Unexpected Occurrence: the Struggles of a DL College Student (boyxboy)

A letter to my ex: true story

I remember first seeing you. You had on a striped gray and navy blue tank top showing off those muscles with your Brooklyn Nets SnapBack- you had your mean mug on fleek and I thought you were cool peoples while you helped freshman move in.My life changed after meeting you. These three years have been hard but I just want you to know that you have made the biggest impact on my life. There was a time when you were my best friend, my baby, lover, and I could come to you for any and everything. I have been fighting to try to get us back to that. Although it may never happen I couldn't let you leave this school without letting you know how I felt. Yes you've done me filthy with all of the lying and I know that I have a reckless mouth but I do not regret falling in love with you. I miss your smile, sense of humor, being there for you when things get too rough - all of that. Even though we may never speak again- I didn't want years and years to go by and regretting not telling you how I felt. You are a beautiful person and I hope that one day you see what I see in you. I hope you are able to heal from when you were little and conquer being raped. I think it affected you more than you realize. I remember you told me that you thought you were ugly and it caught me off guard because that's not the case at all. Self love and confidence can take you far- hopefully after hearing this you'll listen to me just this one time lol Growing up, I saw my mother be beaten and cheated on a lot. I told myself that I wouldn't let anyone treat me like that but once it happened to me it was different. How do you just cut off someone who you talk to and knew everything about at the drop of a dime? It's not possibl. I try to avoid relationships altogether because of this reason. I am extremely vulnerable when it comes to my emotions. They are the 1 thing that I can't control. you came in and  showed me love and support that NO ONE had ever done before. I thought that I could be myself around you. I tried everything I could. I even thought that if I offered you more sex often that would be enough to keep you- that didn't work either. I always wondered was I not good enough? Was the sex trash? Why won't he love me like he used to, sadly our situation was too far gone. When you love  someone you make some crazy choices. I made a lot of crazy decisions but it was because I wanted us to work. I hope you never forget me because I could never forget you. I dream about you every night wishing things ended better. No matter what, you will always be my first love and hold a special place in my heart.