Love Without A Timer

Chapter 11: Lost but not Forgotten

Jasmine Pov

"Kiara, please slow down!" I yelled. I have been chasing her for twenty minutes, getting crazy looks from people. I glared at all of them, causing them to turn away. However, she didn't stop. I feel like shit right now. I have no clue why I didn't pull away. I fucked up.

Maybe I felt bad for the way things left off. I DON'T KNOW! All I know is that I don't want to lose Kiara. I love her with all of my heart. I hope she forgives me.

"Ki--" I began.

"LEAVE ME THE FUCK ALONE-" She turned around and shouted at me. My heart broke at the sight of tears gushing down her beautiful face. I caused that.

Fuck.

"HOW ABOUT YOU GO BACK TO YOUR LITTLE GIRLFRIEND" She yelled again and kept walking away from me.

"What are you talking about? You are right here babe." I responded back to her. She stopped walking and turned around to me. I pulled her closer to me by her waist and just stared at her.

I looked around to see where we were. It felt like we had walked forever but it was only for a block and a half. I turned back to her to find her staring at me. I leaned forward and placed a small kiss on her lips. She held it for a few seconds before pulling away. I sighed.

"Baby I--" I tried to start again.

She shook her head. "No, you didn't pull away from her. You let her kiss you as I watched. You don't care about me, about us, about our relationship. You must still have feelings for her."

"I do care about us baby, otherwise I wouldn't have come after you. I love you. And as far as Keisha, I don't believe I have feelings for her. I mean, we were together for a year, but I didn't feel anything like how I do with you" I tried to explain. Hopefully, I'm not making shit worse.

"YOU STILL KISSED HER IN FRONT OF ME!" She argued back.

"I did NOT kiss her, SHE kissed ME!" I argued back like a child. She just glared at me.

"I DON'T GIVE A FUCK, you still kissed her back."

I sighed in response. Yes, I kissed her back but it was nothing like with Kiara. I didn't feel weak in my knees. I didn't get butterflies in my chest. I didn't crave more. Maybe, I was just testing my feelings. I don't know, but either way I fucked up. I will make this right.

Words can't explain the way I feel about Kiara, I can't lose her. I would die if she ever decided to leave me, especially over this.

"Baby...please..," My voice cracked as I begged for her to forgive me, "I love you soooo sooo much. Please.. Don't leave me." I began to tear up. My stomach began to churn with the thought of her leaving me.

"Jasmine--" My breath got caught in my throat as she spoke my name. Anxious of what was going to come out of her mouth. "I..just need some time to think." My heart cracked a bit, but the pieces still hang on with a shred of hope because she didn't leave me yet. We continued walking in silence until we reached a hotel. She walked up to the doors, taking out her credit card from her wallet. It only survived the crash because it was buckled to her pants by a chain. Everything else was lost at sea.

I sniffed and wiped my face as she paid the guy to stay for the week. However, she paid for two seperate rooms side by side. Fuck. She still is really upset. I'm a fucking idiot. The only thing I can do is let her cool down for the night.

We took our keys and hopped onto an elevator heading to the fifth floor. She stood on the opposite side as I kept my head down thinking of what I could say to ease the tension. Before I could, the elevator DINGED and she stepped off with a word. She walked to her room and looked back at me. I smiled to her. Though she just opened the door and shut it behind her. I sighed again and walked into my room "Goodnight to you too." I mumbled.

I sat on the bed and just stared into space. It's so lonely in here without her. She is all I have now. I took off my damp clothes and placed them onto the heater. I kept on my ba and underwear as I crawled into bed. Snuggling into the covers, I wished that Kiara would forgive me. It's all I ask for. My eyes got heavy as I began to fall asleep. Slipping into a dream state full of my soulmate. Her fair skin and her lips traveling down my body. I need her with me, no matter how upset she is. I just need her here. I want to cuddle against her, feeling her warmth. Please forgive me my love.

I love you...

Kiara pov

Laying in my bed, my heart was trampled with so many feelings. I felt sad, angry, hurt, betrayed... I couldn't believe she would do that to me. I treated her right. I never once even thought about another girl. If she is willing to kiss a girl in my face, who knows who else she was kissing when I wasn't there. Maybe she's kissing all of her exes behind my back.

She wouldn't.

Well. She just did, so shut up.

Maybe, it was for a good reason.

What could reason could she possibly have to fucking cheat on me? It's not like the girl was holding a fucking gun to her and forced her to kiss her back. Jasmine kissed her back on her own free will. This is why I have my walls. My walls prevent me from getting hurt. I abandoned them and now look what happened. I need my walls back.

My heart can't afford to be broken like this again, this was already too much. Maybe I was wrong, maybe she doesn't love me as much as I thought. Maybe she is only sticking with me because everyone else is gone. All this thinking is going to make my head explode. I laid back, getting comfy in the bed. I reached over to the bedside table and turned on the radio, letting whatever station play.

"Well I'm so tired of the rain

Falling softly on the ground

Just enough to get my feet wet

But not enough to let me drown

I've been laying in my bed

Wishing I had never woken

Begging God to rid my head

Of every word you've ever spoken

Broke my knuckles on the wall

Because I thought about the call

Where you said you'd always love me

Do you not tell the truth at all?" (Drown by Front Porch Step)

This song had me truly thinking about my relationship with Jasmine. The sight of her kissing her ugly ass ex was plaguing my mind. I feel so betrayed and low. I don't know when I began to change. I use to be a ruthless, and heartless bitch who didn't care about anyone's feelings. Now, here I was, stressing over some chick.

She's not just some chick. My mind reminded me.

I sighed. She turned me into a fucking wuss. It all just happened so fast. I don't even remember when I became this emotional wreck. I don't like it, not one bit.

How can I even trust her anymore? I don't think I can... Maybe I should just fall back a little so she can get her mind together. I sighed again, closing my eyes. I turned onto my side as I began to let the darkness and silence consume me. I just going to go back to doing me. I smiled as I drifted off to sleep.

_________________________________________________________

A/N: I have not written for sooooo long.... Geez. I hope you guys enjoy this chapter however it's not too much.