Lies - Scomiche

13. Im sorry Scotty.

I'm trying to stay calm, I'm trying very very hard to stay calm.

"He was never with me" His words ringing in my ears, drowning in my blood, and making it so extremely hard to breathe.

I stagger backwards, chest rising and falling sharply. I flop down on the couch, having one hand over the wild beats of my heart, and the other running through my disheveled hair.

"He was never with me" I try to process the meaning behind these simple words, or if he even said them. Am I imagining this? I can still taste his lips against mine. He really did kiss me, more than once.

This is real, I'm not dreaming, he's here. I can feel the heat radiating off of his body, I can feel his hand gripping on my shoulders.

I need to control my breathing, but I can't fucking breathe.

I involuntarily cry, I don't want to cry, not in front of him. He doesn't need to see this side of me, but I can't help but cry. I can't breathe.

"Scott ... Scotty .. please" I can hear his voice, but I can't really see him. Everything is a blur, my vision darkening, and suddenly everything is black.

"Scott, please .. are you okay? .. can you hear me?" He pushes me back on the couch, his hand caressing my cheek tenderly, his skin feeling as soft as petals of flowers.

I can hear him slightly, shuffling around. He comes back moments later to be by my side, holding my hand in his. "Scotty, please. Can you talk to me? tell me you're alright .. please" he pleads, sounding very desperate for a reply, and very much concerned.

I flutter my eyes open, slowly adjusting to the brightness. I feel so sick, I feel like throwing up, a wave of nausea traveling through my body. What did just happen? Why am I so weak? why are my hands shaking?

"Mitch .." I call his name breathlessly, and his hand is back again caressing my cheek.

"Hey, baby. Can you hold your head up a bit for me, you need to drink water. I think you're dehydrated" he tells me, gripping the back of my neck and helping me up to drink some water.

He lays me back carefully, "do you need me to get you something? do you need to go to the hospital? Please be okay" He's almost begging me with his eyes to be okay.

"I'm sorry, I'm sorry, Scott.. please talk to me .."

He's sitting on the floor as close as possible, his fingers laced through mine. I give his hand a reassuring squeeze, "I'll be okay, .. don't worry" I answer him tiredly, breath uneven still.

He leans down, kissing my forehead, thumb tracing over my lips. "Do you need something?" he asks uncertainty enveloping his words. He's so scared, and I wanted nothing more than to comfort him, and tell him that I'm okay. It's just a panic attack. I'm used to these now, I've had one the night before I called him.

I bring our intertwined hands resting them over my heart. "What did you mean earlier?" I question him, mouth dry with low expectations, and heart hurting for high hopes.

He looks confused, he rubs my arm with his free hand. "What did I mean by what exactly, Scotty?"

"You said, he was never with me .. what .. what did you mean by that?"

He scrunches his nose. He's looking away, worrying on his lips, trying to avoid the subject of discussion, but clearly failing because he has to have an answer.

I need to know, there's no escaping this! His words were out, and I desperately clung onto them.

"Anthony, he .. he was never with me, Scott.. I mean, he IS with me but not like that, you know" His hand slides up and down my arm. "Please don't be upset with me, Scotty. I didn't mean for it to last this long .. I didn't know what to do .... so I lied".

I close my eyes, letting the words sink in into my brain.

I bring his hand close to my mouth, kissing his knuckles, "I need to rest for few minutes, can we talk about this later?"

"Yes, of course" he brushes my hair back, kissing my cheek. "I'm sorry, Scotty" he says before pressing more kisses to my cheek.