Good Girlz in the Hood : The Chronicles of Ciara

Chapter 49 - Take Away the Pain

I was with Karina, Meisha and their friend Sabrina at a bar. Karina didn't know, but Meisha and I had set it up so that her ex boyfriend Karim, would come to the bar and meet us. It was all part of our plan to get them back together.

I looked towards the door, and noticed Kyle walk in with Derome and some other friends.

"Yuck!" Meisha said, noticing the guys' arrival also. "Derome is so dumb. He told me he's not coming out tonight, yet here he is with his 'mandem.' Its like all of a sudden, he doesn't wanna spend time with me unless we're having sex!" She said, rolling her eyes

"And Kyle told me that he probably wouldn't be coming down this weekend. What a prick!" I said, as Meisha and I glared at Derome, Kyle and their friends.

"Just enjoy our night out, girlies. We're here to have fun and let our hair loose, but we're sitting here staring daggers at boys? I'm getting drinks, be right back." Sabrina said, getting up and walking over to the bar

The time got closer to midnight, and I finally saw Karim walk through the large double doors.

I coughed three times, (this was the signal Meisha and I had arranged earlier) and stood up quickly.

"Meisha, come and help me answer my phone." I said; it was stupid but Karina wasn't paying attention to what I had said anyway.

We walked towards the entrance, where we had told Karim to wait for us.

Meisha and I went and sat at the bar, watching Karim walk over to the table where we had been sitting. Whilst we sat there, I felt like I was being watched; I looked up to see Kyle staring at me from his seat. I broke his gaze, and looked back at Karina and Karim. They were still talking, then suddenly got up and walked out of the bar together. Meisha and I looked at each other in surprise; it looked like our plan had worked.

We went back over to the table to tell Sabrina that we were also leaving, then the three of us left the club and went home.

***
The next day was a Sunday, I had the day off of work so I was laying in bed listening to my iPod, when I noticed my phone screen lighting up.

It was a random 0208 number, so I answered it

"Hello"
"Hi Ciara, this is Vanessa. You probably don't remember me, but it was my modelling agency who came up with "The Face of..." Competition..."
"Oh yeah, I remember you." Why was she calling me? I hadn't from them in ages, so I had assumed I didn't get through to the next round.
"I know its been a while since you heard from us, but I just wanted to let you know that there has been a slight change of decision. The photographer showed the judging panel the photos you took with him when he found out that we weren't taking you into the next round, and they caused quite a stir amongst them. Now obviously we can't just replace our current winner, or any of the runners-up with you, but what we have decided to do is offer you a modelling contract, with my agency Vines."

"Oh my God, seriously?!" I almost screamed down the phone
"Yes, seriously darling." She said, laughing at my excitement
"Oh my God, thank you SO much!"
"We're going to place you near to the top of our list of recommended models, so a lot of companies will hopefully contact you and arrange work. But we need to arrange another photoshoot ASAP, so we can add more to your portfolio. I'll leave you to absorb the information, and you'll receive an email from me or someone from the company within the next few days. Bye!" She said, hanging up

I jumped up from my bed and began dancing and jumping around the room with excitement. I was so happy, and thought that nothing could break my stride until I heard the doorbell ring. I ran down the stairs to open it and saw Kyle standing there.

"Now you wanna acknowledge my existance, yeah?" I said, holding the door open for him
"What d'you mean, bruv?! I'm hear now, aren't I?" He said, practically shouting
"Do you mind?! There are people sleeping in the house." I said, walking off into the kitchen

He slammed the front door and followed behind me. I filled up the kettle to make a cup of tea, and waited for him to say something.

He cleared his throat

"So why didn't you come over and chat to me last night?" He said
"Coz you told me you were in Manchester for the weekend, so I assumed that was your clone sitting there."
"Why the fuck do you always have to be rude?!" He was getting frustrated now
"Because you treat me like shit, and expect me to sit there and take it!" I screamed
"I don't treat you like shit. I just wanted to chill with my niggas"
"So I'm not as important as your 'niggas' yeah? Okay, so where exactly am I placed in your hierarchy of importance?"
"You're not even on it."

So he was saying that I'm of no importance to him? I spun around and looked at him. He had a straight face, so I couldn't even tell if he had been joking or not.

I turned around and faced the kettle, focusing on my cup of tea, as the tears began rolling down my face. I let them fall, not knowing what to do. This hurt so much, to know that the guy I had been with for more than a year, didn't even care about me anymore. I thought he loved me

"I think we've reached that point." He said after about ten minutes of silence

"What point?" I said, still not facing him because the tears hadn't stopped.

"The point of us no longer being together." I turned around to face him, not caring if he saw me crying anymore

"What do you mean?" I said
"I mean you've changed, you're not the same person I started off with."
"Maybe because I was 16 years old when we started going out. I'm 18 now, and I've been forced to grow up over the last couple months, so obviously I'm not going to be that same girl that you fell for!"
"Its nothing to do with your age, you're just.... Not the same. I just don't know anymore."
'Fine." I said, with more stupid hot tears sliding down my face and staining my top, "If this is what you wanna do to me, after everything you've put me through, and me sticking by your side through every single moment of it, then fine." I said, storming out of the room and going back to my room.
I locked the door behind me, and let the tears fall. Once again, he had broken my heart, and there's only so many times one person can do the same thing over and over to you.

I felt like I had been pushed back into that same stupid place that I had been in when I tried to kill myself. I had to fight to get myself out of it,but it wasn't working; I just felt like dying. If I tried it again, it would definitely work; I had locked myself in my room and Sasha never came into my room uninvited....

I needed to fight this stupid feeling, so I put on a tracksuit over my pyjama's and went for a walk. I walked for what felt like ages, but it made no difference.

I went back to the house. Sasha was in the kitchen, making lunch for herself so I sat at the table.

"I heard you guys arguing, are you okay babes?" She said, coming over and hugging me.
I nodded, but deep down I felt far from okay

We sat down at the kitchen table in silence as she ate her pasta and prawn salad.

About 20 minutes later, I decided to hsve a hot bath. After the bath, I went down to the off licence and bought a bottle of vodka...

I sat on my bed, clenching the bottle. I was gonna drink the pain away...

TO BE CONTINUED