Good Girlz in the Hood : The Chronicles of Ciara

Chapter 72: The Birthday from Hell

It was the morning of my 20th birthday, I was now over 6 months pregnant. I was getting bigger and bigger as the days went by and I was always terribly tired. I had stopped working becuase the tiredness had gotten so bad, so money was incredibly tight at the moment.

Things with Kyle and I had only really gotten worse since the day of my scan. We had been aeguing so much, I was crying all the time and I felt so angry and alone. I still had Paige and my other friends and family but she was having a much happier pregnancy experience and I didn't wanna talk to anyone else about how I had been feeling. I spent most of my time alone at home, eating and watching TV. When I looked in the mirror I felt so unhappy, I just looked so incredibly fat and ugly.

Karina , Meisha and Rianna had been planning a snall gathering for my birthday, and I was not in a party mood at all but I knew they wouldn't let me get out of it so I began mentally preparing to fake a smile all day. I had read somewhere that if you smile at yourself in the mirror, your brain thinks you are happy, so I sat there staring at myself for about an hour. The smile was spread brilliantly across my face but there were tears streaming down my face and my eyes were puffy and red.

Suddenly, my buzzer rang. There was someone at my door. I assumed it was the postman so I got up and walked to the door and let the person in without checking who it was, then stood there waiting for them to get to my door.

I was surprised when the person got to my floor and it was Kyle.

"Hi." He said, looking down at me.

"Hello," I said, walking back into the flat. "Why didn't you tell me you were coming over?"

"I wanted to surrise you... And, based on the way things have been between us recently, I didn't know if you would want to see me." He said, as he sat at the table and began unpacking one of the bags he had carried in with him.

"I'm gonna make you breakfast and then we can talk." He said, standing up. "Happy birthday, baby." He said, kissing me.

He didn't even seem to notice the state of my face - he was so oblivious.

"Well, I'm gonna be going over to Karina's later for a party, did they invite you?" I said, sitting down.

"Yeah, but I might not come. I'll let you have your time with your girls."

"It's up to you." I said, knowing he wouldn't be there.

When he was done cooking, he brought the plate over to the table, placing it in front of me.

"Thanks. It looks nice." I said, picking up the fork he had placed next to the plate. We ate and made small talk, but I was anticipating whatever it was he wanted to talk about.

Eventually, both of our plates were empty and we were sitting in silence again.

"So... You wanted to talk, let's talk." I began, it seemed like he would never break the ice.

"Obviously, over the last couple of months, things hven't been so good between us, it seems like the more pregnant you get, the more we can't get along... And I want you to know that I will always love you, not just for this gift you are giving me, but everything you've done over the course of our relationship."

"Okay..." I said, waiting for the rest of his speech.

"Do you feel like we're actually ready for this? I mean, me and you being responsible for the life of another human being... We could really fuck that up."

I looked him dead in his face, trying to work out if he was playing a prank on me - but his face was deadly serious. I sat there staring at him for what felt like an eternity, before responding.

"Are you fucking serious?! I am almost seven months into this pregnancy, and NOW you fucking realise thhat you're not ready. This explains your behaviour over the last few months, I'm so stupid, so fucking stupid!" I screamed, almost bursting into tears again. I couldn't believe this shit! He had waited this long to tell me he didn't feel ready; of course we weren't ready but we had put ourselves into this predicament so we had no choice but to deal with it.

But now it looked like that 'we' had turned into just me.

"I know, I should have said something, but I kept thinking I would feel different as time went on. Maybe when she's actually here I will feel different, but right now, I feel no connection to this baby or the situation whatsoever, and it don't seem to be changing." He said, he looked so sad which made me feel bad, but now I was in this alone.

"Bye Kyle. Fuck you. Get the fuck out of my house, and don't ever come back into me or my daughter's life." I walked into my bedroom and slammed the door, sitting behind it so he couldn't enter if he tried to.

But he didn't.

A few minutes after I entered my room, I heard my front door open and close, quietly.

It was over...

I sat there, having flashbacks of all the times we had spoken about our future, and having kids had always been a part of that... But I guess the dream was a lot sweeter than the reality...

TO BE CONTINUED