Lies - Scomiche

3. I wont be at your birthday party.

It's been a week since my meet up with Mitch, and falling back into my normal daily routine has never been harder. The heart break still feels raw and new, and it still holds the same pain in my soul, with the same intensity level.

Mitch has broke me the way I did to him. He left me without looking back, as if I never meant anything to him, as if my hand was strange and my voice belonged to someone else. He left me like a past he's embarrassed of, like he has never loved me, never buried his face into my chest, never cried on my shoulder, or curled into my side for comfort. He flat out denied me, he didn't offer a forced smile or a sympathetic apology in return, and as horrible it is to say it out loud, I think it's time I let him go, forever.

Somewhere in me believed I did deserve the treatment I received, but that does not change the fact that it stung, and I bled.

My days have been boring. I wake up to go to work, come home to eat and watch tv, alone, mostly on my bed. I haven't been to the gym since that day, I can't find the motivation to work out, or the heart to fake a smile at a friend. Kirstie been out of town, which makes this even 100 times worse than it already is. She understands me, she will find a way to help, or at least be here for me, and just listen to me whine and then comfort me with a soft hand rubbing my back.

I memorize my ceiling like the back of my hand. I stare at it at night, like its the most beautiful thing in the universe, when my nightmares tighten my chest, and I can't bear the dark. Ive been sleeping with the lights open, I don't think I remember how it felt like to close the lights before going to bed. My anxiety is striking a new low, this can't be good, but I can't help it, though I'm willing to try.

I don't want to waste another day of my life crying about how miserable I am. Tomorrow is a new day, and I'm going to make the best out of it. I'm going to the gym early and bright. No more thinking of Mitch or his boyfriend, that lucky bastard.

As the sunlight streams through my curtains, and dances over my eyelids, I open my eyes, slowly adjusting to the sunshine. I glance to my side, reading the time on my phone that indicates it's 9:05 on a Sunday morning, perfect. I stand up, quickly heading to the bathroom, doing my morning routine, and hitting the gym at 9:45.

I stop to do some grocery shopping before I head home after the gym. My fridge lacks some basic food making essentials, and on my attempt to quit the unhealthy habits I developed while being home and depressed for the past week. I decide it's time to get back on track, and at least pretend that everything is going to fall back to the way it's supposed to be.

I got a message from Kirstie saying she went running some errands and she's coming to see me at 12:00 pm, and possibly have lunch together. It makes me excited seeing her after not being able to for a long week, due to her committed relationship with Jeremy. As soon as Im finished stuffing my fridge with the fresh vegetables and dairy products, I go take a shower and get ready to meet Kirstie in 40 minutes.

I hear a knock on the door. "Come in, kirst, it's open" I shout to her, which she immediately responds to with a push on the door, and fast legs and open arms coming to tackle me in a sweet tight hug.

"Ahhhh, I missed you so much Scotty, it feels like forever since I last hugged you"

She pulls back and loosens her arms around my neck to take a close look at me.

"I missed you too, baby. How's you?"
I ask her with a huge grin on my face, happy that my best friend is back in town, and more importantly, happy that I'm spending less lonely nights, hopefully.

She situates herself up on the counter and from the beautiful smile on her face, I can tell she's had such a fun time.

"I'm awesome, everything is perfect with Jeremy, and I'm sure you know all the details from my Instagram posts and tweets. I was literally so annoyed with myself because of how much I posted.... I was worried about you though"

Kirstie called me two days ago and she noticed how uneasy I sounded, and I had to tell her about what happened with Mitch. It's not like I had a choice, she's stubborn and she knows how to get me to spill more than anyone I know.

"You don't need to worry, anymore. I'm doing good, I got over it, and I can only look forward from here"

Kirstie knew me a bit too well to accept my reassurance, I can see her examining my expressions and trying to read between the lines.

I catch her eyesight looking anywhere but my direction few moments later, she suddenly is heavy with concern. She takes a deep breath and lifts the back of her hand to hit her forehead displeasingly, and then mutters something under her breath.

"Hey, what's wrong? you seem upset"

She looks up at me, and instantly looks away, not daring to share whatever she was hiding, yet.

"Scott, I might have done something stupid"

I know that tone, I know that look, and I know that familiar discomfort in her body language. Kirst definitely has done something stupid.

"Tell me, please?"

She straightens up and with one more deep breath she continues.

"I ran into Mitch, earlier today"

My eyes widen, and I know there was some more to come, so I wait patiently for her to complete whatever sentence that was going to escape her mouth next.

"And I kinda invited him to my birthday party"

OH MY GOD KIRSTIE

I'm shocked, I just promised myself I'm going to get over this obstacle in my life, and I'm going to forget about him and start fresh. Why does God hate me this much to throw him in my way again.

"You can always take the invitation back"

"Scott, no, who does that? no, I can't .... I'm sorry"

"Then I'm sorry I won't be at your birthday party, Kirstie"

Kirstie stays quiet for a minute before looking away, biting her lip and trying not to leak the wave of tears hitting her eyes, she responds doubtfully.

"You don't mean that"

"Kirst, you just invited my ex boyfriend to your birthday party, you can't seriously expect me to be there and act like it doesn't hurt. He just shut me out a week ago, he wants nothing to do with me"

I see how upset she gets as the time passes and when I was about to continue, she speaks up.

"Scott, you're my best friend, but I used to have such a good friendship with Mitch! You seem to forget that I was close to him too! I gave that up for you. I didn't want to hurt you, but I really missed hanging out with him! And when I met him at the bakery today, on my way here, it occurred to me to ask him to come to my birthday party. I just thought it was a good way to recandle our friendship, and maybe for you two to talk again and work things out. I was sad he didn't give you a chance that day! I wanted you to be able to pour your heart out for him! Maybe you two could get over your issues, or at least be friends again"

I shake my head and sigh in defeat, it was her birthday after all, and she could invite whomever she wants. I have no right to tell her who to hang with or let in in her house, but at the same time, I wish she asked before doing this. I wish she took this improvement into consideration, I was really good at forgetting all about him for 12 hours.

"I'm sorry, I know you were close to him, I hope you two are back to being good friends again, but Kirst, I'm sorry. Asking me to be around him in an intimate birthday party after he turned me down is not going to be easy, I don't want to ruin your birthday"

"You're not going to ruin anything, you're too nice to cause a scene, and he's nice too, Scotty! I really just want you guys to talk, and I'll be there for you, always"

She smiles at me, and for a brief moment I believe her. This birthday is gonna be one hella of a roller coaster ride.