sleep. See you and the boys soon."

Hanging up, I turn the tv off and hop into my car. Just eager to get home. Feeling a sense of calm wash over at me after weeks of irrational fears of which I created, everything else has nothing to do but fall into place.

Ignoring paparazzi and running through the airport to my gate, I'm boarded and strapped into my seat. Watching the moon as we take off, I can't help but smile at the moon and think.

I've got my family.

I've got my best friend.

I've got my music.

What Now?

song: Made to be together- Trey Songz